I lost my suitcase yesterday

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wandered off into the field.

I had to get away.

You followed me into the field.

You put my beasts at bay.

We fought again

I cried more tears

My blood was freezing cold.

You yelled at me and cursed my name .

This is getting very old.

You forgot the promises you made me.

Everyone single one was fake.

Time has passed and now I see .

It's not the model

its the make.

I sobered up for you this time

I did it with no regret

I put up little fight or fuss

And light another cigarette

You followed me

as I went back

into the mad mad world.

We forgot our suitcases

I ran

I spun

I twirled.

You always knew when I was high.

I taught you all the tricks.

And now we see as time went by

you let me catch those licks.

You left me when I needed a friend.

You left me high and dry.

I never got an answer

and you wouldn't even try.

We didn't talk but once or twice

every time was sad.

You hated me

I hated you

Why must it hurt this bad.

Self respect was lost 

So was respect for you

Ill never play pretend again.

I'm onto something new.

I found the suitcase I had lost 

Everything was gone.

My life

my pride

my dignity.

At least the sting was gone.

The drugs are gone now

and I fear so is our love and trust

Things are so blurry 

I cannot see 

I cannot walk

So crawl i must. 

I am slowly filling up my bags 

Just not with useless things

Our relationship is still messed up

but I must put me first.

If I stop working on myself

the problem comes back worse.

I want you to smile more and laugh

You wish I'd just shut up

If we dont start caring now we both know where well end up.

I have a monster that I fight

You fight him next to me

As I lay here dying

He cackles cunningly

He tricks me into thinking I can make you believe my lies

You always see through to my heart when you look into my.eyes

You picked up my suitcase one last time.

Told me that this was it

For once i held my ground

  I promised I would quit

I went to rehab for 3 months

The memory still makes me sick

I didn't talk to anyone

The bomb no longer ticks

At home now I feel so strange

Like people wish me dead

I feel parts coming back to me

the monster has been fed.

My suitcase is my heart you see

A little piece of me

 I do not hide my heart

my laugh

my love

or  my dignity.

Submitted: August 05, 2018

© Copyright 2021 Nastasia Mitchell. All rights reserved.

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