This Shadowed World

SoulWarrior123

Hey, it's me SoulWarrior, and I just read the first chapter of your new book. Exciting setup for a story. It's a nice plot device with this concept of dreamscapes and stealing people's dreams. Pretty dark for sure but that is why I felt something too. You also make a good attempt to describe a unique setting. Feels a bit like middle-age but resurrected for a future world. Not too dissimilar from some works of science-fiction I've read but I got a good feel of an unique environment. Good setup for a stroy. On the negative side one thing hit me and that is that I maybe wanted some more detail, more "Show don't tell". It's not that what I read lacked detail it's just that I would have wanted to immerse myself more into the world. To get a better feel for the characters, setting and so on. That is one thing I have learnt from reading and writing too. That one can get very far just by adding detail to describe larger ideas with more details. So a picture emerges in the subconscious and one can get a good feel for what you are aiming at. Anyway, exciting setup and I feel it will get pretty dark indeed.

SoulWarrior123

I just felt I had to develop my concept of "Show Don't Tell" a little bit more. I think what is the problem with more rigid storytelling with clear ideas is that one can lose the sense of mystery a bit. To write more with subtle details builds mystery to greater effect. You always have good ideas but you present them in a bit to rigid ways. One can get some sense of character in this story, especially the dialogue is quite exciting. But if you would tone down the more obvious in favour for more subtle details one will get a better sense of what kind of characters you try to write. So that the subconscious part of the brain gets more engaged and you get a better sense of atmosphere and feeling beyond the exact words. In a sense I would suggest that this story is resembling fantasy writing to some extent. And fantasy is more about emotion than abstract ideas. Don't take this too serious though as it clearly is science-fiction you are writing. Just try to write more about looks, manners, keep the dialogue, and develop concepts with more subtlety so that the writing can evoke more emotion. This is how I write most of the time. And it gets more exciting for you the writer too as you can immerse yourself in complexity and make this more exciting for yourself. Still, a good setup, good ideas for characters and I will surely want to learn more about this world.

SoulWarrior123

Another thing just hit me and this is something I have had to work on myself in many writing projects. And that is that I think you would have very much to gain by developing your story in a more "sense of realism" way. With this I mean that the main character gets the opportunity for a review of her talents very fast. But one thing I ask myself is: Why did this happen so fast? It happens too fast for me to sense that this could happen in real life. If you instead would develop your story a little bit slower and present ideas that would make this seem plausible I would be more interested in following along. I think readers of science-fiction mostly search for creativity (which you have) combined with a sense of realism in storylines. One wants to get a feel "this could happen for real". Maybe you will explain why the main character got the opportunity later in your story but at that point it can be too late for readers just wanting to feel the sense of realism early in the story. It's about perceptions of the reader. Ome has very much to gain by coming into the heads of the readers looking for realism in science-fiction writing. On the other hand your world feels interesting and I would be fully possible to make it seem a bit more realistic too. Raising the expectations of the readers early in the story

Silgorious

Great chapter with exciting characters. As soulwarior pointed out, I too felt the need for showing the readers and getting them involved in the story, not just narrating it from the prospective of an outsider.

That being said, this is an awesome start, full of energy and mystery. Love it very much. Thanks for sharing.

Muneeb Sohail

this story must have taken so long making and naming the characters and things like lord of midnight and DreamStrikers and BraveHearts and etc i know it would have taken time second thing I like about this story that you are imaging as you were building the story which is what an author should do I didn't feel any problem and i didn't feel the story was rushed with the no mistakes or anything its a masterpiece can't wait what happens next, Keep up the good work :D

PoeticMe♥

I've been reading back to back fantasy today and I'm so far loving every second of it. The Dreamscape concept actually sounds really beautiful. I honestly admire all fantasy writers. I'm already loving Alena's personality, she's my favorite type of character. I'm really looking forward to where this goes so please keep me updated.

Ethan Howard

Thank you for bringing your story to my attention.

At the risk of repeating what other folks have told you, your overall science fiction concept is quite unique.

I know this is draft, so I do not get TOO hung up on spelling and grammar as long as I can still understand it.....which I do.

It is evident you how to convey detail to the reader. Feel free to tone that down just a little. Let us use our imagination (which YOU have a lot of) for some things. Less is more sometimes.

I look forward to more chapters. You have something here. I learn so much from writers like you with innovative minds.

I will comment on the actual story as you publish more chapters. Keep up the good work.

Cheers!

H D Cooper

Hey,
I am really interested in the plot and look forward to reading future chapters. You have a vivid imagination and it shows in your work.
There are some grammatical errors and some typos that I have tagged for you. Some of the descriptive language could use a little buffering but all in all, amazing story.
Thanks for sharing this with me. KMU :-)

devin e.

Hey so i just read the first chapter, this is the first time ive been on in a while, and I really like it, but for a prologue, you should make a flashback to over a thousand years b3fore, foretelling a prophecy of an ancient evil rising or smth but thats just a suggestion, bouta write on my book for a little! Keep up the good work!