Someone Get Me The F*ck Off This Ride

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: September 06, 2018

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Submitted: September 06, 2018

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The “What-Ifs” and “Wish I Did’s” and “How could I?!” are powerful.

They tether you to a moment in time

under the guise of hope

but really

the unanswered questions are demons sent from some circle of hell

to torture you.

To pick at your brain

until your sanity has been stripped away

and all that is left are scenarios

That

Never

Happened.

 

You lay in your bed,

stand in your shower,

sit in your car

replaying memories on a loop.

Imagining all the things you could have done differently,

said differently,

not done,

did more of.

 

A carousel of torment

and anguish

and though you are the operator,

that demon on your shoulder will not let you

stop

the ride until you make yourself sick

from the endless spinning.

So sick you beg it to let you numb yourself

in some way.

 

“Pick your poison,” it whispers as it hands you your only option.

 

Maybe tonight it’s booze.

So you drink until the thoughts dissolve

into incoherent, fragmented images whose reality you question.

Maybe tomorrow it’ll be sex.

So you meet a stranger on tinder

and hook up in the bathroom of a random restaurant

just to feel the misplaced lust

of another human soul

riding their own carousel of “what if’s” to their graves.

 

But the poison works for a while.

The seemingly endless spinning stops.

 

You take the opportunity to breathe in the still air

before it thrusts another memory in front of you

and like the masochist you are,

you pull the lever

to start the ride all over again.


© Copyright 2018 Mady-Muy. All rights reserved.

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