My Fault

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
A life changing experience

Submitted: October 31, 2018

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Submitted: October 31, 2018

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My Fault

 

“Don’t say anything.  I don’t want to hear any excuses from you.”  I looked up, waiting for the slap across my face.  I knew it would be coming so I was ready.

Too many things happened so quickly that I found my thoughts blurred.  Yes, I knew that I was…  what?  The instigator.  The culprit.  The accused.  It all happened so quickly that it is difficult to put everything together.  To even understand what everyone thinks that I did.

Mom came home late as usual.  Another long day at work.  No dinner was ready.  Not my day to cooks.  I just remember Mom going into my sister Carrie’s room before the yelling started.  Loud and angry.  At first, I thought that it was all about dinner not being ready.  Then I watched as Mom dragged Carrie down the hallway to the room that I shared with my brother.  That is when everything became very quiet.  Carrie returned to her room.  Mom came into the living room and turned off the TV.  My brother and I just sat staring at a blank screen.

“Jim, go to your room.” Mom ordered, and it only took Jim a second to comply.  I waited.  I did not know what Carrie had said but I knew that somehow, I would be the one at fault. 

A lot had happened that afternoon.  We were playing Monopoly.  I was winning as usual when Chad said he had had enough of the game and quit by throwing his properties and money onto the board.  When he rose from the table he grabbed Carrie by the arm and pulled her from her chair.  I remember him saying that they had better things to do than play some stupid game as they headed toward our room.

I waited, putting the property cards, money and tokens back into the box. This wasn’t the first time that Chad and Carrie had disappeared into our room in the afternoon.  I never asked what they were doing.  I didn’t really think about it, really.  For some reason, today I wanted to know what they were doing.

I went to the backyard and crept along the side of the house to the window to our room.  I knew that I was spying.  I wasn’t supposed to be here.  The curtain was closed except for a small slit along the right side, just enough for me to see inside.  I slowly raised my head above the window sill and peeked in, careful that no one would see me.

There she was, Carrie, face down on my bed, naked, hand tied to the bed posts, feet tied to the bed posts, Chad on top of her.  Sex, where they having sex, on my bed?  I watch only a few seconds before turning away.  Wow!  Was this what they did?

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted when Mon hit me on the side of my head.  The shock of the blow dropped me to the floor. 

“How could you do such a thing to your sister?”  Mom screamed.  I stayed on the floor.  “Why?”

I didn’t say anything.  What had Carrie said?  All I knew was that I was somehow the one who had done everything.  Why?  I looked up at Mom standing over me.  What would happen next? 

I don’t know how long I stayed on the floor curled in a ball.  I just knew that I was safer here on the floor than anywhere else.  I listened as Mom cried and yelled and Carrie kept saying she was sorry, over and over.  She kept saying that it was just a game, she was blindfolded and didn’t know what we were going to do.  I don’t remember hearing Chad.  Frank came home at some time and immediately joined the fury.  They were in Carrie’s room, yelling, screaming at each other.  I just waited.

Late at night, I went to my room and crawled into my bed.  Chad was in his bed, I could see him without turning on the light.

‘You know you can’t tell them anything about what happened.”  Chad said with a quiet voice as if he didn’t want anyone to hear.  “They will never believe you.”

I didn’t respond.  I waited and then I asked.  “What happened?”

“Mom saw the marks on Carrie’s wrists.  Other than that, I don’t know.  She must have said something.”

I reached up and found the ropes looped around the posts at the head of my bed, just as I had seen that afternoon.  I didn’t check for ropes on the foot posts as I knew those would also still be there.  So that is what Mom found.  My bed.  Ropes.  What else?  Everything pointing directly at me.

The morning didn’t change anything.  I woke to find Mom and Frank sitting at the kitchen table.  Neither looked as if they had had any sleep.  Both were staring a empty coffee mugs.

“You can’t stay here.”  Frank was the first to break the silence.  “What you did was…  I can’t even say what I feel.”

I stared at them.

“I can’t even understand why you would do such a thing to Carrie.  She is your sister.”  Mom cried and looked away from me.

“It wasn’t me.” I stammered looking down at the floor.

Mom erupted first, then Frank.  Mom forbid me from blaming anyone since she found the ropes, the soiled sheets and Carrie’s torn panties in my bed.  Frank fumed and stomped out of the room.  I knew that anything I could say would not matter.

“I want you out.”  Mom seemed to regain some composure.  “I’ve called my sister Anne.  She will take you for a while.  That or I call the police.”

What could I say at that point.  I was the one to blame.  I was the pervert.  I would pay the price.  Now I knew that I could never turn back.  I could never come back here again.

 

 


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