Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt. have you ever felt taken for granted?

Submitted: August 17, 2018

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Submitted: August 17, 2018

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Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?

 
I remember it like yesterday, When I met her she was a very young girl, and I was already in my thirty’s. I had a fling with her one night, but she insisted so much to continue it. I tried so hard to let her go because of the age difference; 15 years. She gave me so much attention and fought for me like crazy. She’d show up in my house, call me day and night, and just wouldn’t take no for an answer. I must admit I liked how she wanted me, I mean, who wouldn’t. Attractive young, loving, lovable, sweet girl. 
 
I don’t know when it all turned into a nightmare. I knew I should have followed my instincts in not getting involved with someone so much younger than me. Like, what was I thinking. If I would’ve known years later she was gonna turn into the opposite I wouldn’t of taken that risk.
 
Every year, it got worse Everything I said was always an argument, everything I did became a fight. Like everything about me bothered her. I knew that love and bond we once had was broken. But I still wanted her, I loved her so much that I still tried and even found myself begging. Now I was the one showing up at her house and blowing up her phone. Except, she didn’t care for it as much as I did. 
 
I’ve dealt with being degraded, insulted, and lied to over and over, but I still wanted her, I still fought for her. She told lies about me to her friends and family, so much that they believed her. No one really knows what kind of person she really is. She’s nothing of what she portraits herself to be. If I can see through her, and notice the front she gives to others, why would I still want her? Why? I ask myself this everyday. Why would I want to be with someone who has talked bad about me to my own friends. I don’t know. 
 
If I didn’t pick up the phone within the first couple of rings I was mistreated and accused. If I stayed out two hours in the backyard with my friends, she mistreat me, and call me all kinds of names. If I went to eat with my family, the insults were even worse. I was a liar always to her, even with proof, she didn’t care. Its like she wanted to control my every move. The insults turned me into a raging monster. Do you know how it feels to justify yourself to someone and they still shit on you? I became this person that I’m not. I felt very ugly inside and I didn’t like who I was becoming. This miserable mean angry person. I felt in a bad mood everyday, yet everyone thinks it’s the other way around because she is a compulsive liar. I’ve caught her in more lies than I have with anyone else. Yet, I still wanted her.
 
Everyone told me let her go, she’s not for you, she’s immature, she’s toxic. But it’s easy for others to say, but not when I already loved her, had my heart set on her, I never in my life have fought for anyone the way I did with her. it wasn’t easy for me to say goodbye. I tried a new tactic -in buying my love, got her presents, took her to fancy dinners, took her on a vacation. I thought maybe if I showered her with presents and money, she love me again. What a slap in the face that was, it didn’t. She even told me once that she couldn’t stand people like me that confront people, that I was rude, old and bitter. I don’t know why she grew to hate me so much but those words became daily in her vocabulary. She even told me her family secretly hated me and that no one liked me. Like I said daily put downs. I asked why, what did I do? I bought her entire family presents and told her to say they were from her, I went above and beyond for this girl. It’s as if she felt pleasure in hurting me. She didn’t care, she took everything I tried to do for granted. Imagine how that made me feel? But, I still wanted her. 
 
I’m to a point that even though I’m suffering inside in disappointment and betrayal  there’s not much else I can really do to change anything. She simply just doesn’t feel the same way as me. All I can do is find closure and wish her the best and move on with my life, because if in 6 years it’s been so bad, what’s to come? I ask myself do I want to live another 10 years of sadness and misery, or do I want break this cord, this attachment I have in my heart for hers, and move on? It’s not easy, I shouldn’t want her.
 
All I can say is We all deserve to be happy, and if your in a bad relationship where someone degrades you and takes you for granted why stay with that? Why? We are supposed to make our partners happy, by saying nice things. By appreciating them, by showing love. Not insulting, degrading and hating them. 
 
One last thing I want to share is that, my whole life I’ve had people love me and want me, and I never wanted anyone. I never gave anyone that opportunity either. And now that I’ve grown and want to be in a committed loving relationship, it’s almost impossible to find. Don’t take people for granted, real love isn’t easy to find. If someone loves you, there isn’t anything better out there than that. Stop trying to replace love you already have, because one day, there will be no one there. And all you will have is regret and find yourself dwelling on that shit for the rest of your life. Like a loop, hit rewind and then play, again, hit rewind and then play, again. Rewind and play..... Yeah, like that. 


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