Another Chiken Story

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


this is the second book of my chiken story and it is not quite done yet. please note that this takes place in an alternate reality where everything doesn't make sense. chiken is stupid.

Submitted: July 13, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 13, 2018

A A A

A A A


Another Chiken story

“Chiken you idiot, you are the most stupidest idiot in the history of stupid idiots!” His mom shrieked. Chiken sat up groggily.

“What happened mommy? And let me go back mommy I have to save her!”

“Chiken calm down and shut up!” His dad boomed. Chiken took a deep breath.

“Sleeping beauty. She ate the poisoned apple and lost her slipper so the big bad wolf kidnapped her and now I have to go to the brick house or else Rumpelstiltskin will take her away and lock her up in a tower with beanstalks growing up the sides”. Buttercup came running up to the hayride.

“Hey! You found him!” She turned her attention to Chiken. “What were you thinking you dum-dum?! Trying to run away on the hayride! And what were you telling mum?” Chiken told Buttercup what he just told their parents. Buttercup was shaking with laughter by the time he was finished. “Chiken, you are completely messed up!”

“Why Buttercup?” Chiken asked.

“Because that, is eight whole freaking fairy tales in the same dream!” Buttercup howled in laughter. Chiken gasped in horror.

“What how dare you she is not a dream! Buttercup Buttercup Buttercup Buttercup she cannot be a dream that is impossible!” Then he added in a soft whisper, “She is the hottest duck I have ever saw”.

<--------------->

The bell rang. A horse galloped past, knocking Chiken off his feet, all the while shouting, “Woohoo! I’m free for the summer! No more school!” The science teacher stuck her head out the door.

“Sidney Largehoof, students who go to this school are strictly forbidden to run in the halls!” She called. “And you could have trampled that chicken over there without even noticing. I’m glad it’s the last day of school”.

“Sorry”. Sidney muttered. “Not”. The teacher strode up to Chiken and helped him up.

“Chiken”, She said casually, “I wish he had trampled you. It would have done the world a great favor”.

<--------------->

That day, Chiken had to walk home with Buttercup. As they went home they started to talk.

“No, Chiken, seriously. She is not real”.

“What do you mean?” Buttercup sighed.

“Face it Chiken. It was all a dream. Just forget it ever happened”.

“I refuse to forget anything about her!”

“Honestly, Chiken you are hopeless”.

“How?”

“I mean, you’re in love with a figment of your imagination”.

“She is not a figment of my imagination Buttercup”.

“Yeah right. Think about it. Do you actually know how weird that sounds?” She mimicked Chiken. “She is not a figment of my imagination Buttercup”. Buttercup laughed meanly. “Oh yeah, and did she see you at all?”

“No I don’t think so”.

“Good, because if she had, she would have been struck blind by that horror you call a face”. They walked in silence for a while.

“Buttercup do you know where I can find a job?” He blurted out. Buttercup was suspicious.

“No. Why do you ask?”

“Why do I what?”

“Why do you want to know?” Chiken did not know what to say.

“Uh…um…er…I…”

“Chiken if you don’t want to talk to me, I won’t talk to you either”.

“No no no Buttercup I just want a job for summer break”. Buttercup nods, satisfied.

“I knew it was something like that. You know, Chiken if I ever find something, I’ll tell you right away”.

“Thank you so much Buttercup”.

“Don’t thank me Chiken!” Buttercup snapped”.

“Sorry Buttercup”.

“It doesn’t matter”. Buttercup growled. “Anyways”, she continued, “Wanna hear about what happened while you were away?”

“Sure!”

“When you didn’t come home from the dump, we looked everywhere to make sure you were gone for good. Mum and Dad were sure we’d gotten rid of you forever, but I was sure it wouldn’t be that easy. So we looked over everything for a second and then a third time, near the end I was actually ready to go over to them and admit that they were right, which only happens once a century, and then poof, there you were, snoring away on the hayride like a power drill turned on full. So yeah, and you know the rest”.

“Oh okay then but there’s something I still don’t get”.

“Yeah well what don’t you get?”

“Just the way you said that made me feel like you and mommy and daddy wanted me to run away”. Chiken murmured sadly.

“Well that’s because we did and still do! Oh, and the farm delivery truck is a quick way to Northmount which is the nearest town. Hey, there’s Romilda! Chiken, I have to talk to her for a sec. Go on if you like. No need to wait for me”.

<-------------->

Chiken was in the toilet. He couldn’t get himself out.  His stomach started to hurt a lot. When the pain got so bad he could barely stay conscious, he suddenly let out a wet stream of gooey diarrhea. Chiken sighed, finally content. Suddenly there was a pounding on the door.

“Let me in Chiken, I really need to go!” Buttercup screeched. “What’s even taking you so long anyway?”

“Sorry I’m stuck in the toilet and can’t get out!”

“Chiken that’s not possible, just let me use the toilet!”

“I really am stuck I can’t get out. You don’t want to use this toilet I got diarrhea all over the seat when I fell in”.

“Oh, yuck Chiken! What will I do?”

“I don’t know!”

“Coop C3 is on vacation and Coop C5 just went for a stroll!” Buttercup was frantic.

“Maybe Coop D4 Buttercup!” After a while she came back.

“Thanks Chiken. Oh, and by the way McDonalds is looking for a new employee”.

<-------------->

When Chiken finally got of the toilet it was already 5 o clock. His plan was to run all the way to McDonalds before dark, get the job, and come home to get a good night’s sleep. He set out at a speed of 0.01kilometers per hour. As he slowly made his way across the farm, a flock of geese caught up to him right next to a punching bag factory. They grabbed him by the legs and dragged him inside.

“Hey what are you doing?!”

“We’re kidnapping you”. A goose said sarcastically.

“You’re kidnapping me?!!” Chiken shrieked very loud. The goose was shocked.

“Woah, chill! Ever heard of sarcasm?”

“No. What’s sarcasm?”

“Er, it’s when you say something you don’t actually mean. Wow”, he said to the other geese, “When I signed up for this job I didn’t know I’d be teaching a stupid chicken language arts”.

“Hey I’m not stupid!!!”

“Yes you are! Why am I talking to you anyway?” they crammed him into a half filled bag and poured stuffing into the top.

“Hey stop doing that if I stay in there for a long time I might suffocate and even die!”

“Yup, I think that’s the plan”. A goose snickered. They walked away, and Chiken was left alone in the dark, waiting for something to happen next.

<-------------->

When the truck stopped Chiken's bag was unloaded and dumped onto the ground.

“Hey ouchie next time put me down gently!” Chiken yelped.

“You’re a punching bag! Punching bags aren’t supposed to talk!" The pig who was driving the truck grunted back, confused. He heard the truck driving off into the distance. After a while Chiken felt himself get loaded into a shopping cart and pushed along a very bumpy sidewalk. Chiken's bones were shaking.

“Hey ouchie next time go on a different sidewalk!”

“You’re a punching bag! Punching bags aren’t supposed to talk!” It sounded like a cow’s voice.

“Sorry!” Chiken squeaked. “Who are you anyways?”

“I’m Angus Beefface,” the cow roared, “the undefeated boxing champion of Maplewood Animal Farm!" Chiken didn’t know what to say. Finally the sidewalk ended and they went inside of a building. Chiken's bag was hung in midair and started swaying slowly. Suddenly, the cow started punching the bag repeatedly.

“OUCHIE! OUCHIE! OUCHIE! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!”

“What, I didn’t know your impact sensors were so sensitive! Could you turn the sound down a little?” He kept punching the bag. Chiken screamed as loud as he could.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!” Angus was seriously ticked off.

“I don’t like you punching bag. You scream too loud”. He opened the bag to check what was inside. Suddenly Chiken came face to face with a giant cow that looked like he could carry a house. They both screamed as loud as they could.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Then there was an awkward silence.

“There’s a horrifying monster in my punching bag! The cow shouted. He picked Chiken up and dragged him towards the exit of the building. When they got out the cow flung Chiken as far as he could. As Chiken shot through the air, he heard the cow bellowing, “I’ll never order from that company again…” Chiken fell to the street right in front of McDonalds. He got up and ran towards it. Just as he got to the door, a duck got out and locked it.

“Sorry, McDonalds is closed for the day”. Chiken walked home slowly.

<-------------->

The nest day at breakfast they all had waffles. The mom had strawberries on her waffles, the dad had blueberries on his waffles, Buttercup had raspberries on her waffles, and Chiken had broccoli on his waffles.

“Ew!” Buttercup screeched. “Chiken put broccoli on his waffles!”

“Buttercup, broccoli is good for you”. their mom said.

“Well do you know how he makes them?!!

“No, Buttercup”.

“Now you will! He puts them in a cup of water and leaves them in the fridge over night, when he wakes up he boils them for half an hour and then steams them until they’re all mushy, when he’s hungry he takes them and puts them into the microwave and then he eats them!”

“Oh, yuck Chiken! No more broccoli for you!” The mom decided. She scooped the broccoli off of Chiken's waffles and dumped them in the toilet.

“Noooooooo!” Chiken wailed. “Those were mine!” He jumped onto the rim of the toilet and tried to fish the broccoli out with a plunger.

“Don’t eat them!” the mom yelled. The dad jumped up and flushed the toilet. Chiken tried to snatch up the last piece of broccoli he reached as far as he could, and then he fell in. he felt himself spinning around and around until he was sucked into the pipes.

<-------------->

Chiken found himself lying on a busy road right next to a sewage treatment system. Right across the road, there was a sign saying “Welcome to Northmount”. Chiken realised he wasn’t in the farm anymore. He was out in the world.

THE END

 


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