The Human Mind

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: July 12, 2018

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Submitted: July 12, 2018

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The Human Mind

 

A Curse and a Gift

 

I was cursed in 7th grade

At this time in my life I couldn’t see the gifts that my mind could bring.

 

I didn’t realize that, yes my mind is a prison I have built for myself, but that it has an open door policy. I can come and go as I please but as most depressed people know, once you’re in you don’t want to leave. Inside the cell manifesto, in which I refuse to go, It feels too good to go.

 

Back then I wasn’t hypnotized by a bottle of lexapro, so I could feel, in full, every single sensation that the jail keeper made for me.

 

Middle school blinded me from all the good in the world

I not only started to hate myself I started to hate everyone else for hating me

We all knew that one kid that we could all collectively pick on and hate. None of us knew why we hated this kid, we just all knew that we hated him.

That kid was me, kindergarten up to my 8th grade year, until someone who was scrawnier and more compulsive than I moved to our school.

At the time the Hate felt…….good

People would start to say, hey jackass, and I would respond, knowing damn well what I was, a glorified punching bag…..

 

Then I fell in love, suddenly the hate started to retract, as she reached inside of me and picked out piece by piece the black inside.

 

Though This chapter does not have a fairy tale ending

She was so beautiful, but she was so easy

 

She was a sophomore when I was in 8th grade,

So I was too young to understand that sleeping beauty corted 6 of the 7 dwarves before she slumbered

Sadly I was the last of the 7,

I was Dopey

I was the idiotic, psychotic, neurotic little troll

Trotting along trying to catch up with everyone else

Especially sleeping beauty whom haunted my dreams and memories

Sadly during the chase, I tripped on my nightgown,

Which is really just a shirt that's too big for me

And I trailed behind

As she falls in love with someone else

Ironically not Doc but Bashful

 

My freshman year

In one violent beat

She thrusted all of the black

Back into my heart

“I never thought of us in that way”

“Well I always have”

 

I moved

I moved out

I moved away from her

And I started running away from my problems

 

That summer wasn’t much better

I fell in love with a different girl

She was also beautiful…… and easy

But she was more disturbed than I was

 

I bestowed upon to her a gift

It was the greatest gift that I could ever give to anyone

A gift that I couldn’t give to anyone else

And I decided to give it to her

I loved her

So why shouldn’t I have given it to her

 

She loved it

but she didn’t love it enough it stay

She took this gift away,

And I never saw it again

 

That december I was officially diagnosed

To have an extreme lack of serotonin

The happy chemical in your brain

This revelation brought to me strength and

A higher dosage of medication

 

Since then my

Ability to feel, real human emotion

Has been stretched thinner

Than phyllo

Feelings scare me,

Words avoid me,

Conversation Paralyzes me

Common sense eludes my actions

But hey,  at least I’m not dead


 

 




 


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