Electric Hope

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 30, 2018

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Submitted: August 30, 2018

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This poem is about the ten treatments of electroconvulsive therapy I went through one summer for a depressive episode I was experiencing that would not go away.

 

Electric Hope

 

My sister drops me off at Sacred Heart,

And with a fifteen minute head start of my appointment,

I look for the ointment of the waiting room.

There, I fume an anxiety-provoking thought,

As I call my spot to the nurse on shift.

Upon arrival, she gets my drift of fear

And tries giving me a cheer of relief,

But this only adds to the grief I bear.

So I must dare to be calm as I come with her,

Knowing the blur that is to come,

Like the beat of a drum, moments will weave,

And memories will leave from my mind’s edge

As I teeter from that ledge into a dark abyss.

Anesthesia leaves me in the bliss of sleep

Where I briefly hear the beep of my own pulse.

While peering around me, I see adults with masks,

Then blackness, as they begin their tasks to help:

Like kelp, they wrap my ankle in blood pressure cuff,

And tell me to huff the oxygen they give my nose.

I can feel my clothes become light

Until they sail off like a kite in the wind.

This is also when a bite guard is pinned to my mouth

And when things seem to go south for me

Because electrodes are attached near one fleshy tree to another,

As if to smother everything about who I am,

But instead, I’m filled to the gram with electric hope.


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