Ray's Father

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 01, 2018

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Submitted: August 01, 2018

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Ray’s father committed suicide
the same year I read that letter
the same year I graduated high school
the same year I read that letter,
that letter.
 
I was going off to college that year
to college to chase my dreams
but all I could think
about that year was
in that fucking letter.
 
Ray’s father was a firefighter and bipolar
and felt like he was watched 
every second of every day of every second
every second he felt like he
was watched.
 
My girlfriend that year took pills that year
for anxiety that whispered
and whispered
and it was particularly loud that
year
that year she wrote that letter,
that letter.
 
I thought about suicide for the
first time that year
that year I read that letter
that unfinished—scrawled—
hand-written—incoherent— 
lonely letter.
 
In my being that year— 
my being or remaining?
My being or remaining?— My being,
I thought about suicide
a lot that year
but my heart is still, and always is
as time will tell in time.
 
Listen— 
Listen— 
Listen— 
 
I read that letter again this year,
this year I’m graduating college.
It’s hard to believe I was ever that
young, that year, that young, whelp!
I feel bad for that me that year
but that year Ray found his father dead
and my girlfriend didn’t finish that letter
and I thought about suicide
and Father Death stuck around
and sang the blues
and I read and reread that letter 
just as Krapp taped himself listening to tapes of himself
listening to tapes
and my girlfriend didn’t finish
that letter— 
that letter.
 
Father Death is still singing,
but Krapp never made another tape.
and this year
my girlfriend will marry another man.
and this year 
I will not reread that letter.
and this year
I will graduate college.
and this year
so will Ray.


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