Chapter 1: (v.3) Unsliced Bread

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Science Fiction

Reads: 244
Comments: 3


Why on earth would anyone believe in them? I find it incredible that people are stupid enough to think that there are little green creatures living on distant planets. That is single-handedly the dumbest thing since unsliced bread.

"Unsliced bread?" You might ask. Imagine a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Nothing special, just your average PB&J. Now picture the two slices of bread as two whole loaves of bread. Now try to fit that ugly behemoth in your mouth. It's impossible unless you unhinge your jaw like a snake, which is impossible for humans to do due to the fact that WE ARE NOT SNAKES. Even if you could fit that in your mouth, all you would taste is bread! You'd have to put both jars of peanut butter and jelly on the sandwich to be able to taste anything!

Now do you understand why unsliced bread is dumb, and why aliens are as dumb if not dumber than it? I have another ten-minute-long speech prepared if you don't.

Understand? Good.

I have quite an interesting story. It's honestly ironic that me, being a firm alien unbeliever, was abducted by aliens.

No joke.

The following journal is my story. It's got aliens, explosions, gunfights, more explosions, spaceships, and even more explosions. Hope you enjoy, 'cause I sure didn't.

My story starts with me sleeping on the couch at my best friend's apartment, drooling on my Stanford University hoodie, and unknowingly spilling popcorn all over the nice carpet. Not a pretty picture, right? I was forced into an alien movie marathon, so you can understand why I was sleeping, but I'm embarrassed to admit that, yes, I drool in my sleep.

I jerked awake when I heard the most unholy noise ever to reach human ears. It was a blood-curdling shriek mixed with someone gargling water. I covered my ears and screamed to drown out the sound. I looked to Zach, the aforementioned best friend, for help, but noticed that he was the one creating the wretched racket. Worse than the noise was Zach's appearance. His usually clean, acne free face was covered in blue scales, and pink tentacles had burst from his mouth. He had grown an extra pair of arms and legs, also covered in blue scales. His smooth black hair was replaced by enormous spikes, and his green eyes were now red and the size of tennis balls.

I scrambled for the back door in an attempt to escape this demon that had taken the place of my friend but was stopped by slimy tentacles wrapping around my waist. The tentacles slammed me to the floor on my face, and I instantly tasted blood. I screamed for help but was silenced by another tentacle covering my mouth. I strained my neck to see that the tentacles were coming from Zach's mouth, which was unhinged to reveal hundreds of razor-sharp teeth whirring like drills. Another tentacle burst from his mouth and wrapped around my neck, choking me. My vision started fading. The last thing I saw was a pair of green eyes in the back of Zach's throat.

I felt a searing pain on my cheek and my vision returned to normal. The pair of eyes were now connected to a face. Zach's face. Zach's normal face.

"Tanner!" He was yelling. "Wake up!"

What was he talking about? He just ate me! I felt a searing pain and I was brought back to reality.

"Ouch!" I screamed. I pushed away from Zach, who was gripping me by my shoulders and slapping me. "What was that for?"

Zach laughed. "You were screaming about aliens in your sleep!"

"Are you kidding me?" I moaned.

Zach was crying of laughter. "You had an alien nightmare? That's the best thing ever!"

I groaned and flopped on the couch. I glanced at the clock next to the TV. It was two in the morning! "How long was I out?" I asked Zach.

"A couple hours," Zach answered. "But you didn't start screaming until just now. What happened?"

"In my dream? There's no way I'm telling you, I'll never hear the end of it."

Zach made a pouty face that only my sister-and apparently him-could pull off.

Luckily, I was used to resisting it. "No," I said firmly.

"Oh come on!" Zach whined, "I won't tell anyone!"

I sighed, "Fine, you turned into a blue alien and slurped me up with weird pink tentacles coming from your mouth."

Zach snorted as he tried to hold back a laugh.

I gave him my best death glare, and he stopped.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked, trying to get off topic.

"I've got some nachos," Zach said, "We could warm em' up and have a Madden competition."

"Fantastic, anything but alien movies."

Zach gave me a sly smile, "Why? Will they give you nightmares?"

I slapped him. Hard.

Zach held his hand to his face. "I deserved that."

"You think?" I said as I opened his fridge and pulled out a Tupperware of nachos. I threw them in the microwave for thirty seconds. Thirty agonizing seconds.

Zach started up his Xbox and put the game disc in.

The next couple of hours was nothing but me ruthlessly destroying Zach. I couldn't count the number of touchdowns I scored against him. The final score was 43 to 7. He scored one touch down and a field goal, both of which he celebrated like he won the super bowl.

Eventually, he gave up and we watched random youtube videos until sunlight broke through the windows.

I stood up from the couch, nearly collapsing from my legs falling asleep. "I gotta go, my mom will kill me If I'm not home by breakfast time."

We high fived and I left to go home.

The walk took about twenty minutes since Zach lived in an apartment a little ways away from my house, which I liked. We lived in a normal neighborhood in Houston, Texas.

If you can count a million space geeks as normal.

I lived fairly close to the NASA headquarters, which was good and bad. Bad because all anyone talked about at school was space and other science crap, good because my girlfriend, Halley, worked there. Halley was a supergenius. She graduated from high school at fourteen, went into space study in college, and graduated a couple years later. She started working for NASA by the time she was sixteen. Don't ask how I ended up with her, because it's beyond my knowledge.

I, on the other hand, was your average student. I wasn't straight A's, but I never failed a class. I joined the cross country team as a freshman and had been the team captain ever since. I wasn't really popular, but I wasn't an outcast either.

I would say there's nothing really special about my family. My mom works as a manager at Walmart, and my dad is a real estate agent. I also have a younger sister, Alyn, who is one of the most annoying creatures on the planet. I haven't gone a single day without my sister crying about something. I found her in my room throwing my cross country trophies everywhere. She had broken several of them, which ticked me off. I yelled at her to get out of my room and she cried to Mom because I wouldn't let her play with my toys. I won't say I hate her, because she's my sister, and that's mean. She can be adorable at times, but the annoying times outnumber any other time ten to one.

My high school is a little on the old side. It has that weird smell that you usually smell in museums, and it is in desperate need of a makeover. The teachers are kind of the worst, but all my friends are there to keep me sane.

All this was my life until recently. My seemingly normal and perfect life was turned upside down, and then brutally destroyed. Everything I knew and loved was ripped to shreds and burned in front of my face. Sounds fun right?

Let's fast forward a couple days after the movie marathon. School's just been let out, and I've driven to Alyn's elementary school.

I sat in the carpool lane in the school parking lot, slowly crawling forward. The mass of children running around in front of the school could be heard through the car. I jumped as a football hit the passenger window. I glared at the kid who had thrown it, who was laughing hysterically and high fiving his posse. I'd been here enough to times to learn to avoid speaking to him. I don't know where he learned the obscene words that erupted from his mouth.

I scanned through the mob of kids for my sister and saw her skipping out the front doors of the school, arms linked with a friend of hers.

I rolled down the window and called to her. "Ally!"

Alyn hugged her friend and skipped over to the car. She threw open the door and squealed. "Guess what? Guess what? GUESS WHAT?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "What is it?"

Alyn closed the door. "Jordan is having a birthday party at the movies, and she invited me!"

I pulled out of the carpool lane and out of the parking lot. "That's awesome! When is it?"

"Friday," she said. "I'm ecstatic! I learned that word in school today by the way."

I laughed again. She genuinely was adorable at times.

I dropped her off at home and drove to work. I worked at a Panda Express down the street from Zach's apartment. Zach was lucky enough to also get a job there, which made my life quite a bit better. I could go on for hours with stories about bad customers, and the strange things Zach and I did when no one was there, but you're probably eager to get to the aliens. Who wouldn't be?

After work, as I drove home, I got a phone call from Halley.

"What's up?" I asked her.

"Are you at your house?" She asked. She sounded . . . strange. Something was definitely up.

"Almost," I said. "What's going on?"

"That's just it, Tanner, I don't know. We saw something."

I frowned, confused. "What do you mean, saw something?"

"Something in space. It's nothing like we've ever seen before. It looks like a spaceship!"

I sighed. "Please don't tell me you think it's... "

"Aliens. We think it's aliens," Halley interrupted. "I know you're super against aliens, I was too, but the evidence is right there. There is a spaceship heading towards earth."

I pulled into our driveway. "Halley, you could've seen an odd shaped asteroid, or a comet, or something other than an alien spaceship. Aliens don't exist!"

"Tanner, listen to me. Once you get home, turn on the TV and watch the news."

I walked inside, still on the phone. I was surprised to see my entire family sitting on the couch, watching the TV in silence.

Great. Now my family is giving into this scam too. I thought.

I sat on the couch next to them at looked at the TV.

"Halley, I..." I stopped, stunned at what I was seeing.

"Do you see it?"

I nodded but realized she couldn't actually see me. "I see it."

Right in front of me was a spaceship. No doubt. what solidified it in me was what was written on the side.

S.T.S. Euphoria. 

Submitted: September 25, 2018

© Copyright 2021 Ethan Crandall. All rights reserved.


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Add Your Comments:


Ethan Crandall

This is great! Love your name btw!

Sun, October 7th, 2018 5:42pm

Adham D.G

I'm going on to the next chapter, but it is a huge pet peeve of mine when the MC speaks to the reader. It comes off as weak and bland and makes you look unprofessional.

Wed, April 24th, 2019 10:22pm

Adham D.G

I'm going on to the next chapter, but it is a huge pet peeve of mine when the MC speaks to the reader. It comes off as weak and bland and makes you look unprofessional.

Wed, April 24th, 2019 10:22pm


Thanks for the input, but the MC is a comical sixteen year old guy writing a journal. Of course he is going to sound unprofessional. Also, that is your opinion.
I'd also like to point out, once again, that you spelled "experienced" wrong on your profile. That seems unprofessional as well.
I like the input, but I really don't like you dissing every other sentence, saying things like "reader doesn't care" or "weak" If I wanted an editor, I would have got one, but this is a rough draft I am using to get feedback on, not full-on editing.
Thanks for your time,
Ethan Crandall

Thu, April 25th, 2019 9:26am

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