Deliverance

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


dealing with self mutilation

Submitted: September 07, 2018

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Submitted: September 07, 2018

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Deliverance
Today is another day for something I do daily,
just another day for the fake Haley.
I walk out the door and hitch my smile
because no one needs to know the pain inside.
I go to school and all is well, 
then I see him and I’m back in hell.
Scenes of “us” flash before my eyes,
oh, how dark are my skies.
I won’t let any one see the condition in which you left me.
Just help me make it home,” is my plea.
 
As I get out of class and make it to my car,
tears blind my sight as I remember my scars.
I get out the razor and cut away.
God, please help me!” I pray.
It doesn’t seem He is listening.
Doesn’t anyone care?
Why isn’t anyone here to wipe away my tears?
Being this alone was always my worst fear.
Why do I deserve this punishment?
I gave my all. I loved selflessly.
Why is all this pain and grief necessary?
 
The blood drips on the floor.
I won’t stop till it’s a constant pour.
It’s the only way to stop the pain
of his memory that’s driving me insane.
Is this the only way to forget?
Why is your memory my constant debt?
My arm looks like my heart:
bleeding and torn apart.
The only thing you can recognize is his name which has been traced.
No matter how much I cut, his name won’t erase.
I can’t do this anymore. Life is not worth this suffering.
 
As I pick up the blade one last time, I hear this heavenly voice.
He says to me, 
This suffering is not mine but your own choice.
All you had to do was come and lay your burdens at my feet,
then you wouldn’t have to deal with this defeat.
I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end.
I know what is happening you cannot comprehend.
Do not take your own life
simply because of your pain and strife.
I have paid your debt.
Now it is time for you to forget.
I have a plan for you my child.”
 
I listened with awe and beguile.
I could feel His loving arms around me.
For once, my heart was free.
 
Leave all your burdens at my feet.
Before this moment, you were incomplete.
You are broken no more.
I took the pain you bore.
No matter what happens in your life, I will carry your through.
Now go, my child, tell others who I am and what I can do
so they can experience my love and compassion too.”


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