Soul Searching

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Soul Searching

Am I looking for a new high? Or stumbling on a turbulent low? Has my mind reached the peak of enlightenment? Or can I just no longer seem to grow?

I have 20/20 in my 3rd eye, no my senses almost never lie.

Except for now.

I'm stuck, demented, lost at a time when everything should be flowing together but apart my mind and my heart are. I want to believe it's just a phase, but I've lost count of the days that I've been devoured by the hours of complete and utter delusion.

Who am I? What am I?

I'm missing a vital part of my being, and quite frankly I can't tell how because supposedly it's never been seen.

In me, I have some doubts, about whether or not I'm greatness exemplified or maybe I'm a waste of matter.

Matter fact I could be both. I could be great enough to make the world take a moment and pause to reflect on the poor choices used within 24 hours, and just so lowly enough that I'm a fairytale, and since nobody believes in those they shoo me away back into my high tower to plop down and ponder.

Pensive thought, dreams and wonder, will I ever amount to anything more than just a person of dishonor?

To my family, I could do so much more. To my friends, I seem to go overboard. The epitome of perfection personified, dipped in aromatic swagger, with intelligence that's straight dignified.

At least this is what I've been told multiple times, from lips that never lie. At least to me they claimed. Past love that somehow seemed to fade, but I digress.

Is this confessed for me to believe? Or is this some fantasy being that I can't even see?

Who was he?

What was his purpose?

When did he leave?

Where was I when this genuine god walked among the mortal?

Why don't I know what other people see?

How am I supposed to see that I am somehow greater than me?

I'm soul searching, not for who I am, but for peace of what I am. I'm somewhere between an angel and a demon, and I've found everything else for me to believe in except me. I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing me.

Trying to be the best that I can be, but that's for the army and there's no reason I should go to war to find a more suitable version of me. I can't think straight other than feeling like I'm blooming too late.

So maybe right now I can articulate how it feels to be so out of place, but will I ever find out my end result of running at such a pace?

Soul Searching.

Submitted: July 06, 2018

© Copyright 2021 AAUD. All rights reserved.

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