Dark abysm

Depression is so hard. Kills sometimes. It is a very misunderstood brain disorder that people often blow off. Feeling for you.
Blessings,
Joy

Don't let it suck you in for long Lisbeth. You are stronger than what you give yourself credit for. The cover pic is breathtaking. Wish you well, sweetheart

I hear you, jaylisbeth, and know just what you mean. There are things that can help with serotonin, but they can't produce a magic solution, maybe just make it a bit more bearable. Pour it out in writing --you do it so well.

Oh, JB, I can so relate to this, have been there more times than I care to remember. That feeling of failure and inadequacy, it's a downward spiral. But it is a distorted and skewed view of yourself, we are all human and we all make mistakes and mess up, it's just that some people have the ability to shrug it off unscathed. Don't beat yourself up, like so many others, I admire your poetry, and your honesty, you are so kind. I'll let you into a secret, I always feel inferior and a fake, that I will be found out as the complete idiot I am. I am reluctant to call myself a writer, because in my opinion I am undeserving of such a grand title. But I am a good actress. I don't have the answer, but hold your head up, look for the positives in whatever you do, always tell yourself YOU CAN, and try to value yourself as much as others value you. Remember you are human, we are none of us perfect!

You need to just be yourself, looking forward and remember that you're still young. Everything is not always good; there's that negative part we all have to go through whether we like it or not. I'm sure years later you'll look back on this period, and be pleased with yourself how you got out of it.

Hang in there, J. B!

Honestly, Lis, I think you should consider meditation as a means to help calm your mind and give you some peace. Depression is a constant struggle - some are struck less frequently than others - but the things going on in your life now combined with the unresolved events of your past cause you to teeter-totter more frequently than other people I know. You're Dorothy, always swept up in a whirlwind. You survive each storm, but it doesn't make each storm any less frightening or dangerous. With meditation, you could find a way to balance yourself in a way - take control away from the external forces and give it back to you.
There are different kinds of meditation, some you can do while doing other things even. But I think the state of mind it would help you adopt would help in your struggle. I think a lack of control is a big factor for the constant high-low battle you fight and meditation could help bring some balance there.
Also, something to consider if you don't or haven't tried it already is drinking tea. Matcha green tea and black teas such as orange pekoe are wonderful for the mind and the body. Hop on Google and check out their characteristics. I ditched coffee last month and started drinking tea and I feel much better heart-wise and mind-wise.
Best of luck to you, my friend. Remember, you're not alone, and you are loved.

Mental illness of any kind is difficult to deal with, and it often goes for a long time without being treated. And even with treatment, oftentimes it's a lifelong condition to deal with. Well done, Lis, your writing is always impressive

MediTation, my dear, not medication.
Coffee is a stress inducer, while certain teas are stress reducers. Try drinking them at night when it's wind down time and see how they make you feel.

Well written Jaylisbeth, I like it...Tom...

CREATION:

Question not your worth, my Princess, only motivation...
I know, like others in the past, you’re questioning your station.
This old world, it tries us, and tests our dedication...
And if we are not careful, DESTROYS, like radiation!!
You’re too good, you’re worth too much, for self-recrimination.
Princesses like you’ve been sent, to lift the rest of us in elation!
We need your loving words & hope, to save this generation.
Thanks for being here a voice, to rally this great nation...
Fear, unrest, dejection, they steal our preservation;
Yet simple, powerful, folks like you, restore our postulation!
So, don’t give in, my Princess friend, when faced with that temptation:
No, show the world, & prove to Satan, your determination!!!

This is hard for me to comment on, because I volunteered to live in the darkness, and I will forever. My only concern is that the longer you know me, I hope I won't drag you into it. I think there is signs of paranoia in the way you feel, whether through depression or something else. It's not the normal paranoia, I think it's more of a mental thing, because you seem trapped in these thoughts, and seem trapped in the world your mind is in. You do have pride, you do have energy, because you are still here, and remember that there are still colours in the dark. You are a sleeping sun Lisbeth, and when you find the sunrise out of your darkness, the way you feel, all of it will all die. When the tears are gone, you will go on. Another great piece of poetry my friend.

I have days like this quite often, and it breaks my heart to know someone else may be going through that kind of hell. Stay strong dear and don't stop writing. Beautiful poem, full of pain and torment. Just know, I am always a message away and will always be here for you.

A very good poem, similar to my one. Maybe, we think about the same things:

I’m so blind,
I don’t know what to think,
I don’t want to do anything,
The circumstances are pressing,
I can’t concentrate, that’s messing.
But it’s necessary to do something else.
You even find an hour for finishing your business
Your relatives are waiting on your decisions,
And we are so depressed, so blinded
When we put our hands
And they are waiting for you, only...

I will put this one in the next prose. As for the idea, I think that it's never gone. Many people thought about it before us, think about it now, and they will think after us. For example, I written this on in Russian in 2014. Four years, the same thoughts.

As long as you allow it. When do you want it to end?

My heart is heavy for you. I know exactly the feelings you're going through and it's very tough. Hopefully you know you're not alone. Keep fighting and be strong. Keep writing your beautiful work. Know that you are special and you're worth it.