I Am Done

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Red Wolph Literature


I wrote this to a friend when I was about to quit a job and start my own business.

Submitted: August 06, 2018

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Submitted: August 06, 2018

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I've been so frustrated, so impatient, sometimes irritable, almost angry.
I've been constricting myself with the words people have given me.
I've been suppressing myself because people say things can't be done.
I've been believing the people who didn't believe in me.

No more.

I am now determined — however long it takes — to exert my skills, to walk on paths of real work, real creativity.

I am so frustrated that I started so late. I am so frustrated that it's not happening faster.
Still, I am learning patience and discipline, focus and thoroughness.

I am shedding fears and working more, talking more, listening more, creating more.
I am so tired of old habits — both mine and others'.
I am so frustrated by weak wills — both mine and others'.

I am angry at all the voices that say "can't" "don't" "won't" "shouldn't."
I am angry at the voices that tell me I'm just pretending, that tell me to get a real job.

I am done waiting for people to tell me how and when I should serve.
I am done tiptoeing around people's irrational fears.
I am done thinking my success depends on any one, random job.
I am done thinking my parents know me very well.

I am done pretending the church knows how to live like Christ.
I am done accepting input without supporting evidence.
I am done submitting myself to people's unvoiced expectations.
I am done pretending things will be fixed in a day.
I am done thinking failures will consume my future.

I am done boxing myself inside of people's weak, manipulative minds.
I am done pretending people as a whole can change, but I am devoting myself to individual persons.
I am done thinking I am worth less than I am.

I am done fretting about people who don't want to grow up.
I am done with empty talk that leads nowhere.
I am done taking people seriously who never ask questions.
I am done with the American worship of self and love of money.

I am done with holding grudges, but I am also done listening to people who aren't paying attention.
I am done giving people cheap answers to their noncommittal questions.
I am done wasting my time on people who just want quick, easy solutions.
I am done letting people come to false conclusions about me (to my face at least).
I am done arguing with people who are completely ignorant.

I am done apologizing for being me.


© Copyright 2018 N. M. Rudolph. All rights reserved.

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