Only People Lie

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: September 25, 2018

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Submitted: September 25, 2018

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The sun sets over the lake and my mother's garden is lit with gold and orange and red. It's beautiful, and I'm not. I want to go lie in the sunshine, lie like the person I am, because only people lie. I can't lay down to sleep, like a simple teddy bear. I must lie.

I'm too cold for the golden sunshine on the lawn. I have winter inside me still. The world seems to have skipped spring this year, and I have yet to thaw. The breeze is cold, and it feels like maybe it could take me home.

Home was a little yellow house in a shady neighbourhood, full of people and parties and friendship, and you used to come visit me there. Home has been other places, too. Other people, even. I think home was here, once. Back when I was little and everything hurt and no one knew why and they weren't sick of my whining yet.

Now I'm big and everything hurts and sometimes I don't even know why but mostly I think it's all the lying people do. They lie, you lie. We all lie. It's what people do.

Some days I wish I could travel back to a time before I made so many mistakes, before I knew their truth and your truth and discovered that even my truth would sometimes falter.

It's funny, but I only really lie to you. And sometimes to me. It's easier that way. You can go on believing I'm your saving grace and I'll go on trusting that that's all I am. I'm not sure how this got so twisted, but it sort of feels like I've been riding a merry-go-round too long, like the world will spin differently when I get off, and it will take a long while to settle down again.

Life with you is like a familiar thing turned on its head. It's like everything that once was straightforward is walking backwards, trying to catch me, and I'm running in circles because of the damn merry-go-round you made me try.

I once anticipated your lies, but now I don't even know which direction to look. It's like Darth Vader saying "Luke, I am your second uncle twice removed" instead. You were expecting a twist, but there's no way you saw that one coming.

The sun has gone down now, dipped behind the mountains, and a part of me is glad. Darkness is easier to take. That golden light was making the world too pretty, and if I've learned anything these last few months, it's never trust the pretty ones. You're fucking beautiful to watch, even if I know it's all a facade. I can't help it. I sit there thinking "My God, I love this boy," and knowing I'll never get any closer to beautiful than I am with you.

You once asked if I would take back my time with you, if I could. I don't know how to say no, given everything you put me through, but really, I wouldn't. If I had a time machine, I would use it to savour the moments when I did have you. Life would be so dull if we had never met. You're my little taste of everything forbidden. You're the reason I lie. You are what makes me feel human.


© Copyright 2018 Amber Flello. All rights reserved.

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