Hugh Rodgers; 24 Hours

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

The story of bike messenger Hugh Rodgers and his idiotic 24 hour story.

Submitted: July 29, 2018

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Submitted: July 29, 2018



I am Hugh Rodgers, I am a bike messenger. I am 26 years old. I live in the suburbs around Chicago, the ones where all the white people go to live to avoid the ghetto drug den shit hole that is the inner cities. I live in a nice whitebread suburb where seemingly nothing happens. However, this last 24 hours has been insane. I shot my sister's dog, and now I'm hiding in some child's treehouse trying to escape a really pissed off rottweiler. 

It all started when I somehow received my cousin Emma's sex tape, which was made with some guy named Jeremy. Jeremy wasn't her boyfriend, her boyfriend was a guy named Gavin, who I thought was pretty cool. In anger I put said sex tape on an external thumb drive, which I took with me when i went to work. Hector, the perverted Mexican I work with, saw it and tried to steal it, but I didn't let that happen. We won't get into that. 

I went out on a delivery, and avoided multiple cars, a UPS truck and a pair of transgender prostitutes, who for some reason were out in broad daylight. Maybe they weren't hookers, who knows. I made my delivery, and went back to the office, where most everyone I work with saw Emma's sex tape. 

That afternoon, I decided to leave work early. I took the flash drive of Emma's sex tape on it. I went home and got my gun. I owned a gun after some guy tried to rob me. I took it with me and rode my bike to Emma's house, but somehow I ended up at my sister Katherine's house. I went inside, figuring she wouldn't care, and I got scared and shot her dog in the living room. I hid in the closet for about an hour, then decided to leave. I went to Emma's, where surprisingly, Jeremy was there. I knew it was him because I remembered. I quietly went into Emma's house and went upstairs. She has an annoying as fuck chihuahua. I shot it because it pissed me off. Then when Jeremy came upstairs, I somehow shot him in the ass (don't ask how I pulled that off, he was facing towards me). 

Then I jumped out the window into Emma's backyard, threw my gun into the woods and ran like hell. Jeremy chased me, so did Emma. Jeremy was pissed, I mean I had just shot the man in the ass. I threw a tkid's ricycle at him, but beaned Emma in the head somehow instead of Jeremy. I ended up in a yard with a very vicious rottweiler. I crawled up into a kid's treehouse and hid there. Jeremy tried to follow me but was bitten and mauled by the terribly vicious rottweiler (someone should call animal control). 

After three hours in the treehouse, I somehow managed to run through the yard, and steal an Amazon package, and only get a little bit bitten by that angry rottweiler. Was Jeremy dead? Probably. Did Emma have a traumatic brain injury from a tricycle to the head? Most likely.By the way, that Amazon package was a dildo of all things (yes Amazon has dildos, I've checked, don't ask you hateful fuck). 

I ran all the way home, my leg swollen and hurt from that damn rottweiler. After I got home, when the police finally came around, I blamed everything that had happened on Hector the perverted Mexican. Of course they bought it and arrested him. 

After it was all said and done, I sat at home and watched reruns of "Dog the Bounty Hunter." What a day it's been for me, what a day indeed. I'm just glad I didn't kill anybody, well that I know of anyway. 

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