Space, the Druid Pumpkin’s Final Frontier

Space, the Druid Pumpkin’s Final Frontier

Ana Esther

 (29/Oct/2018)

Now the Pumpkin lives

in the Amazon Forest!

Now the Pumpkin lives

in the Amazon Forest! 

Holy Pumpkin! What a predicament… this bloody refrain from my former guardian Arthur King’s band, the Psychics of Happy Doomsday, has actually broadcasted my very own doom. Sure, as it’s Halloween’s Eve –two minutes before midnight- I’m here talking to you. Hey, you don’t need to push me, I will definitely reveal voluntarily my most treasured and horrendous secret: the never-ever-told-before story of my Druid Pumpkin relatives.

Mind you, as you might well remember, I’m still a pumpkin… Yes, the one and only Holy Pumpkin of an ancient lineage of a Druid Pumpkin family whose mystic origin dates back to the wondrous western shores of pre-Christian Britain. You will most probably remember as well that after many hardships in the hands of successive mortal guardians throughout more than two millennia, I’ve ended up as a most sacred ward of an Amazonian native Indian Pajé somewhere well hidden in the heart of the Amazon Forest. Though I’m still here, I sense, due to my prophetic powers, this is soon about to change. Forever.

So, I haven’t got much time left to unveil my secret to you. It’s now or never, and I’ll be as brief as I can. It all goes back to this sacrifice goat that the fearsome Druid priest Ethur, Lord of the Holy Cave, killed to pamper some deities… I must remind you that Ethur had picked up just the very first goat that ever lived on planet Earth, the missing link of its species. This unique goat turned out to be immortal, well, just as long as it wouldn’t be killed as a religious sacrifice… Unfortunately for the goat, that’s precisely what Ethur had in mind for it. Before the poor goat passed away though, it threw up some pumpkin seeds… Well, now you grasped the gist of the story, yes, yes, I’m the offspring of those seeds.

So far, so good. You should know this story up to this point. The well-kept secret of my Druid Pumpkin family which I’m about to tell you hasn’t got to do with the holy pumpkin seeds… instead it’s all about the deceased ‘immortal’ goat! If it weren’t for the pressing of my untimely departure from this world, I wouldn’t be telling you such appalling family secret… I’d be cleverly playing tricks on you, beating about the bush and forever postponing to another Halloween such outrageous revelation. But time has come indeed… I feel I owe you this bit of a foretelling of what the future has in store for you…

Oh, my Goddess! I’ve got but a few minutes… Shall I tell you? Oh, so be it… Make sure your faint heart doesn’t fail you after you hear this! Your life as you know it will never be the same anymore… Well, that goat turned out to come to Earth from outer space! That’s it, I said it. Yes, it came from a far-off galaxy. From one of its planets, one inhabited by immortal goats. Not only are they immortal but more importantly, they’re also extremely intelligent goats. Their society has become highly developed and in time they’ve mastered the craft, sorry, I mean, the technology of wormhole-travelling through space… So, now you might surely believe that they came to Earth, don’t you? So they did, yes. Thousands and thousands of years ago. And that’s why the goat was the very first goat on Earth…

By the way, what on earth has all this got to do with the terrible secret of my ancient Druid Pumpkin family? Obviously enough, in case you remember that my seeds have come from out of the goat’s belly before it died, you may wonder… Quickly, they’re coming, we’ve got in telepathic touch! Yes, those pumpkin seeds also came from outer space. I’m an alien pumpkin, not a Druid one! Consequently, my ancient family is not Druid, they are all ALIENS! What a revelation… shame on me!

Now, it’s midnight. Halloween is dawning and with it the dimensional-portal to space travelling has been magically opened up and my Goat Cocoon masters have come to rescue me back home! Well, space travelling via wormhole-jumping could do the trick too… but this is a Halloween tale, so we’d rather take the magic portal! Oh, another thing before I join my planet-mates… they’ve found me out on account of the radio waves which broadcasted the Psychics of Happy Doomsday’s bloody song through the edges of the Universe…

Finally, here they are! It’s high time I went back where I belong, my birth planet awaits me. The Amazon Indians will think I have been abducted by some unknown forest fairy. Thank you for patiently listening to my life story in these Halloween episodes...  I might say goodbye to you now.

What? Which planet, which galaxy? No, I’d rather not reveal this to you, I guess this might be far beyond what your nerves could sanely take… you know, intelligent aliens, space and time travels, multiverses in so many dimensions… Are you sure you can handle it? No, don’t push me… I won’t tell you these dangerous secrets. No way, give up. No. Well, maybe on another Halloween night… 

*This is the third tale of my TRILOGY OF THE PUMPKIN which consists of HALLOWEEN AT THE TROPICS (2016); NOW THE PUMPKIN LIVES IN THE AMAZON FOREST (2017); and SPACE, THE DRUID PUMPKIN'S FINAL FRONTIER (2018). Now they are all posted here on Booksie! Check it out!