The Adventures of Melina the Mage (version 2)

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

Thousands of years ago, Byzantium was destroyed by an unknown power. Melina was creating a spell at a similar time, and because of the context of the time it happened, she blames herself for it. But not entirely. She sets out across Europe, looking for answers. Why did it happen? How did Byzantium get destroyed? When she figures out the cause, she sets out to take revenge, to make sure the causer does not do this to another empire again.

Table of Contents

Once Upon a Time...

Thank Akumakaze for helping me make the chapter better.
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The cover artwork original creator (I had her permission):

Fri, October 5th, 2018 3:02am


Websites used for this chapter:,+Croatia/@43.7735857,13.8733901,7.25z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x4761fa62d2c0b88f:0x12323e1c13f40784!8m2!3d44.119371!4d15.2313648

Sun, October 7th, 2018 2:49am


Creeper, I kinda like the idea and it definitely has promise but there are a few ways to present the story so it doesn't quite read like a book report, especially in the beginning. That first segment sounded like a kid spouting off facts in front of a room of other kids about the Byzantine Empire.
I didn't quite go over the entire story with my Icomments but I've offered some suggested rewrites that might help with the tone and flow of your work. You can do as you will with them. Hope it helps.

Sun, October 7th, 2018 5:26am


That's the point of the first chapter.

I am using the first paragraph for the reader to build an understanding of how Byzantine was before it was destroyed, build a little context on the extent of magic in the world and for the reader to know why Melina was making the spell about death in the world and her work environment when making spells/potions, while using this to build her personality.

Messaged about this.

Mon, October 8th, 2018 5:39pm

Kevin Broughton

A strong start once the story started which was the fourth paragraph. The first three read more like author's notes, which you have to have in your mind, but it would be better leaked out in the story as it goes along. I just have one suggestion: the tale is from Melina's point of view so she would not know she fell into a coma-like state, all she would know is that she was falling and then nothing. If you keep to her viewpoint, just like her, the reader won't know what has happened, giving them even more of an incentive to read on. Intriguing start though - especially the idea of inheriting a Byzantine tower.

Sun, October 7th, 2018 9:39am


Actually, the story is third person omnicient. Later, there will be more characters thoughts and feeling being told in later chapters.

Everyone keeps saying It's a start but no, It's version 2. Here is the first:

Sun, October 7th, 2018 7:44am

Pink Wish

nice beginning. you have to write more. make it a real story.

Mon, July 19th, 2021 11:13pm

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