With No Desire To Change

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


taken from my book, "Flavortism"

Submitted: August 15, 2018

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Submitted: August 15, 2018

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With No Desire To Change

-

I piss on all my thoughts inside

Wondering when I am going to die

I live vaguely

Without any deep seated meaning

Got no complexity

__to have to understand

You could literally see right thru me

Right passed my vacant eyes

That show no soul, at all

With my fractured personality

Not one of me is whole

We are co-dependent on one another

__to carry on

____and live in this world

And by this curse from God

I have to hide parts of me

__from people who shouldn't know

____one and a half of other mes

And two and a half of more of mes

__from all of my family

And only get to show

__all 4 parts of my identity

____to the rest of my friends

Whom I don't get to see very often

Whether they care to recognize me

__or not

In the grip of my disease

I land in my own sickness

And fall to pieces

In my mediocre madness

Which is not much

But is all of the "crazy" that I can stand

To put up with my faulty selves

__is hard work

So I understand why not much people can

I strive not

__to be understood

For, what is the point

__when I don't matter, at all?

I cannot stress my unimportance

__any further than I already have

I don't expect to be respected

I don't care to know

__what the truth is about me

____that seems so obvious

______to all who see me

________the way that they see me

Because when ever I am told of how

It only puts me down

Because of the denials that I can't face

I will let my dreams dwindle

As I try to get out of myself

And focus on the world

Even though by doing that

__I have to explain myself redundantly

Line after line

Verse after verse

Time after time

Sabotaging my own chances

__to achieve any normality

I don't need to live amongst a world

And identify with the douche bags

When I hate douche bags

Even if that's thee only men

__that get anywhere in life

____with women

I hate douche bags

Even if they are what

__women want men to be

I cannot get myself

__to be like that

No matter that

__that stops me

____from getting anywhere with women

Satisfying a woman's taste in men

Is not worth being what I'd have to be

Just to be with anybody

The basis of my fear

Runs too deep for me to get anywhere

And I know it too much

__to do anything about it

But so what?

I'm gonna continue to be me

As difficult to work with

__as I may be

Because what choice do I have?

-

08-14-'18

D. L. Cannon


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