How depression feels like

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

This poem explains how everyday struggle with depression feels like. It shows how it affects you around people.

Its not that I don't want to be happy. It's despite, how hard I try I can't bring myself to be happy. I feel suffocated, embarrased and ashamed. "Why did I have to be this way?" I have a great family, amazing friends and everything seems to be okay. Yet all I ever seem to see is sadness and grey. Its like there is this burden on me, pulling me to the ground. And however hard I try, I can't bring myself out. I can't bring myself to care. Living has become a constant nightware, where I cherish death more than life and it's just not fair. People who care about me will always tell me to not lose up, speak up or do something that makes me happy. But I wish it was as easy as that. It's a disease that affects every aspect of my life. And to this, despite my best efforts to explain why I feel this way, I am always met with blind hesitation. People ask me "why are you so sad?" I tell them I dont know... I just dont know. What I know is I wake everyday feeling like absolutely shit. I'm afraid of the world in the fear that I'll be judged for something that I can not control. Where's the fairness of it all? Do you think I like to watch myself fall? Into this hole of self hate, shame and loathe. So I put this mask. So deep that you will never see my pain or any of my flaws. I carry on two lives, one for everyone and one just for me late at night because it's easier than explaining what I'm going through. Depression is hell inside of me and it eats me up daily.

Submitted: July 02, 2018

© Copyright 2023 Hamza S. Arisar. All rights reserved.

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