This poem is about my "crucible" to when I was a little girl, all the pain and suffering that happened to me, all here in this tiny poem.


We all have crucibles in our everyday routine, technically known as "the trials of life." Everyone is hit with an unexpected, hurtful problem. My crucible is that I am a victim to a twenty year old male. I am a victim to child pornography. There was fear and pain for two years before everything settled , numerous therapy visits and then finally trials. It was an abusive relationship, both mentally and physically. He grabbed me a lot unwanting. He messed me up mentally, made me see love the wrong way. He toyed with my mind, feelings, and emotions like a puppet on string. I was so infatuated with him, that I stayed, naive from the pain. There was so much pain, pain I couldn't comprehend. It sometimes scared me too much. I couldn't even take a shower, I was so ashamed of myself, I felt so unclean. I couldn't sleep for fear he was there, watching me. I'd curl up into a ball and cry until I had nothing left. I was piece of trash he stomped on and threw away. I was nothing to him. Five Stages: The first stage, everyone said that I was depressed, that I was distant. Thoughts of suicide creeped into my mind. I wanted everything to just...end. I weened into the second stage, ANGER. I was angry that I was stupid enough to let this happen to me. Third stage, all the questions and confusion. So confused, I kept myself believing that it was all my fault, that I was to blame. Fourth stage, where I was angry and sad at the same time. Last stage, ACCEPTANCE. It was done, the last trial. He was my worst mistake but best lesson. It made me realize....I'm perfect just the way I am, all my flaws, imperfections, quirks and all. It makes me, well "me."

Submitted: July 13, 2018

© Copyright 2023 Deadpoetsammi. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:


r futrell

Beautifully written, How do I like it, when there's nothing about this story to like. Stay Strong.

Fri, September 21st, 2018 1:24pm


Thank you, just me between a rock and a hard place a few years ago, it's alright.

Tue, September 25th, 2018 7:16am

Facebook Comments

More Non-Fiction Poems

Other Content by Deadpoetsammi

Poem / Fantasy

Poem / Non-Fiction