I LOVE ME NOW

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 21, 2018

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Submitted: August 21, 2018

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I’ve been shedding skin ever since I was a little girl
Losing my identity every now and then
By the age of ten I had been introduced to several instances of myself 
I felt like a figure without a face 
I changed shape but never my name
Though of course new names kept piling up as I grew 

Every time I thought I had figured myself out
A stranger would come and give me a push
A friend would be possessed by a fiend and hit me
My teacher would bash my head with a duster
And just like that I would lose myself over again

I had a lot of names attached to my skin
But I identified more with stranger, a name they never gave me 
Because even my birth name became too painful for me to taste
They say the sky goes pitch black before it explodes with deafening light 
But I waited more than a decade to see the light 

Is it me, was I too blind to see it shine brightly 
Why did the night stretch for that long?
More than ten years of night 
All I ever did was grope 
I was in the middle of nowhere 
Even lost hope of ever coming home to my soul

I’ve walked through a thick forest in search of myself 
Everyone too consumed I had to be my own search party
Night and day it was all the same 
There were times I would stare at a field of water
But not once did I see my reflection 
Was I a ghost, did I die?
Was I in hell, purgatory maybe?

The first time I saw myself was in words 
The first time I saw my face was in the word poetry 
Ever since then I’ve been digging deep 
I exploit words like in a quarry 
I scrawl like I’m in a hurry 
Poem upon poem I keep finding myself 

I love me now, words I never thought I would utter 
Listen to my heart flutter 
I’m going to keep digging deeper 
Until I’m face to face with my soul 
Until I’m consumed by words 
I will write until I become a poem


© Copyright 2018 Angela Bontle Ditumiso. All rights reserved.

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