Abandoned House

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 27, 2018

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Submitted: August 27, 2018

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I’ve been living in this abandoned house for so long

The floorboards creaking

Sounds like music to my ears

Holes in the stairs so I have to watch carefully where I step

Pipes rusting from years of neglect

Wallpaper peeling 

Peeling back the layers of darkness I’ve been living in

Paint chipping

Chipping away at my resolve to stay there 

In my abandoned house 

The place from which I have lived my life 

The one I’ve grown to love 

 

If you look closely the spider webs tell a story 

Every web spun holds a memory 

Every experience I’ve had, good or bad, fills up each nook and cranny 

Every emotion I’ve felt seeps into the cracks in the walls 

It feels toxic but this is my home 

The only one I’ve known 

I think it is my childhood home

Somewhere I can’t leave

I think I am stuck in the past 

But as the wallpaper peels and the paint chips

I begin to see

This abandoned house is me 

Something I’ve carried with me all these years 

Something I’ve never been able to let go of

 

It started out as a home from my past 

That home was structurally sound

Not abandoned at all

But the life inside was fractured 

The people inside were fading away 

There was neglect 

Anger so old it began to rust

Holes in the love given 

Hearts and emotions buried underneath the dust 

A home you would want to forget about 

And I did 

I removed it far from my memory 

But in doing so I became the memory

I became that house 

I abandoned myself 

I stopped tending to and caring for me

I got used to the cobwebs and the debris 

I lived among the mess 

The chaos became my identity 

But with the wallpaper peeling and the paint chipping

I saw what was hidden beneath 

I saw the secrets and lies 

I saw the silence that had covered them up 

I saw reality had been painted over 

Patterns on the walls changed to more acceptable ones 

 

Then there was no going back 

I couldn’t unsee what I saw 

And it opened my eyes 

Wider than ever before 

I saw that I had accepted this abandoned house as my only reality 

I saw that I had given up on myself a long time ago 

Just accepted and became content with the status quo 

But with my perspective changed it wasn’t long before I wanted more 

A clean, sturdy house free of cobwebs 

Stairs that I could walk on freely 

Fresh paint, steady floors, new pipes

A house that WORKS

And that house is inside of me

Where the repairs are taking place 

The old mindset has to go 

I don’t live there anymore 

For years I’ve been carrying around the old, broken home 

But today 

TODAY is day one of something new 

Today I start building toward a future 

A future that is not bound by the past 

Today I stop leaving myself behind 

I stop getting in my way 

I stop settling for old, familiar, painful 

I stop settling for less 

 

The old, abandoned house crumbles around me 

As I stand in the ruins I see how they can be formed into something else 

Something better

Something I never had 

Something I don’t know exactly, in this moment 

But I know that it is there

Waiting for me to step out

No longer confined 

Free to be me

The me I was meant to be all along


© Copyright 2018 Nessa Lynn. All rights reserved.

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