Playing with my demons

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 07, 2018

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Submitted: August 07, 2018

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Playing with my Demons

 

At night I sit up

Playing three card monte

With my Demons.

 

I am the Queen

And they are the Jokers

Hustling me into darkness

Hiding me in plain sight

Gambling with my emotions

Flipping cards over to reveal lies

Finessing me into believing false scenarios

Conjuring up insecurities in my head.

 

And when they are done scrapping away my sanity

they cast shadows on the walls

My own paranoia circles around the room

My demons dance like professional ballerinas in mid-air

Performing Pirouettes and Grande Jetés in the thick silence

 

They laugh at me

And the Jokers jump off the flat surface of their playing cards

Tipping their jester hats with satisfaction

Giving me a toothy smile

as my throat closes

I gasp for air,

And my vision blurs

I grasp my chest.

 

At this moment when I am most vulnerable

My demons vanish

Leaving me in silence

But it only gets worse from here.

 

Now that I sit here alone

Tangled up in the sheets

That have tightened around my torso

Like a boa constrictor going in for the kill

 

I am left with my own thoughts

The ones that my demons have so delicately left me to tamper with

The thoughts that speak to me in the noiseless room

The ones that tell me I am worthless, alone,

and have no one to trust

And it is in these dark and dreary moments

Between midnight and dusk

that I am prone to overthinking.

 

It is these moments especially,

When I find myself in hysteria

over all the things I have done wrong

And all the things I didn’t do.

 

The demons have worked their magic on me

Their presence becomes the strongest when they are not there

It is when I am alone with my thoughts when their powers are in full effect

 

Maybe tomorrow we can play Russian roulette

Maybe tomorrow I won’t have to pull the trigger

Maybe tomorrow…

my demons will do it for me.


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