Totally Ponies!

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic


This chapter has a big reveal

Chapter 10 (v.1) - Truth IS Stranger Than Fiction

Submitted: October 17, 2018

Reads: 14

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Submitted: October 17, 2018

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Vlad and Rarity

“Listen, Rarity. I have no idea what made you think this, but I’m actually not a vampire” Vlad said. “I have a reflection, I always put garlic powder on my pizza, I love the sun, and Holy Water was in my bedroom when I was a kid. I’m not dead or un-dead, or the living dead, or whatever the hell these trick-ass bitches call vampires these days.” Rarity decided to believe him. Anybody who was THAT adamant about it couldn’t be lying. She was about to say she believed him, when Pinkie Pie (being Pinkie Pie) hung upside-down from a tree. “Hey Rarity, hey Vladimir.” The 2 both looked at her and Rarity asked “What are you doing?” “DUH!” Pinkie Pie replied. “I’m making sure you don’t bite anybody on the neck.” Vlad said “I think she means how in the world you are hanging upside down on a tree?” “I put nails into my feet to attach myself.” They both stared at her and she said “What? I boiled them in water before I nailed them in.” “Did you wait for them to cool first, before you took a hammer and went all Sparta on your feet?” “No, I immediately nailed them in. I’ve made some bad mistakes today.” Rarity told Pinkie Pie to leave or she would hack her ankles. Pinkie Pie grabbed the nails and pulled them out then left. “Heh, Romanians, you crazy” she said as she walked away. “Anyway, if you aren’t a vampire, then what in God’s holy name is going on?” “Well, my guess is that these Romanians are quite irrational about the whole vamp thing, so they’re letting fear beat judgment. My only guess is that the only strictly sinister thing about this place is Madame Verculo (wolf howls). “What should we do?” Rarity asked. Vlad was about to respond, when a man yelled “Vampires! 2 of them! No one is safe!” The 2 looked and saw a large crowd of people with swords, garlic, stakes, and torches. “This is the part where we run like hell!” Vlad exclaimed. The 2 booked it towards Madame V’s mansion. Vlad opened the door and shooed Rarity in, then slammed the door and ran into it. Rarity pulled him in by the arm.

2 hours later

A whole news report had started. A newsman was standing in front of the mansion and said “I’m here at the mansion of Madame Verculo (wolf howls) where 2 vampires have refused to come out the closet. No, I don’t mean they’re gay.” Another man said “If they were, they would be killed as part of the “don’t ask, don’t translate” policy. The Romanian military would make quick work of that axis of fabulousness.” The newscaster said “I’m now here with Martin Mystery who says he will get those 2 out of the closet. Mr. Mystery, what is your plan?” Martin said “I was asked to come and get those vamps out of the closet, but the police are holding me back. I got really mad and demanded to be let in, but was discarded again. I got really annoyed, so I PULL OUT MY GUN!” the onlookers screamed and ran when he did that. He then grabbed Fluttershy and said “If those 2 vamps don’t come out the closet, I’m gonna cap this bitch!” “Why am I suddenly the gamble?!” Fluttershy screamed. Martin let her go and ran upstairs to the room where Vlad and rarity were hiding. “I’ve been asked to come up here for you 2 to get out of the closet.” The 2 said in reply “We’re not coming out of the closet, so you can just go away.” “But, they want you out of the closet.” “Doesn’t matter, we’re here to stay.” Martin had enough and said “You’ve made me real angry . . . SO I PULL OUT MY GUN!” Everyone inside the mansion screamed and ran while Madame Verculo said “Oh God, not the gun again.” Martin aimed the gun at the door and said “I’ve got 7 silver bullets to take you out and I’m giving you to the count of 3 to come out, 1, I’ll shoot you both, 2 I’ll cap some bitch, 3!” After he got to 3, the closet door opened and he cautiously walked inside and the door shut again. “Now I’m in the closet as well. Ah, fuck.”

4 hours later

“It is now 2 AM, and we still have no word on whether or not either of the vampires or Martin Mystery will come out of the closet, again in a non-gay manner of speaking.” Madame Verculo was watching the news and admitted the whole assembly was eccentric, yet oddly comical. She continued to drink her coffee while Twilight kept rubbing her prosthetic ear, and Fluttershy continued to knit. Pinkie Pie was in an examining room getting tetanus shots for the whole nail in her feet thing. Rarity, Vladimir, and Martin were playing UNO in the closet. No one wanted to run the risk of creating a bigger problem. Fluttershy and Twilight were actually finding it funny as well. “Check. I take you knight.” The 2 main anchors for the news were now playing chess to stave off dullness. “Dammit. I hate chess!” “It was either this or Monopoly, be appreciative for what you can get.” “Humph, whiner.” “Okay fine man, do what you want.” The newscaster got up, took out a stake and said “I’m going in.” he ran through the crowd and ran through the front door and into the closet and said “You will die now, denizens of the underworld.” Rarity quickly ran out of the closet and down the stairs with Vladimir, Martin, and the newsman in pursuit. After the 4 ran past Fluttershy 8 times, she picked up a lamp and waited for the newsman to pas her. She swung hard and got him right on the temple, which knocked him out. “You went mad to save me” Rarity said. Fluttershy shook her head and said “No I didn’t. I just always wanted to hit someone with a household commodity.”

4 hours later

“Where are the monsters?!” a woman said as she burst in. twilight was reading a book, rarity was drinking a glass of milk, Fluttershy was just finishing her knitting and Pinkie Pie was playing Chinese Checkers with Martin. “What monsters are you talking about?” Madame Verculo asked. “Never mind” the woman said

A/N: Boy howdy, that was strange.


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