The conspiracy guy

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: November 07, 2018

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Submitted: November 07, 2018



I’m lurking at the bar enjoying a nice cold drink
and suddenly this dude named Rodney-one-leg appears
he’s this conspiracy guy
totally eccentric, always gets you trapped in his really long winded but super absolutely wildly entertaining conversations
the sheer comedy infomercial gold coalesces for an astonishingly long time about nothing

he spies me and points over directly at me
and says to me, you don't belong here, you are trapped
it’s horrific, he stretches his finger out really fast pointing at me
and his pointy finger stretches out really fast and really far and for a really long time
and then it wavers slightly and sparks a bolt of sizzling flames
casting a massive spell directly on me and my friends

the spell hits us hard, immediately my lips start to harden
my mouth begins to elongate out in to a flubbering good for nothing
humungously huge Daffy Duck beak
and I can hardly hold up my head, my jaw is stretching out, it’s stiffening and excruciating
my cracking lips crumbling away
face growing out into over protruding shiny-ness and crackles
and blinding rainbows and brain-blows of screaming pain and screamingly unbelievableness
as my face births the beaming shiny Daffy-Duck bill I grasp my staggering new cartoon mouth
my eyes are wide, I’m suffocating in my own screams

I heave trying to quickly relearn how to breathe
I try to calm down to backtrack my way out of this dark magic situation
that had so quickly convoluted and escalated and coalesced in to something that is this horrible thing of my wildest dreams

I don’t know how to use my new mouth and I can’t control what comes out of it phlurgrhh plaaghgh ppppfffl phlahggheetttii

I’m screaming hypernuclear retina blasting
phleeghyu phhhh my duck bill spatters as my mind bursts all the shit I wish I had the power to say
I’m locked up in my head trapped up inside my brain
I’m self conscious and I grab my friend
she looks truly morbidly horrified and terrified
if there were ever such a pure expression of a thing, that was it
now I’ve seen some really grim shit but that was way more grimmer even in with the state of this crazy godforsaken world and even though she no longer had a mouth
that feeling was displayed and conveyed absolutely and perfectly

I look around, my mind screaming for someone to help us fix our faces and help point us in the right direction outta here

mocking whispers were echoing INTRUDER ALERT

you do not belong here, you must go back, you are not welcome

a voice whispers to me from the stillness filled voids, don’t listen to them!
you’ve got the force! You’ve gotta find it ! fight it! Look within!
The power lies within you
Use the force, you’re stronger than you know

So I winged myself up
YeeHawww Yeahhh I’ve got some kind of fuckin force
I try to draw on the love and support from my friends
this is my fuckin dream

I scrunch up my rubbish in my pockets
every single experience that I’ve never been able to explain in my entire life is summoned up from the depths of the wells of the black hole ravaged glaciers from the bottom of every canyon and every dried up and cracked up once muddy dam
and every aspect of this bullshit dream scenario and simulation theory comes together
this party had certainly taken a dive and I’m running and I’m clutching my duck bill face
I’m testing its strength
summoning all my neutrinos and magic force that I can find inside of me
muscling up the void within
I ripple inwards screaming in hyper technicolour surround sound

there’s a familiarity like it’s all a thing I’ve experienced before
for another moment I’m a rippling twisting celestial feather
with the shiniest duck bill on the block and I’m staring at my freshly cleaned ThankYou glistening hands
channeling the force

and two rays of bursting bright white light come reaming and streaming out of my palms
blinding me with their beautiful purity
teaming through my hands and through the universe
pulling back in through my feet in this torroidally shifting whistling enveloping whipping whopping haze of glory and summoning
my hair spinning out behind me in the wind of my own force
the endless instants endless distant ghosts roar

my purity laser beams trapped Rodney-One-Leg the conspiracy guy who cast the duckbill spell on me and my friends
he shimmered in to a rippling thought bubble
Rodney-One-Legs bubble was also viewable like a mind operated computer screen
a trick I seemed to have learnt from the most powerful wizard in all of the land who pissed out the silver dragonfly that told him that he came from Hell

I was scrolling and clicking through the days and moments of his life
like watching photos and pages blowing off the calender
his whole life flashed before my eyes,
every moment of my life was lived was before me, but not by me

the conspiracy guy was stuck there shimmering in the thought bubble for quite some time,
glowing in anti time, frozen in slow motion
with a very surprised look on his face

then he leans in slow motion to pick his way out of the thought bubble
rippling slowly
I was trapped, it was awkward, I should have run but I couldn’t get away
bandhur atmtmanas tasya yenatmaivatmanas tu satrutve vartetamava satruvat

the magic trending was hanging thick in the air like it was a claggy glitter glue holographic electrical paste

and another beer winked and blinkingly teleported across the table towards his friend
gently transferred immediately
smoothly skipping a beat straight over

At last, am I dead?
I feel the crackle of something like the bending and the mending of the fabric of reality all over my skin
but it’s all realer than real
I couldn’t have dreamed this up in my wildest dreams of my dreams of my dreams of my nightmares

that dude Rodney-One-Leg casting this godamn duckbill spell over here
I can’t believe I trapped the fucker with rippling purity beams from my palms and my sticky-trap thought bubbles

someone muttered to me from the distance
Those who can control the mind, we will be the best of friends
Those who fail to do so, will remain the greatest enemy

I grab my duckmouthed friends, we should find our way out of this
before Rodney-One-Leg bursts out of his magical binding thought bubble
but in an instant we skip past a page where he was talking about how everything is made up of nothing and then he turns and says to me, you should be afraid,
but it’s not an accident you’re here
I think it’s time that you know some things and learnt a thing or two about yourself
my duck mouth was flapping and drooling and flubbering

I was imparted by the knowledge that we are all witches in nature, just as a fire is covered by smoke
a mirror is covered by dust, or as an embryo is covered by the womb
each living being is covered with multiple layers of oscillating energy grids
everything is made up of nothing, nothing is made up of something, and everything is something and every something is nothing

you have a power deep within you, you must use the nothing that is everything, and let the journey begin

we hastily make our escape
as they talk about liking people based on their personality
I don’t know if that’s good or bad
because clearly I have some kinda personality disorder
and a duck-bill mouth and I can’t say anything that I really wanna say

I stare at my hands
I think I see power glistening, I feel ready for ascension through infinite dimensions
this must be a dream, bending spacetime and mending
now I’m personally recommending to myself that I get the fuck outta here el pronto bismo and go order up some slap up al fresco swish dinner and reflect deeply on this force deep within
get some bim saladim salada happening
blast my third eye to the stars with a big ali-kebab-ra
and muscle up my magic juice within
time to get rid of these fucking huge cartoon Duck-Bills

these people are pretty overwhelming
I’m tired and I question my eyes and my mind

I journey through the spiritual skies, tumble down, spinning my goard around like a killer fuckin tornado
with blinding hypercolour sound and real magic that you could only dream about in your wildest dreams of your dreams of your dreams
I can hardly fuckin believe any of this shit

lightning force striking services to the universe
the everything that is made up of nothing

my duckbill face falls right off as I grab all my friends together to leave

think I gotta make my way home again

I wake up from my dream
I’m splayed out in bed glistening
a dead dragonfly is stuck on my breast

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