not the one to begin with

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
it was a sunny monday morning. the birds are chirping,creating a melody of love. it was 7:00 a.m. sharp. i stood in front of the gate with my full uniform. every minute,every second, i will glance on the mirror beside the guard house. 7:00 a.m. my favourite time for every weekdays! busses,cars,motorcycles are making their move. one by one students enter the gate. my acquaintance looking at them from head to toe. checking up, whether they wear a complete uniform. especially guys. tie is a must, no tie, no enter!

to be honest all of my acquaintances were good. very dedicated. i was the head during that time. you can call me senior. sounds superior isn't?

my heart beats fast. oh shit! there he comes. my crush for years! tall, fair skin, cleaned hair cut. my type. he is getting closer. "settle down. breath in, breath out. bitch face show time" i talked to myself.

i gave him a glance. i can feel my face are tighten. "stop smiling!" i griped my blazer to control my emotion. he looked at me with a style and went straight away to the hall. just like the other students did. everyday, that was my

he was my crush. he used to. 6 years of keeping this secret. phew! that was difficult. we were classmates. from primary until secondary school. he was that cool guy type but, also an evil genius. yes, he is genius. one of the top scorer in the whole form and also evil because of his attitude and his words. sometimes he is such a pain in the ass. and asshole..

we were in our final year. struggling for the upcoming examination. he was sitting behind the class and i sat in front with my friends. we sat in a group of four. so whenever he writes on the white board, i can look at him clearly. whenever he walked behind to answer questions, i can smell his cologne. scary,i know.

but the thing was, he never liked me. never. but it is fine, we can't force people to like you back. i prefer the word "like" compared to "loved". the reason.. i will tell you later.

both of us were born in the same month. two days apart. i am older than him by two days. we have the same taste of music,humor,movies and more. the best thing was, he called me scarlet johansson because he said that i looked like her. (5%) but no i am not. everyday after wash my face, i will stare at the mirror and find, which part of my face is scarlet johansson. the other reason why i liked when he called me scarlet johansson, because it was his favourite actress. i know, he has a sexy taste.

i remember that he rejected me as one of his group members. one time, our english teacher told us to form a group of four. but it must required 1 boy and 3 girls. so i started to make a brave move. i asked him "can i be in your group?" and he answer was "no"

just 'no' because he picked other girl. i remembered that day precisely, my heart was so broken. like, he can still accept me and that girl. but that girl has a bestfriend, so automatically, her bestfriend will be in his team too. okay find, you are the one who just lost a good and a hardworking teammate!

i remember clearly that he knelt in front of me twice and said "i will never fall in love with you". wow, that was harsh. i told you, he is a pain in the ass. but i still like him. classic me.

in the class, i will always take chances to look at him. whenever he starts to argue with his friends, teachers, i will be his number one audience. the reason why i like him because, he is good at talking. be a politician, man. but sometimes, he loved to argue, just for the sake of arguing,and it was so annoying.

several years ago, my feelings towards him wasn't that strong. i mean it was just plain, puppy-one-sided-love. but, since the day his mother passed away, my feelings towards him was getting stronger. for two years, i hated myself because i did not have the boldness to come to him,to comfort him and to check on him. he used to talk to this one girl. she was in the same class with us. i was so envious of her.

everyday, i tried to catch his attention. but i failed. they used to have lunch together and my heart was pounding so fast, whenever i saw both of them were together. until they started to stop from having lunch together. i know why, but i don't want to talk about it.

until the last day of our final examination, he still catches my attention. my heart was aching, because i know that after this, i won't see you like i always did. because we are going to different path. all of us.

to me, he was the one who help me to create a wonderful journey during my school year. he gave me butterflies, rainbows and also thunder. i used to think that, one day he will finally acknowledge me because i know about him very well, about his family and his personal problem. he used to talk to me about it back then. but i don't whether he still remember it or not.

he gave me strength to go through each of everyday. he taught me how to overcome my jealousy without knowing it. do you know, that you are the reason why i lied to everyone that i had a crush on my junior. it was because of you. to fade my feelings towards you.

one of those memories that still can remember, he told me on the last day before our final exam "i pray that one day, you will become a lecturer or a lawyer or anything that you want."

hey, you just made my day. you always did. but not anymore.

now we are going different path. i choose leisure way, you choose complicated way. classic him. now, you have someone else in your heart. i have never seen you like this before. you look..happier. i am happy for you.

i remember this phrase from a drama that i watch. 13 reasons why.
'i can love you and still let you go"

so, i've let you go. you are no longer inside my heart. you are just a history to me. you are my friend. you are not that 'person' to begin with just like i thought.

i don't know why i choose to write about you as my first story,maybe you were the first person who gave me that kind of experience.

because of that, i disdain the usage of "love". because "like" is much more modest to me. maybe the word "love" is for that one person that i really want to begin with.

Submitted: November 07, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: November 07, 2018

A A A

A A A


It was a sunny Monday morning. The birds are chirping,creating a melody of love. It was 7:00 a.m. sharp. I stood in front of the gate with my full uniform. Every minute,every second, I will glance on the mirror beside the guard house. 7:00 a.m. My favourite time for every weekdays! Busses,cars,motorcycles are making their move. One by one students enter the gate. My acquaintance looking at them from head to toe. Checking up, whether they wear a complete uniform. Especially guys. Tie is a must, no tie, no enter!

 

To be honest all of my acquaintances were good. Very dedicated. I was the head during that time. You can call me senior.  Sounds superior isn't?

 

My heart beats fast. Oh shit! There he comes. My crush for years! Tall, fair skin, cleaned hair cut. My type. He is getting closer. "Settle down. Breath in, breath out. Bitch face show time" I talked to myself.

 

I gave him a glance. I can feel my face is tighten. "Stop smiling!" I griped my blazer to control my emotion. He looked at me with a style and went straight away to the hall. Just like the other students did. Everyday, that was my

 

He was my crush. He used to. 6 years of keeping this secret. phew! That was difficult. We were classmates. From primary until secondary school. He was that cool guy type but, also an evil genius. Yes, he is genius. One of the top scorer in the whole form and also evil because of his attitude and his words. Sometimes he is such a pain in the ass. And asshole..

 

We were in our final year. Struggling for the upcoming examination. He was sitting behind the class and I sat in front with my friends. We sat in a group of four. So whenever he writes on the white board, I can look at him clearly. Whenever he walked behind to answer questions, I can smell his cologne. Scary,I know.

 

But the thing was, he never liked me. Never. But it is fine, we can't force people to like you back. I prefer the word "like" compared to "loved". The reason.. I will tell you later.

 

Both of us were born in the same month. Two days apart. I am older than him by two days. We have the same taste of music,humor,movies and more. The best thing was, he called me Scarlet Johansson because he said that I looked like her. (5%) But NO I AM NOT. Everyday after wash my face, i will stare at the mirror and find, which part of my face is Scarlet Johansson. The other reason why I liked when he called me Scarlet Johansson, because it was his favourite actress. I know, he has a sexy taste.

 

I remember that he  rejected me as one of his group members. One time, our English teacher told us to form a group of four. But it must required 1 boy and 3 girls. So I started to make a brave move. I asked him "Can I be in your group?" and he answer was "no"

 

Just  'NO' because he picked other girl. I remembered that day precisely, my heart was so broken. Like, he can still accept me and that girl. But that girl has a bestfriend, so automatically, her bestfriend will be in his team too. Okay find, you are the one who just lost a good and a hardworking teammate!

 

I remember clearly that he knelt in front of me TWICE and said "I will never fall in love with you". Wow, that was harsh. I told you, he is a pain in the ass. But I still like him. Classic me.

 

In the class, I will always take chances to look at him. Whenever he starts to argue with his friends, teachers, I will be his number one audience. The reason why I like him because, he is good at talking. Be a politician, man. But sometimes, he loved to argue, just for the sake of arguing,and it was so annoying.

 

Several years ago, my feelings towards him wasn't that strong. I mean it was just plain, puppy-one-sided-love. But, since the day his mother passed away, MY feelings towards him was getting stronger. For two years, I hated myself because I did not have the boldness to come to him,to comfort him and to check on him. He used to talk to this one girl. She was in the same class with us. I was so envious of her.

 

Everyday, I tried to catch his attention. But I failed. They used to have lunch together and my heart was pounding so fast, whenever I saw both of them were together. Until they started to stop from having lunch together. I know why, but I don't want to talk about it.

 

Until the last day of our final examination, he still catches my attention. My heart was aching, because I know that after this, I won't see you like I always did.  Because we are going to different path. All of us.

 

To me, he was the one who help me to create a wonderful journey during my school year. He gave me butterflies, rainbows and also thunder. I used to think that, one day he will finally acknowledge me because I know about him very well, about his family and his personal problem. He used to talk to me about it back then. But I don't whether he still remember it or not.

 

He gave me strength to go through each of everyday. He taught me how to overcome my jealousy without knowing it. Do you know, that you are the reason why I lied to everyone that I had a crush on my junior. It was because of you. To fade my feelings towards you.

 

One of those memories that still can remember, he told me on the last day before our final exam "I pray that one day, you will become a lecturer or a lawyer or anything that you want."

 

Hey, you just made my day. You always did. But not anymore.

 

Now we are going different path. I choose leisure way, You choose complicated way. Classic him. Now, you have someone else in your heart. I have never seen you like this before. You look..happier. I am happy for you.

 

I remember this phrase from a drama that I watch. 13 Reasons Why.

'I can love you and still let you go"

 

So, I've let you go. You are no longer inside my heart. You are just a history to me. You are my friend. You are not that 'person' to begin with just like I thought.

 

I don't know why I choose to write about you as my first story,maybe you were the first person who gave me that kind of experience.

 

Because of that, I disdain the usage of "love". Because "like" is much more modest to me. Maybe  the word "Love" is for that one person that I really want to begin with.


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