existing in the ego-game

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

i wrote this in response to my own life, and how I perceive it. this is my perspective on the objective-subjective world that we are physically bound to by means of the conceptual forces known as
time and space--all of which we have to navigate through. this is how I interpret what is, and how I cope with existing.

Submitted: September 01, 2018

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Submitted: September 01, 2018



Some times I feel 
my presence is healthy.
This, when I’m playing 
the ego-game well. 
I’m able to be positive 
and make others happy.
In turn, I get to 
feel good about my self. 
Most times I feel 
my presence is ugly.
I’m tired of the ego-game;
of being alive.
When I look in the mirror 
I don’t like what I see,
almost always falling 
by complete surprise:
I have a body and a face
that inter-acts through TimexSpace.
I’m a human with emotions
of which I wish I understood.
I have to walk and talk all day
pretending that I’m okay,
because trying to explain my self 
simply does no good.
The only time I can 
recognize happiness
is when I forget 
about my own manifestation. 
When I am sitting and alone,
without a mirror in my home,
and deep into a session of 
Universe-self contemplation.
But then I’m rudely reminded
that my body needs food,
if I want my view 
to survive it.
Reality is changing 
based on a mixture 
of action and diet.
But non-action, 
is what I prefer. 
As this makes reality real:
no influence had,
no interpretation needed;
just simple existence,
no dual emotions to feel.
Contradictory to this state of being 
(or is it non-being?),
I want to share this 
existence with an other.
If I can share my Love I will, 
which is Lovely until
I confuse agape and pragma, 
with eros and ludus lovers. 
And so I retreat 
to sit back in my seat,
close my eyes and breath
until every thing is fine… 
But I always fall off track 
any time I look back 
at my reflection in the mirror
or down at this body of mine.

So what’s a person supposed to do
when stuck in a pit strong with depression?
No matter the angle I look at it
I have trouble pulling the lesson.
“Take care of your self.”
is the regular advice,
“Eat healthy foods, 
meditate and exercise.”
I do all 
of these things
and more every morning, 
and every single night. 
But it’s only 
for the dopamine,
to help me start a single day
without thoughts of suicide.
Although this is all just 
an other silly game
that I have grown
quite tired of playing,
cyclic existence
is going to persist
if I just exit the game...
so, I should be staying. 
And though it may seem 
I am on my own,
I am sure there are 
people out there like me;
people who understand, 
whom I can call home.
I believe that I’ve 
already met many.
Life-death comes,
death-life goes.
All of it is but a clear veiled show,
everyday experience is a filter of self,
When “I” push,
The “U” pulls,
in the moment of Our soul--
to understand this is of infinite wealth.
So whether you sit and meditate,
or kneel down and pray,
or whether you use psychedelics
in your diet, or you fast...
I must give you utmost respect, 
as I very much to expect
seeing you tomorrow, today, yesterday;
in the future, present and past. 
comes to those who seek little
and Love lots.

If the coin sits sideways
_step onit.

© Copyright 2018 JayGee. All rights reserved.

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