Kingdom of Victims

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic


The story of a prince confronting his "mother" after learning she is a legendary demon that manipulated a forgotten kingdom and the king into her own hand, realizing he is far too late to reverse
the devastating effects...



The gigantic balcony opened up on one side of the room, no winds or sunshine dared to break the endless darkness of each day and night with no separation between the two. He sat at one end of the long table that stretched to another end of the room. Shiny marble flooring, golden walls and cryptic drawings of angels were the limbs of this dining room. The young boy patiently waited in his own decorated seat, words were carved precisely into the back of the chair as if it was done by a master smith,

Prince of Light, Purin Luminai

The prince tapped his fingers in a rhythmic pattern against the table, his metal gauntlets clanked at the firm yet smooth texture of the table. His zeal, innocent eyes glanced around the room, observing the many complete sets of armor meant for noble knights that were displayed in front of a pillar. He looked straight ahead at the other end of the table, near it was grand doors guarded by two elite paladins, they stood motionless with their greatswords in their hands. As the prince continued counting the seconds that passed by, vivid memories burst into his mind, reminding him why he was there causing his body to release cold sweats. He remembered a scared shrine faraway, a voice from the holy clouds above whispering into his ear,

She is the embodiment of all sins...

His fingers started tapping the table faster while breaking his rhythm,

A prophesized creature with a hunger for malevolence...

His heart pumped with extreme anxiety,

We warned your father of her temptations long before you were given life...

His eyes fluttered with images of his father before him,

Yet he failed to resist...will you meet the same fate?

The doors slowly opened as the paladins stepped to the side and turned to face the figure that emerged from behind. A beautiful lady, covered in the pristine clothing embedded in radiant gems and jewels. Her hair was light brown and reached to her lower back, she had no reason to keep it from being free and loose. Her dress consisted of silky fabrics that split as it reached her legs, revealing her legs that were covered by white stockings. Her smile was faint as if it was a cocky smug grin. She tilted her head as she revealed bright oceans trapped within her eyes. She spoke in a graceful tune,

"Purin, my child, where have you been? I was worried sick..."

She made her way to next to the table where a silver grand piano was placed. She took a seat behind the instrument. She revealed her frail, pale fingers before a wave of intoxicating melody filled the room, her quiet voice hummed to each action she created with her soft touch. While the music continued, Purin found himself shivering as more seemingly innocent memories passed through his imagination.

The marriage, the ceremonies, the funeral...

 Each of these events had the song playing, Purin never thought that it would come down to all of this. He looked towards one of the humongous walls, a framed painting of the deceased king, his father, smiling back at him. Purin stood up, unsheathed his treasured family longsword and frantically rebelled the fake persona she was performing for all these years,

"Y-You're not my mother! I've heard the spirits in the heavens! Stop this deception, you will not blight this kingdom any longer!"

Her fingers stopped, the piano choked and stopped producing any more sounds. She quietly stood up and giggled with pleasure. Soon the giggles deformed into a maniacal laughter as she covered her face. Her voice distorted as she revealed one of her eyes to be toxic purple, black wings ripped themselves out of her back, her fingers curled up and her heartless gaze pierced Purin like a quick dagger. She whispered as the frozen knights in the room slowly filled with life,

"Have you forgotten? What will you save? Your father's empire has already succumbed to my desires..."

The prince realized as he dropped his sword in acceptance. She was right. The demon cackled as the knights surrounded him, closing in for the kill. However, the devilish queen halted them as she gave a new order,

"Allow him to live in nothing but a kingdom of victims..."

 



Submitted: August 04, 2018

© Copyright 2021 VeN0m333. All rights reserved.

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Comments

jack lafountain

Is this a chapter to a larger story? I got lost in your descriptions. There were a lot of words that added nothing to the image you wanted to create. The story as is doesn't take me anywhere.

Sat, August 4th, 2018 11:11pm

Author
Reply

To answer your question, no. Unlike my other short stories, this was more of a challenge for me as I tried creating a story that had an unveiled past that reveals itself as the ending comes, (similar to opening a book mid-way without reading the beginning). I did, however, attempt to give some shards of the past through flashbacks or memories. It seems I've got to give this more time. If I may ask, can you leave a few examples of the sets of words you did not like? Thank you for the feedback ^-^

Sat, August 4th, 2018 4:34pm

jack lafountain

In response to your request, what do you think of this possible first paragraph?
The balcony opened onto a room of endless darkness impenetrable by wind or sun. Purin sat at the head of long table in a chair craved with his name by a master smith; Purin Luminai, Prince of Light. He looked across the marble floor at the golden walls hung with drawings of angels. Puzzling over the drawing's cryptic designs eased the pain of waiting.

The Prince drummed his fingers; metal gauntlets clanked out a steady rhythm...

Mon, August 6th, 2018 3:52am

Author
Reply

Ah, it seems I've got a lot to take much more time constructing the formatting but I see what you mean, "painting" a scenery with descriptive words is important as relating to the past, present and future. I guess I focused too much on the actual story and I forgot to find that balance of attention to both things. Thank you and I will try to use this good feedback on my future short stories.

Sun, August 5th, 2018 10:32pm

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