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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

just a rambling about an idiot.

Submitted: July 22, 2018

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Submitted: July 22, 2018



From the day I was born, I only knew malice. I was continually surrounded by people who already hated me. I’m not sure how one could hate a baby, but hey, that’s what was up.

At age 7, I was raped by a guy named Bob. He got away with it. At age 8 a a dude held me at gun point with a .357 because I might be a snitch. At age 10 I was put in the care of another dude. He raped me, too. His name was Bill. This guy ended up kidnapping me and tried to sell me to a guy in Hati. I was able to escape and got the law on that guy. The DA in both Miami-Dade and Porter Counties wouldn’t prosecute; they said I consented to everything and that it’s my word against his. At 14, my dad took me to live with him. After a guy held me ransom for what I think was drug money, my dad sent me back to my mom.

Well, enough of that. Here’s the thing, I really just wanna die. I don’t wanna live anymore. I feel like life has been sending me hints all my life that I was nothing more than a mistake. The rub is, I’m too chicken shit. Yeah, can you imagine? I know the right thing to do is die, I know I’m a terrible human and I know that it would bring so much peace to the planet. Strangely, I just don’t have the stones.

Maybe it’s because I’m such a bad person that I can’t do it because it is the right thing. I don’t know what to think. I can’t sleep, I can’t have fun, it’s so hard to smile. Smiling... when I do I feel like I didn’t deserve it. 

I dont know why I wrote this. Maybe I’m just looking for perspective. It feels good to vent. I probably shouldn’t feel good, though.

This has been an incoherent rambling of Lou Johnson - Professional Shitbag

© Copyright 2019 Louis L. Johnson. All rights reserved.

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