My Modest Accountant

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
HUMOUR. FLASH FICTION. COSMIC TAX!

Submitted: September 28, 2018

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Submitted: September 28, 2018

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My Modest Accountant

 

  My accountant is a modest woman, her skirt is well

below her knees. There are colourful astrological 

posters on the walls of her small office.

  " I'm a Libra, my lovely. " She smiles her permanent

smile at me, and gestures towards the scales. She is 

a very religious woman, she tells me that the recent

horrendous earthquake had a spiritual cause not a 

physical or scientific one. She tells me that it was 

caused by people's bad vibrations, their bad karma.

  " The universe is just balancing the books. " She tells 

me, " It's just part of an ongoing reconciliation, that's

how the Soo Soos can predict these tragic events. 

They know when and where there's a lot of bad 

vibrations my lovely. People always get what they 

deserve. If the universe wasn't like that, it wouldn't be 

fair. That would be absurd! God wouldn't create a 

universe that wasn't fair, would he my lovely, that

wouldn't make sense my lovely!"

  " Yes people always get what they deserve, that's 

why some children die from cancer, while other people

live to a hundred or more, it's not accidental my lovely,

it's a matter of debt and credit of their actions my lovely."

  " You know, we have to do the right thing, you

wouldn't want to come back here again, and go through

all this pain of being born, of growing up, of being

toilet trained, of going through puberty, of getting 

divorced, you wouldn't want to do that again my lovely!"

  " I mean you don't tell lies to the Taxation Department, 

because in the end they'll find out, well God finds out,

God knows everything, he's always watching. That's 

how life is my lovely. if your actions are wrong, if you

try to seduce some woman, and you're married for 

example, you'll end up in a cyclone, or an earthquake, 

or a tsunarmi, or maybe all three if you're lucky my

lovely. I can guarantee if you do the wrong thing my

lovely you'll end up in a catastrophe!"

  Just then as I'm about to leave, I glance down to my

accountant's attractive hands fidgeting with her pen,

and notice the scars where blades have slashed her

wrists, and she says...

  " So you have seen my lovely, yes once I used to get

drunk and cut my wrists, and then I would feel peaceful,

so peaceful. But it wasn't real peace, no it wasn't real,

it was just the wine. But now I am forgiven, now I feel 

real peace my lovely.

  Well now if you don't mind my lovely, I have to get

back to my ledger. I'll be in contact soon my lovely,

chow...

 


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