Suicidal

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic


The story of a young girl who ends her own life. Although this is a very confronting thought, it is many people's reality, and needs to be addressed.

Submitted: September 09, 2018

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Submitted: September 09, 2018

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Amanda sat on her bed looking blankly at the ground. Her face was dry now from the salty tears, and her sleeves were soggy from wiping her eyes. She didn’t feel anything anymore, just numb and tired, she just wanted everything to stop. She looked up from the floor and her eyes wandered to the bottle of pills staring her down from the dresser. 7:00pm she thought glancing over to the clock. If I do it now, it can be over by the morning. Standing up slowly, she could feel herself getting light headed. It had been almost a week since she had last eaten, and she was starting to see spots of light in front of her eyes. Holding onto the wall, she staggered over to the bottle, picked it up and began to unscrew the cap. Suddenly she heard the sound of the front door swinging open and shut, then the sound of her mother’s voice.

“Amanda! Dinner!” she called up the hallway.

Amanda considered telling her mother she had homework to do, so she would eat in her bedroom, just like every other night, What harm is it going to do now if I eat? she thought, I won’t be here tomorrow anyway. She set the pills down on her dresser again, took a big gulp of water from her glass, and stumbled towards the doorway. Dinner was quiet, as usual, and her parents were both surprised that she was eating with them for once. They asked if she had homework to get done. She lied, and said she would finish it after dinner, they seemed content.

After she ate, walking slowly back up the hallway she could feel that she was heavier from all the food. But for once, she didn’t care, because it wouldn’t matter tomorrow, she wouldn’t have to worry then. She closed her bedroom door behind her and could feel the presence of the bottle of pills, still sitting open on her dresser as she took a deep breath. From her bookshelf the took a slip of paper, on it was written;

Dear everyone,

I’m sorry I’ve never been good enough for you

But it’s okay, you don’t have to pretend you care anymore

 And I want you all to know

If you haven’t noticed the scars on my wrists,

Or the way I always hide away in my room

Or the countless nights I have spent crying

Then don’t you dare stand at my grave and cry

How can you cry for someone you didn’t even know?

Goodbye.

The paper had been hidden between two books for so long the indents from one of the books was starting to show. Just shows how long Amanda had been considering this moment. She placed it gently down on her bedside cabinet, sat down on her bed, and picked up her phone. First she opened her text messages with her best friend, Madison , I’m sorry she typed. After pressing send, she turned her phone off abruptly and reached for her exit, the pills. One, two, three… she counted them as she poured them into her hand …Eight, nine… the number in her hand grew as the bottle became more empty …twelve… she brought her hand up to her mouth and swallowed the pills, three at a time. Once she had finished, she took a gulp of water, and began counting again, one, two, three, four… she kept going until the bottle was finally empty, seventy pills. That should do it. She could already feel her head start to spin, so she lay on her bed, put her headphones in and played her favorite ASMR. She was asleep in ten minutes, and she knew as she closed her eyes for the last time, that tomorrow morning, whatever the world threw, she wouldn’t be there to witness it. It shouldn’t have made her content, but it did. And she was happy.


© Copyright 2018 Alicia Hancock. All rights reserved.

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