TWTD : Who Am I Without You?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Everyone is so interested in “being realistic”, yet dissatisfied with their reality.

Submitted: September 27, 2018

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Submitted: September 27, 2018



Two Weeks To Dream : Chapter 1


  • 11:50 am. 25. September 2018 : Berlin


  • Prelude


  • Question : Who Am I Without You?


Leading up to my “Two Weeks to Dream”, the question that I’m constantly asking is, “who am I without you?” How often do I identify myself with someone else; the boyfriend, son, or friend of so and so … But who am I really?


Who is Kibbs Fortilus? A friend asked me an interesting question. He asked; “without labels, who are we?” And this question bothered me until I entered a discussion with another friend of mine. He told me that this question answered itself. The point is to remove all labels. Thus, entering an identity that can be and connect with everything. I’m hoping that in these two weeks I can enter that space.


I just need to get lost again. I just need to feel like the impossible is still possible. I need to go back to the Kibbs who dreamed about coming to Germany, was told it was impossible, and arrived in Hamburg two months later. That Kibbs was a crazy motherfucker and Germany has grounded him – but he’s still there. He’s been silent, but has been, and always will be, present.


Presence. This is something else I want to feel more comfortable with. Being in Germany has caused me to be very good at multitasking, and believing that I was focused on many things, but the truth is, you can only be focused on one thing. That’s the point of being focused … Duh …


From October 1st to the 14th, I’m on vacation. I’m traveling to Amsterdam and Brussels, but I’m doing that more for the change of location. I’m traveling without a to-do list, rather, a to-be list. Who do I intend to be every day? How do I intend to interact with others?


Right now, I’m heading to a job that does not fulfill me. Writing for me is not a distraction, nor an escape, it’s a need. I need to feel like my words have weight. I need to feel like my emotions are valid. I need to feel like my emotions can resonance with someone else. My words are my way of extending my hand and asking, “Are you also a dreamer? Will you come with me? Is your head also in the clouds? Do you need company?”


It can be lonely for a romantic. Everyone is so interested in  “being realistic”, yet dissatisfied with their reality. Everyone is so afraid of being optimistic, for fear of being disappointed. I’m challenging you to be a romantic. Get your hopes up. For the true romantic optimist, it is not necessarily the destination of the dream. Not at all. That is simply the fuel. For the true romantic optimist, it’s smiling and skipping all the way there. The fear of disappointment is there. We are still human. Just a little bit better than other humans. Yeah, I said it.


For the true romantic optimist, the possibility of reaching the “impossible” dream outweighs the fear of disappointment. I urge you to be a romantic optimist. We have way more fun.


Well, that’s it for now. I’ve said everything I needed to say and once it’s on the table, I leave it there. The ink is dry.


Smile, wonder, appreciate, give



© Copyright 2019 K.S. Fort. All rights reserved.

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