BPB Booksie 2017-18 Anniversary - The Meeting

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

I joined Booksie in July last year posting some writing from this year along with some projects from my past. This is the story of my characters meeting to discuss some way to calibrate this past
year. I don't think it went well, my head hurts. I need to think of more normal stuff.

Submitted: July 31, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 31, 2018



I'm not supposed to know about this but it is my imagination even if it is running off on it's own. I guess the best thing to do is let Moog take it all from here.

The name is Moog, first and last because that's just the way it is. As a detective and professional, there isn't much that gets past me, so of course I was able to recognize the significance of the date. It is the one year anniversary of our birth on Booksie by our Lord and Master. It seemed fitting, although I don't know why, that we make an effort to memorialize the occasion. (Sometimes I'm not sure why I think or do certain things.) So I gathered a bunch of us together to form a committee and this is how it went.

The first thing I did was book us a meeting space in the conference centre, as you may have guessed, inside the old boys head. It's good to book it well in advance, but rest assured there is plenty of room in here. To help get things going I took the liberty of assigning certain characters with jobs. As the boss says from time to time, they were volun-told. With them in place and having no say in the matter, I got things under way.

"Alright," I said loudly to them, "If I could get a motion from the floor to call this meeting to order."

A couple of tentacles were stuck up in the air as Maphesto said, "Mr. Chairman, I make the motion."

"And I second it," said Larry with the clicking of his mandibles to follow.

I looked over at Delmar and said, "Mr. Secretary make a note of the motion, and I ask the floor for it's support." I could see almost all of them raising their appendages. "The motion is carried and the meeting is called to order." I couldn't say for sure but I thought  heard a few groans.

"Point of procedure Mr. Chairman," said a shaggy figure at the middle of the room.

"The air recognizes Mr. Pickles."

"Thank you Mr. Chairman," he said with his tail wagging enthusiastically. "I wanted to know if we will be eating soon."

"Don't worry Mr. Pickles, we will make sure you are taken care of. Now at this time I'd like to call on Mr. Paul Kent from 'Return to Sender' to provide us with a report from the Gift Committee."

"Thank you Mr. Chairman," said Paul rising to face all of them. "It's great to see some of you again. Larry and Gerry, you guys are looking a lot better since the last time I saw you." He paused to let the room settle for a moment as they all remembered their drunk alien antics. "It's great to see everyone in such good spirits, but I'm afraid our committee does not have good news."

I knew this wasn't Kent's strong suit so I prodded him saying, "What the hell happened Kent?"

He didn't have a chance to reply. As usual General Harris upstaged him saying, "Look here Moog! We all have limitations."

I made a heavy sigh hoping it would not go unnoticed, "The chair recognizes General Harris out of turn. Make your point Harris!"

"It's simple Moog. So simple even you can understand it. We have limitations. There's only so much we can do!"

"Sounds like more excuses," shouted out someone. I couldn't get a fix on who it was, but then a shady figure in dark glasses came forward.

"I think I can shed some insight on this General," said Agent Smith with a broad grin beneath his mirrored Ray-Bans.

"The chair recognizes someone who is not supposed to be recognized, Special Agent Smith."

Smith took his time and walked out to a spot evenly placed between the head table and the main group. He paused to take a moment to survey the room. "As many of you know I may or may not be Special Agent Smith form the NSA."

"How do you spell that?" said Delmar taking a shot at him and I had to wink with my approval.

Smith did his best to show only mild irritation and continued, "I'm sure I don't have to remind all of you that this meeting is classified. Just the hippies and a few of you alien weirdo types will need to be reminded."

I'd had enough of his crap already and said, "OK the chair recognizes that Agent Smith is nuts, so I'm calling Professor Kent back up to complete his report."

Paul stepped forward again taking care to make sure none of the others were about to try and help him anymore. "Mr. Chairman, our report is not very good. Without the assistance of something like a serious head injury, as long as we exist within the creators world, his mind that is, there is nothing we can do without him knowing about it."

I thought that was very profound and surprising. I'd never thought about it that way before. I was intrigued and asked, "Are you saying, he, the creator, knows what I'm going to do before I do?"

"I'd say it even goes far beyond that. Not only does he know what you are going to do, he is the one that decides if you do it."

"Bull shit!" shouted General Harris. "No one tells me what to do or say!"

"Except for right now," I said with a smile. "He controls everything we say and do and if Professor Kent is right, he controls what we think."

"I don't by any of that college boy bullshit," said Harris defiantly. "I'm General William Trenton Harris! No one tells me what to think or do, and I want to be a woman!"

"A what?" said Kent ending with a gaped mouth.

"I want to become a woman," he said with his eyes darting about wildly obviously not able to believe what was coming out of him. "Holly shit! Where did that come from?"

I looked at his panicked face and said, "This could be a case of the creator making a point."

"Point or no God damned point, I'm a patriot. I've served my country for most of my life. I put my panties on like any other-."

"Any other cross dressing senior military leader?" I asked cutting him off. I could see the uncomfortable feeling on his face as his mouth twitched when he felt his new undergarments. I think he decided to make a retreat.

Just as I was about to call upon Kent to finish his report a slender and very normal looking young man came forward. "Aye, it tis Jimmy Whelan here and this handsome lass on me arm is Tanya."

"Of course," I said, "The chair recognizes Mr. Whelan from 'The Spirit of Youth' and his story love interest, the lovely Tanya."

"Ah, you're a good lad Mr. Moog and her's to the fine job you're doing here."

"Thank you Mr. Whelan. Now what is your question?"

"I was nominated by the boys in my story to make enquiries as to what your plan is for the serving. Will it be a lager night or a rough ale morning after?"

I had to admit is wasn't something I'd thought of until now. They looked like they were expecting an answer so I said, "I'd plan on calling in sick the next day."

Jimmy hailed at that and threw his hands in the air. "Ale it tis Boys!" and the rest of them whooped after him.

For a moment I was caught up in the excitement of it all until I realized, all we'd accomplished so far was making sure the drunks were taken care of. I decided it might be a good time to put it all out there for them to decide.

"Look everyone. So far the beer is the only thing we've made progress on. Professor Kent has ruled out a gift. Does anyone have a suggestion, beyond cross dressing, as to how we could celebrate the creators reaching this milestone?"

It was so strange for me to stand in front of them watching the gears in their complex little minds working away knowing full well it was the creator's mind doing it all and fighting writers block. I knew something was going to happen soon and I prayed it would not be more gratuitous sexual antics. I know I sure didn't want to see an orgy with the central subject an insect in a leisure suit, and I sure as hell didn't want to be in it either. Then, as though these very meanderings were meant to buy some time, something very unexpected happened.

From the back of the room came a horrible scream as something huge and hideous pushed it's way forward. Then it got to the front, we all averted out eyes as it said, "Me idea got!"

I fought the urge to be sick and said, "The chair does not recognize this creature due to the previous vague descriptions but considering everyone is disgusted and to terrified to look, this must the The Vorlex."

"Ahh...Situation bad, Vorlex step out of character make easy to others," it said and the changed it's posture. "Look guys. This is so simple. The best thing to do, is  have Mr. Moog document this gathering for others to see just what kind of crazy bastard is behind all of this stuff. Now me character back!"

Like everyone else I tried very hard not to look at The Vorlex partly because of it's hideous nature, but also to give the creator a break on not having to figure out how to describe it. Of course none of it mattered any more once someone else jumped in.

Gerry had come forward with Professor Bronstien in tow. "Mr. Chairman, I'd like to raise a point of procedure," said Gerry.

"Sure," I said, "Why not. The Chair recognizes Mr. Gerry of 'Return to Sender' fame.

"Thank you Mr. Chairman. I couldn't help but notice that The Vorlex, as interesting as it might be, is a character form a story written long before the commemorative period. Am I right in pointing out that the creator made this work many years ago."

I watched The Vorlex make something like a growling noise at Gerry and then started to move toward him. I pointed at it saying, "That's enough Vorlex, you can go crawl under something.

"He may have a point as far as procedures go," said Delmar.

"That is exactly what we are talking about," added Bronstien.

"I don't see it as a legitimate issue in this case," I said. I wanted this part of the discussion to be over as soon as possible. We still hadn't done anything really meaningful yet.

"I understand that Sir," said Bronstien, "I think the key word here is that we are planing an event for an anniversary. That particular work is from many years ago as are several others. They are not a product of the time period in question."

"I know that," I said and looked to Delmar for some help.

Shuffling some papers to look official Delmar said, "We are looking at this situation from the idea that the items in question were never published in the past."

Bronstien gave a small shrug of acceptance and said, "I suppose that is fair provided the questionable items are not eligible for any part of the awards ceremony."

"OK! Ok! There isn't going to be any awards ceremony. Got it!" I shouted to put a stop to it.

"Well not now, but we were working on it," said Gerry.

"And I might add, a rumour was circulating about a special award being created for an administrator of the year. Perhaps a person who is responsible for organizing events and such," said Bronstien.

"There will be no awards Professor," I said as firmly as possible. He had gotten to me and I went a bit too far then I thrust my hand out sending him away. It was sort of strange to watch a world renowned scientist stomp his feet and kick at the floor like a disgruntled toddler.

Delmar looked over at me and said, "I think you just made another enemy."

"Are you keeping track?" I said without skipping a beat. Thinking I'd put a stop to Delmar's prodding, I started looking around the room for another challenge I wasn't disappointed for long.

Delmar sat up suddenly and flicked his tongue out to taste the air. He had a very strange knack for being able to taste danger. With only Delmar's strange intuition as a warning, there was a huge blast knocking the large double doors of the entrance off their hinges and flying into the room.There was smoke in the air and the smell of things charred, but there was something else. Riding on the heels of the shock wave was a most repulsive and putrid odour. I tried to find something in my memory that came close to this stench, but the closest thing I could come up with was rotting fish guts with a 12 day egg cracked on top. The smell was so bad, I saw The Vorlex start to gag and I still don't have any idea where it's mouth is. I couldn't tell for certain, but it looked like Maphesto filled his diaper.

"What the hell is going on?" said Delmar panicking.

I tried to see what was behind all of this by looking at the double doors. There had been light shining in from the outer hall, but now it was blocked by some large dark mass.

"What is that black blob?" asked Delmar.

I strained to look closer at it and said, "That's not black. That is a very dark green."

"I think you're right Sir," said Larry clicking away. "Sort of reminds me of a festering wound."

And just like a festering abscess that has ballooned behind the skin holding it back, Zolton popped through the entrance followed by an entourage of strange creatures.

I'd never seen Zolton, but both his reputation and smell had preceded him. With all of the description I had been given about him, I was sure it couldn't be anyone else. Watching him lumber through the onlookers shaking hands and giving out condoms there was no mistaking who he was. Putting it all the together with the short little pointy headed guy and the military one with all the eyes, I was more than 99% sure it was him.

"This is a nice place," said Zolton, "It's way better than the last dump we stopped at."

"My Lord, I can change it if you so desire," said the little pointy headed one. I couldn't say for sure, but I thought he might be the Evil Dr. Triangle I'd heard so much about.

Zolton paused to take an interest and said "What did you have in mind?"

The creature had some sort of electronic screen face mask that switched from a sneer to a wide smile and said, "Total and absolute destruction Sire."

"What about everyone in there?"

"As always, my thoroughness would make certain to ensure zero survivors."

That's when I knew it was Triangle for sure. I'd heard a lot about him , but I never thought he'd be so small. Right then I started feeling strange, like someone was watching  me, but like they were right over my shoulder. With no one but Delmar near me I had to shrug it off until I spotted Triangle bent over with his pointed head directed at me while the tip of it vibrated violently. I knew what was going on so I thought very hard about him betting the hell out of my head. I think he was snickering at me, but it's hard to tell with him having that damned mask on.

Zolton's belly giggled like a seismic event and he laughed while patting Triangle on the back. "Good one Triangle," he said and pulled his hand away leaving a large puddle of slime behind. The remnants stretched between them like hot melted mozzarella cheese. Zolton snapped his hand back and forth to get rid of it while some sort of special property of Triangle's jacket seemed to ignite and burn it off.

"Sorry we're late," said Zolton.

"You can't be late for something you were not invited to," I replied.

Zolton picked something organic looking from one of his folds and said, "Apology accepted. Now let's get down to business,"

I wanted to get official so I banged my gavel down and said, "The Chair recognizes, with some hesitation, Lord Zolton, Ruler of Zefferon and the Zefferonian Empire from 'Which Way to The Earth'."

"Hey thanks, thanks a lot. It's great to be here. I know we've never been here with you guys, but it's nice to see nothing's really changed," said Zolton.

I was about to respond to him but Triangle activated some sort of sound sample device and we were treated to Zolton's speech ending with a rim shot.

I responded with a quick rap on my gavel and said, "The chair does not recognize the use of cheap comedic sound effects, nor other expressions such as rubber chickens, fart machines, or related items designed to get a laugh or cause everyone else to suffer at it's expense."

"Oh Yeah!" said Zolton as he reached back and pulled a member of his group forward in front of him. Once the figure was out in front he pulled the lovely flowing robe from it and said, "Everyone say hello, and maybe Oh No! To Governor Fahdid from Norf!"

Suddenly there were screeches and moans from either side of me and that took away from the spectacle at my front. Once I realized it was the cause of the excitement I turned my attention back to the source and instantly regretted it. I'd like to say I've never seen anything quite like this thing, but I'd be lying.  It was a strange sort of humanoid looking thing that had a very hardened outer shell like an insect. I guess it might be like Larry, except he always has the good sense and taste to remain in a leisure suit at all times. This guy was different because his primary weapon was right out in front like it was meant to ward off enemies.

Fahdid put his hands on his slender hips and said, "I can tell you are all shocked by my penis sheath. I can assure you it is nothing unusual at all where I come from."

"I think we can all see where you come from buddy," said Delmar.

Fahdid remained defiant and hit the sheath hard making a sound like a couple of rocks banging together. "I can assure you this is perfectly normal."

"Sure if you think being circumcised with a jack hammer is normal," called out Professor Bronstien.

I had to bang the gavel some more to get a grip on the room. "We need to have some order right now!" I shouted and they started to come back in line. I waved at Zolton trying to tell him to get control of Fahdid. I was starting to get the impression he was expecting to leave him with us or somehow forget him. I wasn't about to let that happen. So once things seemed to be back in order I decided to see if I could get some idea as to what Zolton was doing here. The best way to do that was to get someone else to get the information out of him.

"The chair recognizes Mr. Geldron and his trusted partner Mr Vedrocan from 'The Courtship of Veddy's Father' to take the floor."

"Thank you Mr Chairman, fellow important characters, and those of you filling in the blanks," said Geldron. "I think we are beginning to lose sight of what it is that has brought us all together here. The Creator made us all, and though not all of us were created equal or at the same time, the solution is clear."

"Yeah! We was first, so you can all eat it!" added Veddy. I could see right away the shock of someone that looked like an 8 year old and chomping on the end of a large cigar was having on them. All of them except for Dr. Triangle who looked impressed with him and his stature.

Geldron upstaged his little partner saying, "I think what Vedrocan is trying to say is that, while some of us came to being in this past year, we were all brought to life on 'Booksie' in this past year. In the eyes of the Creator, and more importantly, in the eyes of the readers we are all the same."

The room was the quietest it had been since the start or this ordeal, but before I could commend Geldron I was interrupted by a strange sound. To me, it sounded like someone was slapping a couple of large rotting salmons together. When I followed the sound, the source turned out to be Zolton starting a slow dramatic clap.

"Wow," boomed out Zolton over the sound of his fat slapping. "What a huge load of shit and look at me, I know a thing or two about giant piles of shit!"

"I'm pretty sure you'd never see it without a mirror tubby," said Veddy looking proud of himself.

"Hey, I like this little twerp," said Zolton, "But we are getting off topic here."

I saw this as my chance to bring some focus back to our meeting and said, "I understand what you're doing here Lord Zolton, but this isn't the place for it."

"This is nothing but a shameless attempt to attach yourself to our success," added Delmar. "You are not fooling anyone."

Dr. Triangle came forward, "Sire, if I may? We, the originals, are the ancestors for which you owe everything. We created the path to creativity, the path to glory, the trail to-."

"I'm just doing the same bullshit you are," said Zolton cutting him off. "We aren't doing anything different than you and this piece of crap fluff piece to mark one year. If it gets someone reading any of this shit, I'm all for it."

Delmar and I conferred for a moment discussing the situation. It didn't take long for him to come to the same conclusion. Zolton was right, this was a scam as well as a desperate attempt to seek approval. I had to agree with Delmar when he said, "As usual, the fattest guy in the room knows the best way to find food and how to bullshit people. Anyone who comes up with 'Big Boned' or 'Water Weight' has some serious gall."

I had to admit we were on the same page so I called everyone to order again and said, "In lieu of this new information from our friends from the 'Which Way to The Earth' franchise, I officially call this meeting adjourned. We can take a look at this issue again next year."


The End, over to you Brian...


So I suppose the only thing left for me to do now is observe their wishes and put this up on Booksie. Just remember to direct your hate mail accordingly, but if I can help in some way or pass your comments along, I'd be more than happy to.



© Copyright 2019 Brian P Baldwin. All rights reserved.

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