In Between the Lines

Reads: 35  | Likes: 3  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: October 14, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: October 14, 2018

A A A

A A A


We then wished for things to happen but nothing did. Those things, however, that we prayed will never cross our paths apparently did. Have we, for a moment in our lives, took a glimpse of the irony of life? It had been, it always is and basically, life will always be ironic.

One would personally feel oppressed with the idea of not being loved back yet does not take reverence to those we can’t love in return. We give the love we thought we deserve and end up, most of the time, unsatisfied because nothing will ever match the thought-to-be great we’ve given.

 

Cherub /’cher-eb, ‘che-reb/

Noun

: a type of an angel who is thought of as being like a small angel

 

 

I’ve been living a life trying to give justice to how Merriam Webster defines my name. Should I blame my parents for the name? Should I blame the dictionary? Or should I be blaming myself for not being able to live up to how a book, of whose author I don’t know anything about, defines the same word in my birth certificate? I was once a perfect representation of my name. I used to be this lovely girl loved and adored by many. But things never stayed just as how we want it.

I don’t know what exactly happened, nor do I know how it suddenly did but I became someone totally the opposite of who I once was. Now everyone considers me as a rejected angel thrown deep below. Cast out.’

 

6:09 in the morning, I grabbed my pen and wrote these heavy lines…

 

“People would never understand

How heavy and chaotic you feel down within

When in fact-

They had never been

To the paradise you once lost in”

 

Sitting above my rooftop while thinking on what to do this rainy evening. I wrote this lines.

 

“Beneath the splashing drops

I’ve been waiting

Two million footsteps passed

I’m still waiting

Winter Spring; came Summer

Can’t blame me

I waited… too long”

 

 Two years past yet the memory still comes back rushing in. I waited for him to come back. Every second. Every minute, every day, I’ve been praying that hopefully he’ll come back.

 

“John, please… don’t leave me. I’m begging you! Please!’”, crying in tears while kneeling down. I heard not a single word from his mouth. What I heard were just his footsteps walking away from me and the sound of the front door slammed hardly, and later then I noticed, he turned his engine on and drove away.

 

How could someone possibly go without even saying he will. I deserved a reason! He left me broken. As broken as every left soul is. I wiped my tears and found myself writing these lines…

 

“To you John,

I let you open your eyes

And let you read me between lines

But you skipped the best part

Of where my heart fell and tears flowing apart

How cruel of you?

When I about to sing you

I have placed the best strings

For I- to produce a beautiful rhyme

You shut me up, and listen to your ego!”

 

That was the last time I saw my man. He left me with questions I know will always stay unanswered. The happiness I felt when he first knocked my door six years ago equaled to the pain of watching him closed that same door to leave. How can I forget a person who gave me too much to remember?

 

This is the last love letter I was about to send him months after that gloomy day. The last thing I know, he already settled down in marriage.

 

“I want to stand close next to you

And wish that one day

To you, I’ll say my “I do”

Yet things changed and gets blurred

I’ve let the string cut by those knify-wounds

I guess, that’s the best thing I’ve done

With that toxic dreamland, I woke up from

Then I knew,

Those wasted cries I had for you

You are so naïve enough, not to feel

All the blue crystal tears

I shed for you

You may not head over heels to me

At least I tried sweeping off your feet from the ground

I may not be your “happily-ever-after”

Still, you were once my “once-upon-a-time-story”

 

I hope someday

I’ll pick myself and have the courage to say

“Thank you for leaving me anyway”

To you John, Thanks for that six long years that we’ve been together. I have loved you from the start and I will always be loving you until my heart gives up.

 

Since the moment he left, my life totally changed. I usually go home at midnights drunk. Dated lots of boys whom I don’t have intimate feelings with just to temporarily forget the feeling I had for my ex-boyfriend. I violated rules and became the villain of my own story. There came a point in my life where I totally failed my family, I lost my best friend and everyone in my life disowned me. I am suffering from depression; it seems that the world really shut me off. It seems that every angle and corner of my life totally went wrong and I got no escape. I just want to simply end everything and rest eternally…

 

I took my pen and scratched a paper late at midnight. There I found myself sketching and writing something which even my mind can’t comprehend. Out of what I felt that moment, I came up with these lines…

 

“I am the heroine of my own story

When I need someone to lean on

There I found myself crying on the shoulders of my pillow

When I need someone to talk to

There I found myself conversing with my shadow

When I find myself thinking about dying and be gone

The universe stood and offers pistol and gun;

When I find myself cutting the nerves of my pulse

The world gladly offers me a knife

But! A hero came dashing and whispered something to my ear

“I, not even no one, can take care of how much I do to you,

You are loved nonetheless.”

That second I knew. I need to save my life

Although I’m just a pinprick of dust in someone’s world

Indeed! I am the galaxy of heavens of my heroin’s life”

 

I woke up one day in a white room and realized something in life. I thought of making things right and start a new beginning. So, I guess It’s not too late.

 

I started neglecting all the vices I had, I came to the house where my family is and begged for forgiveness. I know I caused too much disappointment and shame to them. I called and met my close friends and bond with them some time. I knew that I missed lots of gatherings already.

I finally got a nice job.

Everything went well. I’m valuing my life now realizing how I wasted years for someone who- ops! Let’s not talk about him, I don’t want to dwell to that dark past anymore.

 

There’s this mysterious guy who usually sends me beautiful poetic lines written in a scented paper, bouquet of bloomy flowers, sweetest chocolates and all those handmade gifts placed on my table.

8:15 in the morning. As I looked upon the letter on the table, I reminisced how John made the same set up as how he surprised me on our anniversaries.

 

Later then on, I knew it was Rio, who has been faithful to me, watching me from a far, loving me silently yet passionately. He can no longer hide his feelings to the point that he confessed and showed what he really felt towards me. He said he was so inspired with the poems I wrote because he knew everything came from my heart. There and then, he tried writing his poems just to capture my heart.

I knew to myself that I never opened my heart to anyone again after John.

 

Days and months passed, we usually exchange deep conversations through lines. Since I am good and fast in writing, he then impressed me by making his pieces too.

 

I left him with these lines…

 

“To someone I knew,

So your name is Rio!

I question you, always, why

Been sending, been writing

Words that came out of the blue

 

Thanks anyway

to the morning to evening

Pretty words you’ve been sending

You made me feel valued

When no one else sees my worth.”

 

Little did I know, he’s feelings for me deepened like a flower that is always watered with my actions and replies. Wait, am I giving the wrong signals to him? I am thankful for his love but I just can’t say yes to his plea.

 

He asked me if I would dare myself to fall in love again. He’s asking for my heart and he promised to take care of it. This is what I have to say…

 

“Way to my heart?

Please dear, move yourself

From falling apart

Wish may come true

Hopes may have granted too

But way out to my heart

Cry! - boys only do

Cause feelings fading

Likes, fleeting

Only leaving

With footprints of pain

 

I don’t want to hurt anyone because I know the feeling of being hurt. I don’t want to fool anyone because I know the feeling of being fooled. I guess, I am not yet ready to be in a relationship again. Though I can see the sincerity and great love he has for me.

 

This is all I said to him…

 

“The constellations thereof

Truly, the great witness of this love story

That can’t be played

By a you and a me

Weightless yet unfree

To the rules of gravity

That pulls my heart

Out- away from you”

 

He then replied, with an open mind and a heart of acceptance.

Don’t worry

I’ll just be an audience

In a story which

You and me could have been played

I’ll just clap my hands

To silence this broken heart

Be happy, so I’ll be….

 

And so I replied with a down hearted tone,

 

“Clock ticks fast when you’re happy

Clock tacks slow when you’re in agony

World spins too quickly

When he said he’ll forever stay with me

And world turns out too slowly

When he decided

To move himself out from me

Cherished moments

Turned to memories

Falling blue crystal tears

Turned to hurtful impossible possibilities”

 

He didn’t get what I was trying to convey with the last poem. He then asked me in an innocent tone the reason for which I won’t try to open my heart for him. Then I had the chance to tell him about the love I had for John.

I am so afraid to fall in love again. I locked my heart for so long. So long that I can’t seem to remember where I placed the keys. I got immuned to the pain that I don’t want to feel it all over again. What if one day, he’ll do the same thing? Am I to be blamed?

I did sugar-coated things just for him to feel better. Just for him to accept the fact and understand. For him to lessen the love he has for me.

 

I, then continued…

 

“I know at your first read

You don’t get the gist out from it

But I tell you this

I, just like my lines;

Can’t be easily understand

Yet so much deep feelings I have inside”

 

He replied,

 

“Why do we keep feelings to ourselves?

Love is not love ‘til you give it away.”

 

I answered him with no doubt.

 

“Love is not love

When it is not given away

But worse things came my way

No, you’re not me!

Unrequited love, denied,

Given too much; too quickly!

Yet thrown those hurtful words recklessly

I cried myself desperately

Winds pulling back and rush,

And felt these tender fractured mem’ries”

“You know what Rio, poems make me sad”, I sighed. He looked up the stars above and said, “then I’ll quit writing poems. I don’t want you to feel sad. I am sorry…” I can really feel the unconditional love he has for me.

 

“No, you don’t have to be sorry,

 to the things that you ought to be”

 

I wiped away the tears that fell off his beautiful eyes. I utter these last heavy words while holding his hands…

 

“I forget how it feels to be unwanted

I forget how it feels to be alone

Thank you for coming into my life.

I know one day,

You’ll find your “the one”

I am sorry if I’ve wasted a second or two

Just that, I want you to be free”

 

 

In life, we have to understand that some things are meant to happen, but just not meant to stay. Let’s not lose ourselves trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken and move on with our life. Just let time take its part to heal your wounds little by little until you’ll be completely fine. And also, we can’t get the relationship we need from someone who’s not ready to give it to us. I know it’s hard when our heart has labeled the person as someone we could spend forever with, but we just have to accept that they’re not always that same person. We might not understand it now, but I promise you, your future will always bring understanding of why things didn’t work just how we planned it.

 


© Copyright 2018 cherub. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Comments

More Romance Short Stories