The Model that Crumpled Away

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
They changed my life

Submitted: November 10, 2018

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Submitted: November 10, 2018

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BEEP. BEEP. BEEEEEEEP-  I slam my hand down on my phone, ending the god awful sound of the alarm. I roll over, my eyes slowly opening to the light of a new day. Then I shut them, I don’t wanna get up, I have school today! I have no need for school! I’m better staying here in my world of sleep, where all my dreams and fetishes come true right here with me. I roll back over, clawing my bed sheets back over my face, and shut my eyes again.

 

Wait a second…. I have school today, it’s monday….. OH! OH!

I grab my covers with both hands, and fling them off my bed. I shoot upwards, lunging for my phone. I stare at the lock screen, and a message flashes before my eyes.

“ Good morning Georgie! Ready for that thing called school? I’m not, see ya there!” Sent from Sofia, ten minutes ago. My mouth drops, lips curling into a smile, my eyeballs emit a glow as if to light up my room.

“ Yeah, I will see ya there.” I whisper to myself. I think I have a reason to start my day now. I do everything so quickly. Dress, eat, hop in my dad’s car, and go right up into my high school. Look at those other kids, looking all depressed, worried about their next test, or their dogs being sick, or they’re afraid they won’t make it into the new year’s sports team. BLEH. I have no such things. I only have one thing in my life. One thing I use as my crutch to cheese every obstacle that comes my way. And it’s not something that I can be accused of cheating for. Sofia!

 

I enter my school, and immediately start to look around. I have eight minutes till first period starts, plenty of time to find her. I go to our normal meetup place for before, during lunch, and after school. I see a girl, 16 years old, with long brown hair, emerald green eyes, sandy tan skin, and a notebook and pencil in her hands. She’s sitting at bench next to a tree.

“ Sofia!” I sit down next to her, putting my face on her shoulder. “ What’s up.” She looks at me, acting serious.
“ Do I know you?”

“ You mean my face or me?” I ask.

“ I mean your face, since last I checked, faces don’t sit on people’s shoulders.” She said.

“ What if it kept on sitting on your shoulder then?” I asked.

“ Then I’d have to strike it with my pencil!” She makes like she’ll drive the tool into my forehead. I pull back. “ Dang it, the face disappeared.”

“ I’ll keep an eye on it for you okay?” I ask.

“ Okay, wait which eye? There were two of them.” Sofia says.

“ Both, two times the efficiency.” I say.

“ Ah, alright, makes sense.” She says. We both burst out laughing. No one else at school sees us as any different from them. They’re all laughing too, so it’s not like we stuck out or something. Occasionally  a kid or two might glance at us, thinking we’re “lesbian” or something. I hate it when people look at me, it makes me so uncomfortable. I always use Sofia as a pillow, crawling up next to her when the people came too close for comfort. Actually I’m doing that right now, laying against her side, watching her draw on her paper till school starts. Eight minutes feels like eight milliseconds. I can forget that I’m even at school. Just her smooth arm, the strokes on the paper, slowly but masterfully crafting whatever it was she was drawing. Sofia telling me about how her fish almost got eaten by her cat yesterday night as she was trying to go to sleep. Her words rocketed out of her mouth and made a soft landing into my ears. She spoke in lullabies. I responded with vague yeahs, mhms, oh wows. I wasn’t doing it to be mean, or anything. I only do that when the teacher’s talking. No no, when It’s Sofia? I HAVE to listen. Even if I try my hardest to not listen, I still would. Because my beating, red dripping, blood pumping heart says I have to. I have to listen to Sofia, I have to trust her and stay near her when the people and troubles come. But I know it’s right, because Sofia? Best way to sum it up is with what this one kid, Bryan, said during English class last thursday.

 

I might’ve just been overhearing a different conversation not meant for me, but I heard him say this: “Georgie and Sofia are reallllllly good friends, more than a simple bond between them, the very essence of love without it being romantic. They have each other’s back, never cease to offer help, and be there when the other needs it. They work, they play, they laugh, they do stupid things, they do cringey things, they share their deepest secrets and never judge or disgrace. They love each other for who they are, how nice they are, and close of a bond they have, a bond that no one else has with them. No parents, no no one, except each other.” He was saying this to maybe two other kids in the class? See, when I heard that, I felt a few different things. I was angry that he’d released my secret to strangers, and I was too scared to do anything. When secrets get out to the wrong people, it can be devastating to you. So I just hid my face under my arms, trying to focus on my work. Even tho in English it’s already hard to do literally anything because Sofia ISN’T in that class! I have four classes with her. English and Science are the exceptions, and those two places can seriously step in front of a car. I HATE it when she’s not there! I can’t use her for help, for protection against the people that wanna use me, cause for some reason these boys like Tyler and James, they find it fun to steal my stuff, and attempt to smash my head into the bathroom wall, even though they shouldn’t be in the girl’s room! But who fixes those issues? Makes them not an issue at all? My calculator to those math problems? Sofia! I don’t even understand how she’s so confident in herself. I could never say the things she says to those people.

 

So, I figured today would be like those others days, another magical one on my journey to somewhere with Sofia! Just us two girls, on an adventure through life! We’re going to the snow mountains in december, I CANNOT WAIT! I’d been anticipating something like it for so long! Now only a month away! Needless to say I springed to go to class today, just like always! Math, pfft, easy, PE? Not boring when Sofia can talk about the uses of fifteen million red blocks! We decided we’d use them to make a stairway to the top of a Mcdonald’s and then sneak into and knockout all the employees inside and take allllll the free food we wanted! Japanese? I’m pretty much bilingual so I get to tutor Sofia! OOH it’s great! Especially when she’s mad and says something in Spanish! Science…. No. English…. NO! History. Oh right. We both suck at that. But we’ve done some great studying together, trying to make sense of the messy history of our kind. So today’s fantastic, just like normal.

 

Then the drugged kids came in.

 

After the final bell rang, Sofia said she needs to use the restroom, so I say okay, and let her go. I wait for her near the entrance of bathrooms, looking at stuff on my phone. Five minutes go by, and I’m still there. Ten minutes, and I’m starting to think. Two minutes more and I worry. I go into the restroom, and freeze instantly. There’s three boys. All of them are incredibly tall, they must be seniors. They have matching jackets, and smoke is curling up from in front of them. Are they smoking? They’re all huddled around someone who is leaning against the tiled wall. It’s Sofia.

“ So, girl, you wanna try some?” The guy in the middle asks. He holds up a cigarette.
“ No no, I’m fine, thanks.” Sofia says. The guy on the left holds up a bag, filled with white powder.

“ How’s about some snow?” He says, his voice slurred.

“ That’s not-” Sofia starts to say.

“ You DON’T want some? Wow.” The guy on the left laughs, the others doing so as well. “ Now this one has some bravery. But you know girls aren’t supposed to disobey us men!”

“ Yeah, we got all the power here!” The one on the right says. “ Just listen, and take the stuff, it’ll be alright!” I can feel sweat dripping down my body. Can no one else see what’s happening? Should I run, or fight, or tell someone, or? I just stand there, in the doorway, eyes fixed on the three boys. The middle one takes something else out of his pocket. A knife. At the sight of it my heart leaps and my mind yells at me. The boy points it at Sofia.

“ I gotta joke for us all. If you don’t listen to us then I’ll show you what girls get in this world! What a joke!” They all start laughing again. Real potheads.

“ Hey… Come on, this isn’t funny to me…” Sofia presses against the wall, fear creeping up into her. The three boys step a bit closer, blocking off any chance for Sofia to run away.

 

I didn’t move, I thought she could handle it. Sofia's told me how she’s bailed other kids out of bad decisions. If she could help them, couldn’t she help herself? I was conflicted, what should I do? I’m too scared to charge in and do something, but this is a matter of Sofia, not just a random kid. I’m busy trying to make a choice, that I don’t realize what’s going on around me until the moan was let out. The boys began to turn around, and I dashed around the corner of the building. My chest heaving in and out, in and out, over and over, non-stop. The boys came past me, laughing and joking. What was so funny…? I stalked back into the bathroom, footsteps feeling like boulders, the world around me blurring into colors. There was only one path, and that was to the bleeding girl sitting on the floor of the bathroom.

 

Before this I’d heard of some stabbing instances here at school. Not too many but a few. But when I’d heard of them, they were just mere instances of things happening that didn’t involve me, so I didn’t think too much about it. Like, oh sure, it’s bad that a kid was stabbed, but I don’t know them, and I had nothing to do with it, so I’m not gonna feel anything for it. I mean, I’m not saying I wouldn’t help them, I think I would, but it’s not the same feeling. Not the same, as when my eyes lay upon Sofia. Slumped on the ground, Red dripping.. What’s even happening at this point? Why is there no one else who sees what’s happening? Why am I the only one? Why was it her, and not someone else that I wasn’t in love with? What am I supposed to do? I walk over to her, my ears pounding relentlessly. My heart a spring, sending up more and more feelings to my head that I just can’t comprehend. I look at her face, the life fading slowly. She looks up at me, and I look at her.
“ S….S….” I can barely mutter anything. My mind is still cluttered with thoughts that I can’t seem to think about. Sofia’s arm rises slowly, coming toward me. I grab it quickly, cupping it with both of my hands. I bend down on my knees, staring at her. Behind me I hear the sound of a door closing, and boys laughing. The bathroom door was closed, and I didn’t care. All thought of logistics left me. The why didn’t matter to me, what mattered was what was right in front of me. And what that was, I didn’t understand. Sofia is this powerful and great figure, and here she is….

 

“ Hey, Georgie, why’re you sad?” Sofia mumbles. I rub my eyes, I’ve been crying, which I haven’t been aware of. I’m not even sure what I’m aware of anymore, I’m pretty sure my backpack is still outside, and I think I’m supposed to be heading to my dad’s car so he can pick me up. But that’s just side thoughts they don’t matter right now. There’s only one thing that matters, and it’s not them, it is her. Sofia. What matters is that her hand is dropping from mine and landing softly on the floor. Her eyes are slowly closing, as the spark of life dribbles away from her sockets. I’m tempted, heavily tempted to rip her eyes open, and push that spark back into her, she can’t leave right now, she can’t. I’ll help her up, I’ll call the police, I’ll tell the principle, I’ll get the kids in trouble, I’ll have her in the hospital where the doctors can fix her, I will, I will do that.

 

But I’m too afraid to do anything. I can’t move, my feet won’t take me anywhere, my brain is telling so many things I can’t decide what to do and what not to do. The only thought I can manifest and process properly is to stay right here, in this closed room, with my only love. I never told her that I loved her. She knew we were best friends, but did she love me more than that? I always had suspicions, but that was something I would find out over the break, when I would confess to her. I had been forming plans in my head for the past months, anticipating heavily when it would happen, when that final satiating moment would finally come to me. Now, Sofia lays here before me, in a position I wouldn’t see in my darkest nightmares. Is that blood running down her side onto the floor? Am I dreaming, PLEASE TELL ME I’M DREAMING! PLEASE! I’m not, am I? I am not, this is real, of course it is. Because I couldn’t stick up for Sofia, because I gave into the fear I’ve always had, she is gone. Right in front of me, in a scenario too bizarre for me to fathom. I didn’t think this would happen, I thought it was a joke, a distant issue that would never touch me because I never touched it. Sure people said that life hits you when you least expect it, but I thought that was just an old saying to scare us into being ready for anything. I HAD NO CLUE, NO IDEA IT WOULD HAPPEN TO SOFIA.

 

Sofia, the girl one year older than me, whom I met in art class, because we were forced together for a project just last year. Whom we were so awkward with at first, then she risked talking to me, the person everyone knew, or didn’t know, as the quiet and non-existent one. We ignited immediately. She loved anime, she loved games, she wanted to support the animal parks and help homeless, she was all that, she really was. She was the person who texted me good morning and good night, and how was your day and how’s your homework and what are you doing this weekend and your sculptures are really cool and we should hang out together, and all that. Everything I’d never had before, just only thought, dreamed, hoped for. I didn’t ask for Sofia, but life gave her to me. Oh my god it was the absolute best year of my entire life. Then, now? NOW? Now….. I can’t, I can’t. I CANNOT! WHY? WHAT IS THIS? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS OKAY? The boys…. Their fault, not me, them, of course it was them. Why wouldn’t it be them? It wasn’t me, but it was me, I could’ve stopped them, but they should’ve known better, but I should’ve helped……

 

Later on Bryan said I’d get better. My parents said I’d get better. They said that I had done the right thing. I had gotten the boys suspended and jailed. I’d gotten Sofia to the hospital right away. That was all I could’ve done, and I did it well.

Really? I am  to believe that? How in the unholy skies of hell am I supposed to believe that???

 

Sofia might still be alive if I didn’t sit there in the bathroom, utterly disconfigured with myself. If I had just moved my sorry ass I could’ve gotten her to the doctors sooner and they would’ve healed her up! BUT NO! OF COURSE NOT! I was AFRAID!! Who else is afraid? JUST ME! ONLY ME! Everyone else does things so heroic and brave to help each other. Then there’s me, letting my MY ONLY LOVE, my luminous star of euphoria parish right the hell in front of me. Who does that? Me. I did that. I loved her SOOO Much, I REALLY DID! And she….. Sofia….? Gone? I don’t understand, I don’t want to understand I want to be with her again!

 

I want to sit next to her. So lean on her arm, to watch her draw. I want to walk with her in the Zoo, listening to her endless wisdom on the animal kingdom, and marvel at her ability to go up to any person there and ask them about something, or just tell them something to make them laugh, so for the hell of it. I want to play games with her, for her to crush me and then teach me how to play, slowly but surely, until I am good enough to keep up. I want to roll around in the snow up on the mountains again, and plow each other with snowballs, and make gigantic snowmen that takes us three and a half hours to make and then strike it down with sticks, laughing maniacally. I want to stay up till 2 am each night simply just texting her about anything and everything. Sleep being a distant thought as we text on and on. I want to be able to have someone to complain to, and to explain all my ideas and what ifs about this and that and this guy’s hair and that girl’s nails and that girl’s skin and his running and her test answers and his crying. For her to talk to me about genuinely and curiously and not shrug me off like all the others. Like all of everyone else, who didn’t have anything to do with me cause I’m too quiet for them to give any kinda shit about me. They didn’t care, but she DID. SOFIA DID. And the break is so close, so close to our next big adventure together. So close to it, and she’s somewhere else.

 

Where? Where is she? I do not see her by the tree at school, or at her house, or at the park, and at Rubio’s, or at VONS, or at that small grassy area next to our school. She’s not there anymore, so where is she? She isn’t answering my texts anymore, I wake up and find nothing on my phone, just like before I met her. I go to my classes and get confused, and scared and stressed and angry and she isn’t there to help me. I go home and text her and she does not answer back. I only see mirages and phantasms of Sofia. I sit with a ghost now, I text and call a ghost now, I walk with a ghost now. AND WHO WILL HELP ME? NOT ANYONE! Who gets it? Who understands? Bryan says he does, and so do my parents and guidance counselors. Bull shit. That’s utter bullshit. They’re lying to me, they don’t get it, I don’t care if they say they’ve gone through this before, and they know what’ll help. I don’t care if they say I’m pushing myself and causing myself more unhappiness and that this isn’t what Sofia would’ve wanted for me. They do NOT GET IT. How COULD they??? HOW?

 

I’m just stick here, me myself. Knowing that she’s gone, and I’ll never see her again. Never, not just for a few minutes, or hours, or days or weeks or years or half decades or two decades or four. Not just a summer or school year. For, EVER. Fifty five years will pass and Sofia will still be in that god damn bathroom. Sixteen thousand years, and she’ll be there, only there. And not with me. Not ever again, what does that mean? Do I wanna know? Can I KNOW? Never again, Sofia, never again……

 

I love you, Sofia. I am sorry, more sorry than you’ll ever know, more sorry than my poor excuse for a voice can demonstrate to you, to anyone, how sorry I am. I’m sorry. I love you, forever.

 


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