Two Selves Apart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: September 30, 2018

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Submitted: September 30, 2018

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Is it true?

About change?

Can someone truly change to such an extent

That even their own eyes cant find themselves in old photos

 

Because when I search through all the faces

My eyes land on the same vaguely familiar girl

In the many incredible places she has been

With the many beautiful people

But still she is unknown to me

Two selves torn apart

 

So is it true?

 

Because I remember breathing in every experience

My lungs soaking in each rich adventure with every deep breath

The rushing wonder from each inhale getting stuck in the crooks of my teeth

And now-

I catch my breath

I no longer stand in a moment to breathe in a memory

 

Because when I speak I dont recognize my voice

As it was once filled with light and promise and ecstacy

And I have searched the mirrors

For mothers needlework on a tattered tongue

A name once lovingly embroidered with a deep stitch

Ripped clean from the muscle

And so-

It no longer belongs to me

My heart feather stitches tender lips closed

 

Most importantly because when I feel, it is never the same as before

I used to cry at the beauty I saw

At every bit of life that surrounded me

Daydream of roaming wild butterfly gardens and slow kissing in warm Arizona rains

I remember when I could make my heart feel like a hammock, sleepy in love in the orange warmth

Swaying Sunbeams pushing through wild green leaves

I used to pick apart each of the things I adore like plucking petals off a flower

Holding the silky velveteen thoughts in the palms of my open hands

And now-

I feel numb

Seemingly oblivious to all the light in life

 

So I may not be sure of much but I know this to be true

Im finding it harder and harder to hold onto myself

And when I am crying it is to mourn the girl I have not yet accepted I lost

And worry for the one I will become

 


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