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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: October 10, 2018

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Submitted: October 10, 2018




The girl you once knew is lost and gone.
She forgot who she was in a sea of depression.
A whale of despair gobbled her up. 
Now she's trapped in her own misery. 
It's so dark and cold on inside. 
All she wants to do is scream and throw a childish tantrum.
But she knows that won't help her one bit.
It's getting hard to breathe she realizes. 
It feels like the walls are caving in upon her. 
In the distance there is light. 
It's tiny but it's there like a beam of hope.

She hides behind a wall of fear and distrust.
She lets few in because she's afraid of past mistakes. 
She just wants to be able to breathe and let others in.
It's hard to do when it's so close to home. 
It feels as though there are hands around her neck.
Pulling her down under the water.
It's getting harder and harder to pull herself back to the surface. 

When she does pull herself up. . .
It's a reminder that she isn't as weak as she originally thought. 
That she shouldn't forget the people who keep her grounded.
When the beam of hope is like a lighthouse guiding her home like the lost ship she is.
She may lose her way sometimes but she always finds her way home. 

It takes time, effort, and support to get back on to her feet. 
Though it feels like it takes nothing to fall flat on her face.
She tries to be strong all the time but it takes so much out of her.
It feels like no one notices or cares. 
She has perfected a fake facade that unless you see her tells,
you wouldn't know anything was wrong. 
Tears fall so easily. 
Walls are built up with ease.
Old habits are hard to not fall into. 
Insomnia. Depression. Anxiety. 
They hit at me all at once.
Why can't I get any peace?

The fall is some much easier.
It consumes me.
I just want to curl up into a ball and let the world have me. 
Sometimes I don't feel like fighting anymore.
Those are my weakest ones.
The moment that doubt clouds my judgement and will power.
That all I want to do is die. 

I'm a young woman now. 
The girl you knew is long gone. 
Sometimes I see her when I look at a mirror. 
She understands. 
She is the only one who knows what I go through.
The hell I am going through every second, minute, hour,and day.
I'm surprised I may it this far. 
From the little thirteen year old to a twenty-something.
It's a miracle that is what it is. 
A miracle that I am a young woman surviving her inner demons.

© Copyright 2019 Sylvermyst. All rights reserved.

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