Surround me

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

The sound of our hearts, surrounds me; The weight of our memories, bound me... Every single time when you're around me, My innocent love for you, drowns me!

Submitted: August 19, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 19, 2018




‘Surround me’


Today is the morning of my life.

The morning for which I have craved since I grew up.

With the love of my life besides me, when I wake up every morning now, I cannot think about the darkness of the night or any possible terrible thing that can lessen my contentment and genuine happiness.

But that took time. That took ages and years which felt like decades and decades which felt like centuries.

That took half of my life.

He sleeps like there is nothing potent enough to wake him up, not even his responsibilities but sadly that was his life before our wedding.

Now he wakes up at once when I murmur his name in a scarcely audible sound right in his left ear. The aroma of my black filter coffee suffocates him and I almost hate to bring him milk instead of coffee every morning.

But this is us, different from one another, almost incompatible. We’re like a day and night. He’s the sun and I’m the moon, yet together in space.

Today, besides thanking God for giving me this life, I look back and think of everything that happened and everything that could have happened.

I look back from where it all began. I look back and remember those innocent years of my life when I fantasized a luxurious life with happiness and just happiness and I remember how my life was changed in the blink of an eye when I fell in love with Adrian.

It was all good just like it usually is when it begins but it reckoned with time. When we first met, the time flew fastest, just like the winds over the sea shores blow. The good times didn’t last longer than they should have but we were together, through all the highs and lows, we marched together.

Even when the times were hard and the circumstances were cruel, we combated the situations together and sometimes even without one another, absolutely on our own.

But the point is that we won.

It took half of our life and almost all of our courage and patience.

After being unofficially committed to each other, I decided to plan a life in which none of us would have to be away anymore. That was a strenuous task but I initiated conversations which lead to the decision of our marriage.

Adrian has always been careless about life but he couldn’t really understand when I demanded a need to convert our relationship into a permanent one. He couldn’t understand my wish to be officially tied to him because may be he thought our relationship was enough and everything we shared was enough, say it is love, care or anything more than that.

But that decision wasn’t mutual at first and that was onerous piece of work where all I had was me versus my decision.

You know sometimes it is really hard to love someone inexhaustibly and not be able to see them around for weeks and even months. But for us, it has always been like this. We rarely used to meet after high school ended and when I graduated, we used to go on really informal yet unceremonious dates because it is kind of awkward to date your best friend. Hah! And I mean it.

Laying on bed today, staring at the black ceiling filled with LEDs which dazzle like stars, I remember something from my past that brought a major twist in our story. A day that changed much between us.

Four years ago, when I was in Albany and he was staying in Rochester with his parents, in 2018’s exotic summers, neither of us had been to New York since our last shopping date at the Times Square in 2017. He was coming for some work purposes at Times square. He told me all of this over texts one night before he had to go and I decided to surprise him. Even though I travelled two hours straight to go there but I was gladly there before him. I had my breakfast at 10AM and then I decided to visit Mary who was staying in NYC with her husband. I told Mary about the plan and she was a bit confused about this date because I was taking her with me.

As I was informed, Adrian had to travel back home around 4PM and at 2PM, I called him.

He was so happy, maybe his work deal was successful or maybe my unexpected call surprised him but I couldn’t act natural, to be very honest. I asked him where exactly he was and then, since I couldn’t hold it back anymore, I burst out;

‘Adrian can we meet?’

‘We could have baby if I was in Albany, I wish I could see you right now.’

‘And if I say I’m just one or a two kilometres away?’ I excitedly told him.

For the next 30-40 seconds he did not utter a single word, and that silence got me.

‘I know where you are, just stay there and I’m coming in 15 minutes, and Oh God! I won’t forgive you for not planning it with me idiot.’ He was almost yelling.

He knew I’ve always loved coffee dates, and he knew exactly where I was but he didn’t know about Mary’s presence. When he came, I didn’t really look at him; maybe I wanted to greet him well and hug him tightly after seeing him finally, but that couldn’t happen so I stood, shook hand and he sat beside me, with Mary sitting right in front of us.

The three of us had a good time, Mary talked to him mostly and I looked here and there awkwardly and then suddenly something came up.

Mary asked excitedly,

‘So, I heard you guys are planning a March wedding. Enlighten me people.’

Adrian replied in a conventional way, and suddenly said;

‘Hah, March after some 4-5 years, SURE.’

I looked at him paying attention to his other-worldly expressions.

‘I think eight years of relationship is far more than enough to know and understand each other, if I’m not wrong about the years?’

I replied in a trice;

‘It’s been more than eight years now Mary, and well, I told you we are thinking about a marriage, not planning it.’ I smiled and gently absorbed the complexity of the situation and started talking about other things.

Mary left after she made sure we two are having a good time together and we were absolutely pleased to have her.

It was almost 3:30 and the afternoon was ravishing that day. Or it wasn’t actually, but for us.

We drove and wandered on the streets, talking and talking, informally, just like we always do. Then we planned to see a movie. When we reached Palace theatre, we held our hands when we walked through the hall way.

We had never seen a movie together before that day, and it was awesome. It was sensual how he touched my hand and how my head rested on his shoulder; like both of us have been waiting for this, like both of us have missed one another. He kissed my cheeks and played with my hair.

After the interval, we left.

He offered me to come with him to Rochester but obviously I couldn’t. He didn’t let me take the bus and as Albany came through his way to Rochester, so we went back together.

After the sunset, we drove straight towards Albany and didn’t really stop except for fuel or coffee.

Those two hours of travelling meant everything to me and to him too. We talked and it was way better and tranquil than talking over the phone.

When we almost reached my apartment, a silence bordered us and finally when he parked the car in the parking lot, I wasn’t ready to bid a goodbye after having such a great day with him.

And he maybe he wasn’t ready either.

‘Anna.’ He sounded graved.

‘Adrian.’ I stared at him lovingly.

‘I want us to be together, more than you want trust me. I want this wedding as soon as we can but the circumstances really are barbaric and I cannot think straight about most of the things right now. Everything seems disturbed, including my future and most specifically my future with you. I may not be able to list out all the problems right now but I just want you to know…’

I interrupted him and replied,

‘You just want me to know that you love me right? And I believe you, so don’t you ever think I doubt that Adrian.’

‘But you’re right, Mary is right. One day, at some point, we HAVE to talk about it. Not talking about a matter doesn’t ends it, it’s just what you say.’

‘Yea but I think I rush things sometimes and…’

‘Okay no more discussions just give me your hands.’

He held my right hand from his left one and from his pocket, he grabbed a bracelet and wrapped it around my left wrist.

All his gifts have always meant so much to me and this one, after a very long time was very special.

‘Adrian I love you, I love you so much that…’

He interrupted me, and suddenly moved closer and said;

‘Say no more.’

After those three words, it was the two of us who were literally very edgy at that moment. I was shivering by the gentle movements of his hands around my face and neck and he was silent whilst his lustrous hands touched me.

He held my face from his right hand and folded his left arm around my shoulders; moving closer, he tilted his head enough and kept coming closer until the tips of our noses collided and all of a sudden, our lips linked up with one another. The slow movements of our lips against each other and the screaming sounds of our heartbeats coordinated and made the moment more special.

While kissing me, he stopped and gazed straight into my eyes. My eyes were still closed when he gently whispered;

‘I love you more Anna.’

And then he continued kissing me.

When I left his car, all I could think was the memories I made that day with him and the stretches of the time I’ll have to bear again without him for I don’t know how many months. This thought saddened me.

And even today when I think about that night, and how my feet felt a burden beneath them while I made my way towards the lobby and from the elevator till my apartment, I feel sad.

But today I don’t wake up remembering anything terrible.

Because today is the morning of my life.

Today I just don’t wake up and feel burdened when I look back and remember the tour of my life with the love of my life. Everything is worth all the pain, misery, and tragedies today.

Today, I wake up and think.

I wake up and I think that our lives are designed exactly like how the Creator has made days and nights, and between a day and night, there are different phases.

Sometimes a life looks like a scintillating sunrise; when the sun grows brighter and larger with each minute passing and it dazzles the matte world with its light.

On the contrary, sometimes life does feels like a sunset; lustreless, monochromatic and usually frightening.

But then, there are different situations too. I have seen my worst and the most unfavourable times too. The sunsets kept reminding me of our lows; the lows of our lives and the downfalls of our existences, and maybe I had been so exposed to the misery once that I got used to the sunsets and barely fantasized about the sunrises.

But today my choices are otherwise. Today I love sunrises and the sparks of dazzling new mornings. Today I don’t fear dark, with Adrian on my side. Today I don’t face misery alone. Today is a good day to be alive and to be happy. Today is all what matters.

Today I’m alive.

© Copyright 2018 Anam Tariq. All rights reserved.

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