this is our reality

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wish I could have said this sooner

Submitted: August 18, 2018

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Submitted: August 11, 2018



Lately I've been trusting people less and less, I've been shutting myself in cause loving hurts and there's no remedy for a broken heart. Every love song I hear is like rubbing salt into an open cut and every love just leaves me torn apart, shattered into a million pieces. Sometimes I wonder if these are the actions of a human being I wonder how you could do this, are you from a different species? You left my heart in a million pieces now I don't know which to follow I'm so numb, I don't care about a lot cause that shit left me hallow. I thought you were a lot of things but I never thought you were shallow, I know you were hurting from something else I know you were struggling I just wish you knew I was your crutch that I was tryna stop you from stumbling. I could never know your pain but I can tell you about mine when you wouldn't let me care about you. Do you know about serenity? I'm talking about Tranquillity. I Can't lie being around you inspired that kinda peace inside of me, it made it so easy to expose myself, I never thought some day you would lie to me. See I hate that behind every great memory of you there's a bitter one too, I hate that for every reason I loved you there's a reason I despise you too. I never kept shit from you, I mean all the plans I devised you knew, Always online on Facebook but I was not one you were talking to, Always had to text first, never woke up to a text from you and I made more efforts for you than I ever have for myself, I shared more of myself with you than I ever have with my pens, I told you that I fall fast and I fall hard, you told me about you that you're the same, I told you everything, I told you about my pain, and I thought you would stay. I thought we had this figured out I thought it was us against the rest I thought you realized that in my heart you had built a nest. It crossed my mind that maybe you were lonely, maybe the long distance was killing you but shit it was killing me too. My friends knew I was diggin you truly and them niggas thought you were diggin me too but look where we are now, like strangers who have never met before. I've been through a lot of shit that would hurt me but that shit just hurt me more, no lie, I cry about it sometimes and I wanna gouge my eyes out, I just wanna scream loud I wanna rip my chest open, to the source of my pain and just rip that shit out. I can hear it beating, I feel it bleeding, and they see me breathing and they think all is well because they never see me reaching out, I know I pulled the trigger I know I said it's over, I wanted us to fix shit but you showed me no interest, when I asked if we could work it out, and you said "Not Really" that shit really killed me It made me cold toward you, it made it hard for me to love you, It made it hard to love you, now I find myself without you and I still want to be beside you but it's hard to find my heaven inside of you now, and now I'm just left to suffer the consequences of what pride would do, and at one point I almost told you that I would die for you that was the one thing I had kept from you, I'm sorry I had to hide it from you I know I'm still breathing, but I'm dead inside and when your feelings died I just died with you.

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