Coffee - The Beginning of Civilization

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

An irreverent look at coffee and why we love it.

Submitted: July 29, 2018

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Submitted: July 29, 2018



Note: This info should in no way to be considered fact, although some truths have crept in unintentional. For the most part, it is the product of my warped mind assisted by caffeine.


Now you can say all you want about Classical Greece, Alexander the Great, Rome or the Chinese Dynasties, but the truth is that civilization really started about 900 AD. The guy who kicked it off was a goat farmer in Ethiopia named "Abdul Kafin". Good old Abdul noticed that when his goats ate these little berries growing on vines all over the side of the hill that they grazed on, they became happy, playful and jumped around like they were young "kids"


I don't want to speculate on why Abdul had such a fascination about watching goats. I think it would take a lot of watching to actually notice the strange behaviour of goats after they ate berries off a bush. You can draw your own conclusions. What's important in this story is that Abdul gave up his voyeur habits and started collecting beans. 


A brief period of experimentation occurred during which time Abdul discovered that goat teeth are stronger than human teeth. After breaking a few of his molars, Abdul decided to boil the hell out of the berries to see if he could make them softer. Alas, no such luck, but what did happen is that the water turned brown and tasted like the berries. 


We have to assume Abdul kind of liked the taste. A few cups later, Abdul was a happy man. Pain was gone from his old joints and he had energy such the likes of which he hadn't had since he was 16. We're told that before the caffeine wore off, Abdul cleaned the sand out of his tent, brushed his camel's teeth and sorted his goats in order of age, sub-categorized by colour and markings. 


Some days latter, Abdul realized that if he gathered these berries, ground them into a powder and packaged them into attractive marketing sizes, he could sell the stuff as a magic elixir. It made weak men stronger, strong men invincible and give women the gift of the gab. 


Abdul had visions of AbdulBuck Kafin shops on every corner, selling Kafin Magic Potions in goat milk (lattes) or (Kappuccinos). The world was his for the taking! All he had to do was stop those damn goats from eating all his magic berries. 


Want to Hear More? - You must comment on this story to motivate the author (his caffeine has worn off)


© Ron Merk 


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