Intuition Mission Chapter 1- The Journey

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Strange Magic & Stranger People
Chapter 1 of my Intuition Mission tells the story of a Shamanic Journey and how it led me to realizations about my current relationship.

Submitted: September 30, 2018

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Submitted: September 30, 2018

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The Journey

Rustles of Comfort

Reflected Heat

Sweeping Entrance

Swiftly the Feet

I wait for the Drum

The voice and the Hum

Lul me in waking sleep

 

 

I walked into the shala, a ring of bolsters and blankets were already set up.  Stepping into the corner of the room, I unrolled my mat. I prepared the blocks and set the bolster into a little ramp to lay on and then turned to my journal and crystal I had brought with me. I turned my attention to the room, observing the others who walked in and began to set up for their meditation as well. The room felt extra toasty from the class before and everyone was settling in.

Leila entered and sat in her place, the drum at her side. I put my pen and journal down, coming to a cross legged seat just behind the incline I had created.

“Welcome. Tonight is going to be a little different than usual. I often allow you to set your own intentions but tonight I am going to set one for you. For anyone who has come to my Nidra Journey but who has not yet come to Shamanic Journeying this is going to be a little different. This, is sacred.”

I noticed that this class was far more intimate. The mats had been placed into a circle facing Leila instead of being neatly and efficiently organized into rows.

“Ritual is an important practice as it symbolically lets the subconscious know that we are coming into ceremony. I have sage to use so we can clear ourselves of anything attached to you which is not yours. This practice tonight is all about you.”

She had a bundle of sage in the traditional abalone shell which she lit and passed around.

“You may pull the smoke towards you, almost as though you are washing yourself with it. Maybe scoop it over your head, bring it into your heart. There is every right way, as long as you embrace the knowledge that you are clearing yourself.”

I watched as a girl sitting across from me was passed the shell. A soft, twirling smoke was rising out of it. She scooped the smoke towards her pelvis, her navel, her heart, her throat, her forehead then washed it over her head. She was clearing her chakra centers.

“I’d like to ask who here is connected to their guides?” requested Leila. Around the room 6-7 people raised their hand. More than half.

Guides? I was surprised. I had been going to Nidra for over 6 months and I had never felt lead by anything or anyone. Imagining an elderly native woman who might walk with me in the dream land; I felt like I had been missing something. This was something I had not heard of.

“Before we settle down for the Journey, we’re going to ask the guides for protection. It does not matter if you are not connected or aware of them. Everyone has guides with them, always. So as you begin to settle into a comfortable position I’d ask you to invoke the feeling of gratitude. Be grateful to your Self for coming tonight, and for the care you will receive by allowing your Self to practice. Call in gratitude for everything which may have lead you here to this moment.”

My neighbour passed me the sage. I cupped my hand and lifted the smoke over my shoulders to clear anything behind me, over my arms and legs; then copying the other girl I pulled the smoke towards each of my chakras, lingering at my third eye. I didn’t have to evoke a feeling of gratitude. It was already there. Something about this practice just felt so right.

“Call upon your guides, and ask them to release and protect you from anything which does not serve you or help you grow. Ask to be guided by the Spirit tonight, for she has important insight to bring you.”

The bowl of sage returned to Leila and everyone began to settle back and lay down.

I knew from my Nidra experiences that comfort was infinitely important so I took extra care in lining up my bolsert before I laid back. I placed my quartz crystal on my heart, and lifted the blanket over myself. I shuffled and shifted until I was content and comfortable.

“When we string our drums we infuse them with intention. This drum has a masculine energy, it is here to “Untangle Knots”. The intention I will set for us all tonight is ‘Reveal to me that which I need to know.’

“Know that I can see where you are in your journey and I will be guiding you in the right direction. Take just a moment to say any invocations you feel called to and then repeat to yourself our intention for tonight.”

I wasn’t sure what else to call in, so I repeated Leila’s invocation of protection and guidance by spirit. I set the intention into my subconscious.

And so, Leila began to drum.

 

As I lay there listening to the thrumming rhythm, I focused my attention into the darkness between my eyes and I waited.

I had been dating my boyfriend Brent for the past three years and we had moved in with each other in June. Brent had a loveable dog whom I adored, and he worked out of town most of the time. We had been fighting, a lot. I had been fighting a low energy depression all winter.

In Nidra, as we begin it’s often instructed that we form a Sankalpa. This is a short, concise, “I Am” statement which is said to have the ability to settle into our subconscious and make lasting change in our lives. It was now February and I had been using the sankalpa “I am Love” since the fall in the hopes that if only I was more loving I could save our relationship.

Now, as I called Brent and our pup to mind it was as though they were far away. I tried to call them in closer but their image in my thoughts wouldn’t come any nearer.

Okay, I thought. Relax and accept the messages as they come. I told myself, attempting to stay calm.

I softened the tension in my mind and once again attempted to relax into the center of my mind. I spent a couple moments in the darkness before becoming somewhat bored.

I called on Bent and pup once again.

The moment I visualized my boyfriend and our dog, It was like a metaphorical door slammed on them. I was in blackness once again.

Once more I tried to call them to mind. The door slammed even harder. I could not hold them in my space.

You, alone. My mind told me.

I began to get scared. I knew what the message was telling me. I had known it for a while but hadn’t wanted to look at it. I had to leave them. The relationship wasn’t working and it was holding me back.

I began to cry, and I began to panic. After all the work I had been doing to save our relationship I couldn’t believe this was the answer.

 

Fear was close to taking me into a full spiral. I was losing myself into a circle of searching for an answer: “What next? How do I do this? How do I stay brave? How do I do this unimaginable task of separating from them?”

I took three deep breaths and chose to lose myself in the reverberations I felt in my chest. I surrendered to the drum.

Thrum Thrum hum thrum hum thrum hum thrum thrum

In the undertone of the sound I could hear wind through trees. I was in the mountains. I could see them, tall and strudy with their coats of conifers. What about the mountains?

I had plans already to go to the mountains. I was going to the Banff Yoga Festival. Suddenly I felt warm. I felt calm. I felt like I had come to my answer.

 

You, Alone. Banff Yoga Festival.

 

The last beat fell on the drum.

 


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