So Whatever Happened to Saturday Morning Cartoons?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Well? I'm still waiting.

Submitted: July 21, 2018

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Submitted: July 21, 2018




This should teach me a little something about the pitfalls of nostalgia. I decided I would brew me up a nice pot of coffee, sit down in front of the tube and watch Saturday morning cartoons. EEEEEK! (ahem)

There was no Scooby Doo, no Bugs Bunny, no Laff-a-Lympics. Hell's bells, there wasn't even a Hong Kong Phooey. I found myself deeply mired in the muck and sludge that is Saturday morning cartoons today. I watched helplessly as anonymous bug-eyed heroines fought valiantly(?) against even more anonymous villains. Thankfully, I only had to endure about an hour of this onslaught until the networks decided I needed to watch sports or buy real estate at 10 am on a Saturday.

When I was a child, we were drawn to Saturday morning cartoons like hyperactive moths to a sugar-fed flame. We looked forward to seeing that genius Coyote set up his Rube Goldbergian house of cards in search of fresh Roadrunner meat. Apparently they just handed out genius cards to any old creature who wanted one, considering his abysmal success/failure rate. I actually remember keeping score during the Laff-a-Lympics, rooting for anyone who could wipe that smug grin off Snidely's face.

Now here's the plot to every cartoon on television: A band of cute Speed Racer look-alikes live in Harmonyville, USA. A heavily armored, gravel-voiced villain with anger management issues decides he wants to mess up their idyllic playground. The slowest of the good batch is either injured or captured by mindless henchmen. Only through teamwork and the aid of powerful laser technology can Cute triumph over lukewarm Evil, and said bad guy is promptly dispatched with extreme prejudice. Cute dolls sold separately, batteries not included.

I can understand that more mommies and daddies want to see news instead of Captain Kangaroo these days, but I sincerely hope cartoons make a glorious comeback in my lifetime. I've got serious money riding on the Coyote if they do.

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