Is it true?
About change?
Can someone truly change to such an extent
That even their own eyes cant find themselves in old photos
Because when I search through all the faces
My eyes land on the same vaguely familiar girl
In the many incredible places she has been
With the many beautiful people
But still she is unknown to me
Two selves torn apart
So is it true?
Because I remember breathing in every experience
My lungs soaking in each rich adventure with every deep breath
The rushing wonder from each inhale getting stuck in the crooks of my teeth
And now-
I catch my breath
I no longer stand in a moment to breathe in a memory
Because when I speak I dont recognize my voice
As it was once filled with light and promise and ecstacy
And I have searched the mirrors
For mothers needlework on a tattered tongue
A name once lovingly embroidered with a deep stitch
Ripped clean from the muscle
And so-
It no longer belongs to me
My heart feather stitches tender lips closed
Most importantly because when I feel, it is never the same as before
I used to cry at the beauty I saw
At every bit of life that surrounded me
Daydream of roaming wild butterfly gardens and slow kissing in warm Arizona rains
I remember when I could make my heart feel like a hammock, sleepy in love in the orange warmth
Swaying Sunbeams pushing through wild green leaves
I used to pick apart each of the things I adore like plucking petals off a flower
Holding the silky velveteen thoughts in the palms of my open hands
And now-
I feel numb
Seemingly oblivious to all the light in life
So I may not be sure of much but I know this to be true
Im finding it harder and harder to hold onto myself
And when I am crying it is to mourn the girl I have not yet accepted I lost
And worry for the one I will become
© Copyright 2018 Sara Pope. All rights reserved.
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