All in my mind

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


All the poems in this are from times in my life where all i had was a pen and a pad to let go of all emotions. I hope these reach out and help others with their lives too.

Submitted: August 12, 2018

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Submitted: August 12, 2018

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Time: I dont have enough of this thing called time i wish i could rewind and retype my life where i failed or felt pain. Id dry up those rainy days and paint a better smile on my face. Time is but an illusion it was created to stop this mass confusion of how long is my day or how long can i play is it time for me to pay this or that or am i at the end of this trap we call life, sometines i feel that what i say cant be right but maybe it is i wanna say this is it but really this is where it begins. I sit and stare at the clock on the wall praying that it would fall then maybe time would stand still and i could start to fill in these holes in my heart im doing surgery on myself where im torn apart picking up the pieces looking around to see no one even cares why i do i try why do i care? Time is a lapse of itself on a track to nowhere this sentence might be my last so i hope that you care for one day the sand in your vile my run out have you said what you need to say at the moment you wanted to say it? Or did you run and hide its almost time to go so say your goodbyes why? Is what they say but theres a better place somewhere i just hope they care when i get there....

Blank page:

I have soo many thoughts in soo many days, soo much so that it overwhelms me in everyway. I try writing everything i think about into these paragraphs that will later take me back to a time when.. life was a simpler stay now i just wanna stay away and push this pen to this paper. Staring at this blank page. what i thought was hours was actually days, and some nights i thought i had this down i thought i was so bright now it seems like my light has gone out like a bright light smashed by a little kid having a bad night screaming for his parents because his night light made a shape that made him scream in fright. I dont know why all these thoughts come to mind soo many things and soo little time.. i wish i could catch these thoughts in a jar it would by far be the most bizarre thing ive ever seen. i live in a world where a man at 25 has the mind the goes back to 5, but its the way i live trying to process these thoughts through a pen down to this paper, man im getting good at this maybe ill get greater, but Even at this age.. im still staring at this blank page...

Butterfly:

Have you taken the time to look at a butterfly? My what your missing it has soo many colors you should take a look a gander and wonder. As i look at this beautiful creature and its beautiful colors for a moment i forget that my grandma is getting older, and one day will be gone it scares me sometimes but i move on. Man what amazing patterns are on its wings.. i cant believe he started to do drugs again, how do i help him again? Man its amazing how it takes off and just goes away to a better place, reminds me that i miss my great uncle who slowly perished and i could only take a seat by his feet for a whole week god im weak!! Theres soo many this time and many different shapes and colors have you seen soo many at one place and time? Come over and look at these butterflies. As she looks she feels no more pain shes forgotten how she lost her brother in that crash on that rainy September day.. the old man looks as well in awe leaving behind that he lost his wife last fall. I sit back and stare because without the little things in life we would all just give up and thats not fair. So take the time no matter how hard it gets go out take a look and watch them go by we all need to see these butterflies....

Untitled:

The feelings i have and the feelings i dont are so misunderstood and so underwrote. Maybe its me or maybe its them the ties ive had with close friends have seem to come to an end.. i try with all my might and part of my heart maybe its not enough so i erased that part. I wanna be happy but what does that entail? Maybe itll make me better or maybe bitter, we hide behind masks that we create so the world cant see us cry but deep and inside we are no longer alive. Our soul is like a dimmering ember in a cold winter breeze.. its hard to believe that i couldnt be or maybe didnt wanna be who i believed i ought to be. I read into things too much or i dont read into them at all, have i lost my mind or am i not lost at all? Maybe ive been found in a profound way that makes me believe that i dont belive in me in the way i should, but who is to say what we are and who we are? Maybe this doesnt make sense maybe its just rambling and scrambling of words i jotted down in my head on a day i couldnt take it anymore and just gave way. I hope this makes waves in the vast of the ocean of unheard voices that scream for help but arent seen or heard because that mask.. that mask you see.. mutes those screams of pain and soaks those tears that burn our faces i hope.. i hope ...

My time here:

During my time here theres been allot of fights but most they fear the thought of life, been going through emotions so fast its like im going into lightyears. Trying to fake a smile infront of all my peers like its me trying to avoid the leer, you know what i mean when i say it gets hot around your ears. My time here isnt what i thought itd be, mostly lost and no found going house to house my home isnt bound to one place and im running out of time here. So here i go again going through allot of thoughts like man i just forgot but maybe i should just forget because then i wouldnt remember how it begins or where it started these words are mixing around i think im going retarded getting obnoxious and feeling stupid like im back in school again and im the new kid. Over 13 times i was the new kid moving back to back to back again like who is this oh its him again. heard that soo many times we would just move one day always on the fly never got the answer to why or where it always came back to when. My time here well its just about to begin....

Loved:

Loving you was the best thing for me it was hard for things to become inbetween us its to think of all the things i did for us, we've senselost some feelings. But together we are the perfect pair i couldnt compare what we have so it wouldnt be fair to give up, give into senseless lust i must keep on keeping my head up and move forward. How can i say this is love if all im feeling is tortured? When all i was doing was putting me before her, drowning in my sins like i said as just beginning to swim in these rapid waters hitting tidal waves everyday. Im needing an escape like where is my superhuman strength and my superhuman cape i need to get into outer space at hyper speeds before i start to hyperventilate. Im sick of all these people just trying to manipulate me so please just take a seat and listen these people got me infected i need a shot of mitomycin, im still missin the point here this about getting your ass up and doing the work here with you with her with me and with him we can all do this just dig deep within.....

Godsend:

Man where to even begin i didnt realize i was able to commit to soo much sin. Father grant me serenity and im sorry for i have sinned and all the crimes ive commit and the things ive commited to but to be honest this is just between me and you and maybe even lou but he isnt here at the moment leave your messege after the beep i think im going insane my lifes just a bleep or maybe a blooper i guess i am really just a loser. My life has no meaning so just belive me when i say there was no beginning and there must not be an end ive tried dying before this isnt pretend. Then people sorrounded me with love when i didnt believe in me the most i thought this was pretend but really it was a godsend. I widh life would been more simple at times but maybe thats the lie i hold inside that keeps my flane hot and alive ive tried ive tried to hide from my overdramatic demise. I know im just over thinking but would you do if you stopped thinking that you mattered my heart looks good on the outsude but its beat up ripped and shattered its like five people being around a set of legos the heart falls apart then they go fix it back up and put it back in its place. But really its not the same so the next person picks ups the pieces and does the same but bot in the same way so there is no way to put back inti its normal state its just the way life is so just live and move on before death grabs you and drags you into the fawn...


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