The Doubt of Judas

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 21, 2018

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Submitted: August 21, 2018

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The Doubt of Judas

 

Time has passed since the day.

The day it all ended.

We had so much hope in a man who we thought was the one.

But isn’t that always the case?

Don’t we put our time into things we think will bring us joy?

Things like money, a good time, or a good feeling.

We lose ourselves in the fulfillment of material things.

Try as we might, there will always be the void

Waiting to be filled with satisfaction,

Satisfaction that lasts

Because the things we end up seeking are temporary.

When you invest in something, you expect it to last,

Nothing we’ve ever searched for lasted.

Why were we searching anyway?

Everything was false and foolish.

Until he called us.

Raged and poor.

He had no recollection of who we were, and yet he commanded us with power.

The wisdom he possessed was nothing that could have been learned through the priests,

Even though his age was small, he taught the priests.

There was something about this man.

We knew he came from Nazareth, but nothing good ever came from Nazareth.

Or so we thought.

There was a diamond in the rough of that torn place.

The way he held himself was that of a king, and he knew nothing of royalty for he was born into poverty.

The joy he possessed was also a mystery.

It is in poverty that you have joy.

It is not a lack of possession or grace,

but the ability to gain so much that is the cause for joy.

Richness meant nothing to this man.

He spoke of the richness of the kingdom, and the richness of the soul.

He spoke to my soul in a way that none has spoken before.

He was special.

He was what I have been searching for my whole life.

Nothing he said caused us to doubt him.

But I had a single doubt.

That it wouldn’t last.

My past hurts have wounded me so deeply, it is hard to trust.

Even the man who claimed to be the Son of God.

How could he be if he was poor and hated?

How could I follow a God who was so simple?

Where was his war?

Where was his power?

What authority does he have to govern us this way?

My soul is almost positive that this man is God,

But my heart is telling me to not fall too deeply into the love he has.

I have fallen hard once or twice before.

I won’t be taken advantage of again.

Despite the miraculous deeds he has done,

I need more of a sign.

He spoke of humility,

Why does that sound appealing?

All I have is my accomplishments and my dignity,

And they are to be displayed for glory.

But he is God.

Follow him I must because I need to be sure.

That spark of doubt I had caused me to make a decision I never thought I would make.

When you are approached by an authority the first thing you feel is fear.

Especially given my current circumstance

of following the most hated and praised person in all the land.

Approached and offered a great sum for a simple task.

I approached my conscience and it did not deny me.

Those men were intimidating and I found myself shaking in my sandals.

Weak I am.

I am a weak man.

I handed him over in exchange for something I thought would bring me happiness.

I was so stupid.

How could I have done this.

But it is too late.

I have done the deed, paid in advance, now all I have to do is the action.

The simplest action that will lead to the biggest consequence.

Lord save me from the injustice that I am.

I am the lowliest, unworthiest servant, and I have betrayed you with the sign of a friend.

Friend I am not.

Lord you are.

Jesus.

My Jesus.

What have I done?

I can never turn back from betraying my Saviour.

Ran I did.

Fled from that scene like a sheep from a fox.

When the Shephard will find me,

I will be gone.

Nothing left but my unworthy corps.

Forgive me Lord.

I am unworthy and evil.

I am weak and lowly.

You are everything I could have wanted and hoped for.

Why was I so wrong?

Forgive me lord.

Bless me lord for I have greatly sinned.

May you reign forever Lord.

Your worthiness is unfathomable.

Forgive me lord.

Praise be to Jesus Christ who was the true Son of God, and the greatest love of my life.


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