I’m Tired

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: September 18, 2018

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Submitted: September 18, 2018

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I’m tired, why can't I go to sleep?

A fire

Burns and crackles underneath my unprotected feet

It’s hot

I run from the pain,

though I cannot get away

Voices call to me

Taunting me

What can I say?

Why can't I get away and run from this unbearable pain?

To keep my frail heart from breaking

To live another day

To learn how to play

To love someone until my very last day

Why am I shaking?

Why is it dark?

Why does living my life suddenly feel so very hard?

I try to look up

I try to think

I’m not fast enough

My heart breaks and lays shattered at my feet

The pieces

I try to pick them up, but it had gotten so cold

It wasn't warm enough

I try to stand up

My knees shake,

then buckle

Why can't I be strong enough?

 

I shouldn’t have held onto this

and tried dealing with it alone

I should’ve let it go

I should’ve thrown it in a river like a stone

A stone

Black and dark

Had now taken the place of my unconditional heart

Had shattered me to pieces, breaking down my guard

Had ruined my life and left a noticeable mark

A scar

Which I’ll live with for the rest of my life

Always lingering in my thoughts

And at the edges of my mind

Like the names they called me

I’d keep them my whole life

 

Such lonely nights

I kept away

Holed up in the cave where I belonged

Because of the girls that hurt me

Because of how much I cried

It left scars too deep to have a normal life

It ruined my night; my knight in shining armor

Who had put up his best fight

Who’d tried his hardest to make things right

Had tried to keep the names from going inside my head

Had tried to keep the tears from falling

Which now pooled instead, before me

 

Their words were the fire

Kept under my feet

That kept burning me till I stopped

Until I fell to my knees

And cried

Until I couldn't get up and fight

Because I was too scared to try

I felt so alone

But I couldn’t let the bruises show

I have to pretend I'm okay

I have to say I'm alright

I have to prove I’m not bothered

I have to show them I'm fine

But I can't say these lies

And the truth will only make me cry

So I stopped

I faked

So I wouldn't re-live the pain

So I could pretend not to care about what they say

Or the bruises they gave

So I wouldn't hurt

For my sake

These lies were my cane

Though it didn't matter

They’d find another way

More hitting, more shoving

Until I stop and break

Not caring to mend because of the time it would take

The precious time it would waste

So I went on

Avoiding their looks and glares

As if they couldn't see right through me

To the rips, tears

Cracks and attempted repairs

Passed the wall of crumbling stone

That had once kept me safe

Once kept me alone

For so long it had kept them at bay

From seeing what they had done

And what they caused from calling me names

And how it hurt in every way

 

It all ended one day

And I’ve never felt the same

Without pain

Without rain

Without cold, heartless words to drive me insane

Just a place for me to lay

Without the guard of a knight

Or the need of a cane

Where the war finally stopped

And the dragons had been slain

Because of a girl, who’d heard them call me names

Who had put out their fire that caused me such pain

Who had vowed to stand up for me

While my knight lays

Had told me that she would be my cane

She’d heal my wounds and scars that remained

If I promised

everyday

To be her friend

And do the same


© Copyright 2018 Khristina. All rights reserved.

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