My postpartum depression

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
2 whole months of feeling so many mixed emotions mixed with exhaustion! postpartum depression is real and I wish that my family understood it instead I felt judged

Submitted: October 07, 2018

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Submitted: October 07, 2018

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The windows blinds are closed

The room is dark

The fan beats above my head

A small cry comes from a bundle wrapped in my arms

I’m tired, I feel defeated, I’m sad without reason

But also overwhelmed with a new love

My heart is both flitting with joy and sunken in despair

I can’t get a grip on my feelings

I want to lock the world away

Just lie here with her

I feel like I am failing my family

As they patiently wait outside the door

Have they been fed? have they been cared for?

I don’t know… I know I should go out and check

I know I should

I should be making dinner

Be doing the laundry

Be showering the kids

I know they miss me

They wonder where their mother has gone

But I can’t seem to move from my dark room

I know I should I know I need too

But there is this heavy weight in my chest

It makes every task seem so exhausting

I can’t seem to leave her side

A overwhelming fear eats at me

I fear for her any moment she’s not in my arms

I fear that I will miss out

Every second means so much

I don’t want to fail

But all I feel is failure

failing her failing them

Losing time, anxious all the time

pretending im fine faking a smile

My husband feels my distance

He says maybe I don't love him

maybe I just want him gone

I don't let him hold her

I think to myself "do I want him gone?"

I have to remind myself I love him

That I am just so mixed up

that this will pass

I will want him there when it does

but right now...

I just want to lie here in the dark

I dont want the presure of having to be more

right now he's just a reminder that I am failing

that I cant be there

 

A small cry comes from a bundle wrapped in my arms

I smile, shut my eyes as my tears drip on her small face

she looks at me and my heart is overwhelmed with love

So much love


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