Sanctified (2006)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 08, 2018

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Submitted: August 08, 2018

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  I sit in my sanctuary, my peace, my calm, my prison. A decision in every direction I look. What to do... How to do it... when... where... and why... who should I look to, who should I not, is this it...or is it that...

I owe to those that know me, a debt that grows slowly and opens a hole below me.  Such painful and trying times are these.  Our actions are disdainful, our lying ways a disease that slowly spreads.  Good people with lowly and even unholy thoughts in their heads.  Oyr threads are drawn and sewn together, whether we like it or not.Then, gone... and blown to wherever...

I look at the face of my friend, for a trace of what will come in the end,for something on which I can depend, for truth or faith or a hand to lend, but her eyes show fear and distrust from disguised lust and unclear lies and disgust.  So... I must let her know and prove that I am real. What I do is not for show... how I move, what I feel... through dust and sorrow. I won't abuse or steal, to the best that I know, until she can finally reveal the rest of her soul.

  Then, after the layers have been peeled... I have to let her go...  then I'm alone, like before... except now it hurts more, for I know that she's behind some closed door and I won't be able to see her anymore... I know life will keep moving along. The strife will keep proving me wrong.  Dragging me on...

  I just hope that before I die, that I will get to see why we are deprived and made to cry... or will we brought together in the end?  To hold each other and smile again... To see each other and discover what we have uncovered and know just how we've recovered.  Maybe then we will be lovers.....

  But, I know that's a silly dream thing.... and I should just pull up the covers and roll over.  This - happens like this.  It only exists for this little bit and we do what we do with it, then it's over...  I know her life will be fine, but I'm sad that it won't align with mine... and I'm unable to define why... I can' help but cry... instead of saying goodbye...

I love you, you know.... and I don't want you to go.  Even though I know it must be so...

I'll miss you.... fiercly....  memories will pierce me.....and when you have a moment free.... 

I hope you'll thnk of me...


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