It's Getting Dark

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: September 19, 2018

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Submitted: September 19, 2018

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I hate that I am so emotional

Everything just always seems so bittersweet

I am reaching for something that won’t reach back for me

Reaching for love but it won’t reach back

Now I am in distress do you see the smoke and fire

S.O.S

I feel like I am about to write the longest poem of my life tonight like paradise lost, these feelings are endless

When will it be my time to let my heart rest

I don’t want to be this way for the rest of my life

I am ready to feel love and love again and not think twice about it

I hate that I fucked it up a month ago, when I felt and found it

I thought by now I would have a wife or at least a steady companion too start building our lives

Not just a home and at the end of my long ass days go home alone

And it is nothing but radio silence coming from my phone

I am thirty years old and honestly my heart can’t handle spending the next thirty alone

I can’t stand it

I just can’t fucking stand being alone

Pardon my french but this is my poem, my time and my night to vent

My heart is emptying it’s self out and it’s getting dark even though I want my sunny disposition to stay…

Time just won’t wait

 

Everything I thought I knew, I am seeing that I never knew it at all

Where have i’ve been the last ten years of my life because I can not see the growth anymore

No, I don't see it at all and these days…

I am feeling small in the world like a child trying to re-teach myself new ways

Restarting in this sandbox, hoping you’ll come out and play

Looking for my mother and father to guide me and show the the adult ways

But they can only guide me so much because now I am thirty and i can’t lie this new chapter scares me

I don’t want to be alone but I am afraid I am going to have to go into that good night and face this life, world and this darkness on my own

My mom’s advice is to grow up little girl you have always been strong and my father says set my mind on it and give it my all

This isn’t the first time I’ve been rejected, I have been rejected by my family, jobs and friends...

But I am losing spirit and I don’t know if I have it in me to fight my way back from the ashes once again

I have been fighting all my life for love

I am just wondering when does it ever end and my zin begin

I am a Leo and I live by the mantra that there is no life without love

You can heal my heart sometimes with just one hug

I have been rejected in several different ways all of my life but this time...

I am ready to throw the flag up and give up this fight I am tired and have been fighting all my life

 

The rejection this time hurt me in a way I didn’t think I could feel

After you’ve been rejected so many different ways pain rolls off like waves hitting the break wall

This too shall pass is what i love to say but this pain keeps lingering trying to stay

It’s hitting me like this because i didn’t think it was possible for me to still feel this way

I just wish I never met the girl and finally got the balls to step to her

I wish I never accepted her flaws and all, it’s not my pride or dignity I feel

All I can think about is how it’s just not fair

I finally made plans and in my world that is like a taboo

I lie to myself because I am so mad at myself

The rejection this time hurt me in a way I did not know i could still feel and it’s hitting me like this because facing facts…

I am in love with that girl

And I don’t want you, you or you, just Naomi and everything she’s been putting me through

And this is not a love poem to her because now I wish my heart never had the pleasure and knew her

So no, this is not a love poem dedicated to her because here i am now steadily reaching because of what I tasted…

I tasted love and now i can’t get it out of my mind

That is why pride and hastiness goeth before the destruction and fall

I wanted to have it and I wanted it all

I made plans too risk my independence and make this house our home

This poem was written with tears

I almost want to go back to popping pills

I need something to help me fall asleep because when my head hits the pillows all I do is weep

I’m at my threshold and tears wrote this poem all on my way home And it only took twenty-six minutes to bare it all

 

These days be it good or bad...

I hate how I am so emotional and i am not egotistical just raw

I hate how I am so emotional

And I don’t know it could be p.m.s.

But every word I write I feel it in my chest

I am in distress

S.O.S.

Sherry doesn’t understand that when my feelings our hurt it comes out in anger

Sadness appears in the form of rage

And I am sorry

I just turned thirty I do not know yet how to control my fire when I am at a steady blaze

So ferocious water can’t even tranquil me down

 

Luther Vandross said it best “ if this world were mine I’d give you the flower’s, birds and the bee’s" but I can only do that with someone that loves me

In a way I need to get it out

Emotions get out of me

This poem was written with tears I lift my hands to thee

It's getting dark, save me

I feel like while feel I can’t be free because i am constantly wanting something that wants nothing to do with me

It’s getting dark

The darkness is coming

It is time to stop writing


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