Don’t Harangue The Orangutan

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Red Wolph Literature

Submitted: August 03, 2018

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Submitted: August 03, 2018



Don’t harangue the orangutan.
Please don’t pester the penguin.
Try not to tire the tiger.
Stop sassing the snakes; they’re so anguine.

Don’t complain to the camel.
Don’t irritate the inchworm.
Shy away from scaring the scamell.
Never piss off the pachyderm.

Don’t patronize the platypus.
Don’t disparage the duck.
Never call the walrus a wuss.
Don’t mock the marmoset’s luck.

Be tender with the tarantula.
Honor the rhinoceros.
Never kick the kangaroo,
And never rail on the rhesus.

You may ask why I’m warning you thus,
My zoological friend.
If you won’t heed my advice,
You’ll meet your zoo-faring end:

The orangutan would organize
And get the penguin some pistols
Who would teach the tiger to drive a tank,
And the snake would supply the missiles.

The camel would lead the cavalry.
The inchworm would insist on ICBMs.
The scamell would stab and slash with her beak.
The pachyderm would provide battering rams.

The platypus would get plastered,
So the duck would deal with him.
The walrus would wield wanton weapons.
The marmoset would mass-kill at whim.

The tarantula would torture.
The rhinoceros would ruefully conspire.
The kangaroo would carry cartridges
For the rifles the rhesus would fire.

But the other option — which is better I think —
If you do what I have said,
You’ll wind up just like me
(That is, you won’t be dead).

The orangutan would open his arms.
The penguin would pat your back.
The tiger would tickle your tired toes,
And the snake would snatch you a snack.

The camel would carry you copious amounts,
And the inchworm would insist you go first.
The scamell would softly sing you to sleep,
And the pachyderm would prance 'til he burst.

The platypus would be pleased to provide you with Pilsner.
The duck would drink with you too.
The walrus would wash it all down
With marmoset-made mango brew.

The tarantula would toss the salad.
The rhino would read the recipes.
The kangaroo would keep all the kitchen supplies,
And the rhesus would record the festivities.

So be nice to your zoo-kept compatriots.
They haven’t bothered me in ages —
Though not because I was nice to them:
They just happen to be stuck in cages.

© Copyright 2019 N. M. Rudolph. All rights reserved.

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