Dark abysm

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Vintage Publishing

One day I will rise from my darkness...

Falling into darkness; not knowing what to do,

Feeling so alone and it’s not because of you.

Once again, I am immersed; everything is pale,

No hopeful light at all, in everything I fail.


I don’t have the words; I don’t have the pride,

I don’t have the energy to even go and hide.

Lacking the endorphins and serotonin to my brain,

And all of my pretending, frankly, is in vain.


I cannot seem to stop the thoughts inside my head,

And every waking day, is something that I dread.

Perhaps, this is a phase, am I overreacting?

How long will this all last? Is all that I am asking.

Submitted: July 31, 2018

© Copyright 2021 jaylisbeth. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Joy Shaw

Depression is so hard. Kills sometimes. It is a very misunderstood brain disorder that people often blow off. Feeling for you.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 1:50pm


Thank you very much, Joy

Tue, July 31st, 2018 7:00am

Adam L.

Don't let it suck you in for long Lisbeth. You are stronger than what you give yourself credit for. The cover pic is breathtaking. Wish you well, sweetheart

Tue, July 31st, 2018 1:56pm


Thank you, my dearest friend.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 7:00am


I hear you, jaylisbeth, and know just what you mean. There are things that can help with serotonin, but they can't produce a magic solution, maybe just make it a bit more bearable. Pour it out in writing --you do it so well.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 3:01pm


Thank you so much, Hully for the support. I really appreciate it

Tue, July 31st, 2018 9:08am

Sue Harris

Oh, JB, I can so relate to this, have been there more times than I care to remember. That feeling of failure and inadequacy, it's a downward spiral. But it is a distorted and skewed view of yourself, we are all human and we all make mistakes and mess up, it's just that some people have the ability to shrug it off unscathed. Don't beat yourself up, like so many others, I admire your poetry, and your honesty, you are so kind. I'll let you into a secret, I always feel inferior and a fake, that I will be found out as the complete idiot I am. I am reluctant to call myself a writer, because in my opinion I am undeserving of such a grand title. But I am a good actress. I don't have the answer, but hold your head up, look for the positives in whatever you do, always tell yourself YOU CAN, and try to value yourself as much as others value you. Remember you are human, we are none of us perfect!

Tue, July 31st, 2018 4:13pm


What sense of relief I felt with your words, Sue... thank you so much for even taking the time to write your message for me. I am so grateful and honored. Some days are worst than others, I suppose. Perhaps, I'm having too much time in my hands and I'm home nearly all day. I cannot even begin to fathom that such a brilliant writer as yourself feels that you aren't entitled of being called one. But I suppose I understand feeling unworthy all too well. Thank you once again, dear Sue.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 9:34am


You need to just be yourself, looking forward and remember that you're still young. Everything is not always good; there's that negative part we all have to go through whether we like it or not. I'm sure years later you'll look back on this period, and be pleased with yourself how you got out of it.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 5:08pm


Thank you so much for that, John

Tue, July 31st, 2018 10:28am

Mike S.

Hang in there, J. B!

Tue, July 31st, 2018 5:33pm


Thank you, Mike

Tue, July 31st, 2018 11:03am

Jeff Bezaire

Honestly, Lis, I think you should consider meditation as a means to help calm your mind and give you some peace. Depression is a constant struggle - some are struck less frequently than others - but the things going on in your life now combined with the unresolved events of your past cause you to teeter-totter more frequently than other people I know. You're Dorothy, always swept up in a whirlwind. You survive each storm, but it doesn't make each storm any less frightening or dangerous. With meditation, you could find a way to balance yourself in a way - take control away from the external forces and give it back to you.
There are different kinds of meditation, some you can do while doing other things even. But I think the state of mind it would help you adopt would help in your struggle. I think a lack of control is a big factor for the constant high-low battle you fight and meditation could help bring some balance there.
Also, something to consider if you don't or haven't tried it already is drinking tea. Matcha green tea and black teas such as orange pekoe are wonderful for the mind and the body. Hop on Google and check out their characteristics. I ditched coffee last month and started drinking tea and I feel much better heart-wise and mind-wise.
Best of luck to you, my friend. Remember, you're not alone, and you are loved.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 6:43pm


Thank you so much, Jeff. I have considered medication but to be to honest with you, I am frightened my husband would ever use it as a weapon against me. He says he would never but... I don't want to take the chance.
P.s. I am a huge coffee-drinker and an addict, as well. I wish I could ditch it for tea, too, it's healthier.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 2:02pm

Melancholic Wisdom

Mental illness of any kind is difficult to deal with, and it often goes for a long time without being treated. And even with treatment, oftentimes it's a lifelong condition to deal with. Well done, Lis, your writing is always impressive

Tue, July 31st, 2018 8:56pm


Thank you so much, MW

Tue, July 31st, 2018 1:59pm

Jeff Bezaire

MediTation, my dear, not medication.
Coffee is a stress inducer, while certain teas are stress reducers. Try drinking them at night when it's wind down time and see how they make you feel.

Tue, July 31st, 2018 10:41pm


I shall, Jeff, thank you so much for the suggestions :)

Wed, August 1st, 2018 9:03am

Tom Allen714

Well written Jaylisbeth, I like it...Tom...

Wed, August 1st, 2018 1:51am


Thank you very much, Tom

Wed, August 1st, 2018 9:03am



Question not your worth, my Princess, only motivation...
I know, like others in the past, you’re questioning your station.
This old world, it tries us, and tests our dedication...
And if we are not careful, DESTROYS, like radiation!!
You’re too good, you’re worth too much, for self-recrimination.
Princesses like you’ve been sent, to lift the rest of us in elation!
We need your loving words & hope, to save this generation.
Thanks for being here a voice, to rally this great nation...
Fear, unrest, dejection, they steal our preservation;
Yet simple, powerful, folks like you, restore our postulation!
So, don’t give in, my Princess friend, when faced with that temptation:
No, show the world, & prove to Satan, your determination!!!

Wed, August 1st, 2018 4:46pm


I am honored by your words, my friend.

Wed, August 1st, 2018 2:37pm


This is hard for me to comment on, because I volunteered to live in the darkness, and I will forever. My only concern is that the longer you know me, I hope I won't drag you into it. I think there is signs of paranoia in the way you feel, whether through depression or something else. It's not the normal paranoia, I think it's more of a mental thing, because you seem trapped in these thoughts, and seem trapped in the world your mind is in. You do have pride, you do have energy, because you are still here, and remember that there are still colours in the dark. You are a sleeping sun Lisbeth, and when you find the sunrise out of your darkness, the way you feel, all of it will all die. When the tears are gone, you will go on. Another great piece of poetry my friend.

Wed, August 1st, 2018 7:59pm


I appreciate it wholeheartedly, Dexter. Thank you

Wed, August 1st, 2018 2:31pm

Criss Sole

I have days like this quite often, and it breaks my heart to know someone else may be going through that kind of hell. Stay strong dear and don't stop writing. Beautiful poem, full of pain and torment. Just know, I am always a message away and will always be here for you.

Tue, August 7th, 2018 4:47am


I appreciate it deeply, dear Criss

Wed, August 8th, 2018 8:52am


A very good poem, similar to my one. Maybe, we think about the same things:

I’m so blind,
I don’t know what to think,
I don’t want to do anything,
The circumstances are pressing,
I can’t concentrate, that’s messing.
But it’s necessary to do something else.
You even find an hour for finishing your business
Your relatives are waiting on your decisions,
And we are so depressed, so blinded
When we put our hands
And they are waiting for you, only...

I will put this one in the next prose. As for the idea, I think that it's never gone. Many people thought about it before us, think about it now, and they will think after us. For example, I written this on in Russian in 2014. Four years, the same thoughts.

Tue, August 7th, 2018 1:37pm


Wow, isn't that amazing? Thank you so much for taking the time, I deeply appreciate it.

Wed, August 8th, 2018 8:52am

Angela Villaverde

As long as you allow it. When do you want it to end?

Fri, October 5th, 2018 12:30am


Now, my love

Tue, October 9th, 2018 7:45am


My heart is heavy for you. I know exactly the feelings you're going through and it's very tough. Hopefully you know you're not alone. Keep fighting and be strong. Keep writing your beautiful work. Know that you are special and you're worth it.

Fri, October 19th, 2018 10:56pm


Thank you, jmm, writing is very therapeutic.

Mon, October 22nd, 2018 6:08am

Grace 96-M

I know how you feel ...i go through it sometimes but I want you to look at your fingers, they are not all equal, are they, so just like them not all the days are the same . Somedays are good and some aren't but we continue hoping for the best that is always yet to come.

Sat, August 22nd, 2020 11:05am

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